My husband recently moved out. He has had a lot of emotional and mental issues come up over the last year. He says he just needs time to deal with his past and figure out what he wants.
The thing is, since he left he comes over several times a day and even sits down to watch TV even after the kids go to bed. I enjoy having him there so I don't kick him out. He was the one who left me.
I don't understand what he is thinking?
He wants to spend Christmas with us as a family. He even asked about New Years eve. Would it be better to ask that he have a separate Christmas with HIS family and the kids and then I have mine with them or let us all be together.
I don't know if it is better to let him have a taste of how the holidays would be like on his own or let him share it and make it amazing?!?
2006-12-09 23:44:43 · 13 answers · asked by Sandra C 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
He won't be alone for Christmas. He has his sister and father but his mom died last FEb so it is their first Christmas without her.
2006-12-10 00:05:11 · update #1
He is seeing a psychiatrist. I was the one who asked him to leave if he wasn't going to participate in this family.
If he acted the way he has since he moved out, while he was at home we would be a happy family
2006-12-10 00:21:17 · update #2
Maybe it's just what he says, dear.
He isn't into abandoning his family but he needs some time to deal wth his past and figure things out. Not everything in Life is going to be about your family. Each member is an individual. He apparently likes the feeling of missing you guys, and coming home to hang. He needs the comfort of home and the isolation of living alone for now.
Be amazing.
He's in the spot he's in now because Life beat him up. Don't you be the punisher, too. Show him your stregnth. Hold down the fort until he can cope. He's been honest, God bless him. He still wants you. Use this time apart to make the time together better. Don't start pushing him away as long as he's trying to stay close.
2006-12-10 01:37:37 · answer #1 · answered by Puresnow 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Apparently he has some healing to do, WELL HE SHOULD BE DOING THAT AT HOME! Can we just walk out on our problems cast our family aside and live by ourself every time we feel like it NO. Raising kids taking care of a home that's not mental stress? Well buy a bigger house so he can have his own reclusive corner. Heck yes, let him see what it's like without the family he started. Don't you think the entire family is hurting because of his absence. Your taking it really well, as you can see a lot better than I would. So do what your heart tells you to because he has really ticked me off!!!!! Who does he think he is?
2006-12-09 23:59:19 · answer #2 · answered by Conrey 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Make him cry. Make him realize what he's doing. Why? Because he's in a daze. Talk with him. Don't worry. Keep your voice low, don't make it a shouting match. And for heaven's sake, do it when the children aren't around. Tell him about how he's behaving lately, about how he's neglected you and your family. Tell him that you're sick of him being so selfish. Tell him that it's time he became the man of the family and behaved like one. Everyone has mental issues. But that doesn't allow them to behave in the way they want to. You've worried for too long about his feelings. Now for a change, worry about yours and your kids'.
But I'd like to add, that for a Christmas gift, please celebrate it together. You know, Christmas is a bad time for being alone....for you, for him, for your kids too.
2006-12-09 23:53:01 · answer #3 · answered by Maverick 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
For the kid's sake let him celebrate with the family. If it weren't for them I would suggest that he not be allowed to participate so that he can see what he is missing by moving out. So, for the children you should all have Christmas together. It is what they learn in school and what they see on t.v.
No matter how you try to justify it to them they will be hurt in their heart of hearts while simultaneously accepting your decision. Good Luck to you.
2006-12-09 23:52:46 · answer #4 · answered by GrnApl 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Share it with him and your children. If he is having emotional and mental issues, don't make him go through the Holidays without being around his kids. I know, I know, he chose to leave, but if he's asking about being with you guys, maybe he wants to come back and just doesn't know how to bring it up. Or maybe he is waiting for you to invite him to come back?
2006-12-09 23:52:55 · answer #5 · answered by Raven 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think you should insist that if he's not going to be the husband and father full time, he should spend holidays by himself. Don't try to make things easier for him. He SHOULD miss you and the kids. But, he won't miss them and you if he's around all the time. Force him to decide- family and marriage, or not.
2006-12-10 01:39:23 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like he is doing the best he can. Get some copuples' counseling to try to work out these issues between you and he.
2006-12-10 00:42:49 · answer #7 · answered by Jack P 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If he's having emotional and mental issues, I think you should encourage him to get some counseling. As long as he isn't cheating on you I think you should try to be supportive of him.
2006-12-09 23:50:59 · answer #8 · answered by Rocky 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
blessings, sounds like he may not be telling you everything. it sounds like he may need some counsling. i think you need to sit him down and tell him that this is hurting you and the children, and for him to make his mind up, weither he wants to be a family or be on his own. i don't think anyone should have to put ones life on hold for another, and this is what it sounds to me. blessings
2006-12-10 00:12:15 · answer #9 · answered by connie l 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
he needs perhaps some space?
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2006-12-10 00:33:48 · answer #10 · answered by mr johnson 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋