Some four years ago my love of 11 years cheated on me. She says it happened only once. She has a mental disorder and sometimes has to be hospitalized to get her meds adjusted so she can be well. Her cheating happened during one of these episodes. I have vowed to care for her for my whole life, but I can't seem to love her as I once did. I tried for four years and we have had counseling. I trust her with everything, except my heart. I hurt inside so much of the time. I have none to give and get support from, to help me deal with this. My parents are dead and my brothers are asses. I have friends but they have a love for her which I would never want to damage by talking about this to them.
I just wish so very much that I can find away to be in love with her again. She was my love so much so that other woman even beautiful women were just people. I only had eyes for her and my heart was very happy. Now I see other woman and I wish at times that my love and I were not together. I Love Her
2006-12-09 23:37:02 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Fifteen years is a long time. These four years were torment, yes? I can feel how you feel for her. She's cheated on you. So? You've said that YOU love her...does it mean that she's got to love you in return? What kind of love is so selfish? This girl needs you, mate. You need her. Free yourself from old memories. This Christmas, give yourself the gift you've been dreaming about for so long! Be ready for more surprises as her condition worsens. But don't let that bother you. Just remind yourself that you've "vowed to care for her for your whole life". So it's time to see how much of a man you are. Fulfil your vow. Who knows for how long we'll live on this earth. Here today, gone tomorrow? Might as well make the most while we're here! Do good, be good. I'm sure God will be interested in helping you out. Talk to him. Give him a call this instant :)
Bless you.
2006-12-10 00:08:52 · answer #1 · answered by Maverick 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
"Love means never having to say your sorry" was a line quoted by Ali McGraw in a movie which is not reality! Staying because of the kids is not a good reason to stay. Your kids are better to be from a broken home than living in one. In all honesty, you will never forget the past and what he did to you! It will hang like a big black cloud over your marriage for the rest of your time together. You said yourself, that even after you forgave him, it took him a long time to stop the game. It's going to be very difficult to get trust back after you've been betrayed and deceived........more often than not it never happens. There's also no guarantee he won't do it again. Sorry, but I personally would never give a cheater a second chance! Cheating doesn't just happen. It's a deliberate, conscious choice and with that choice comes consequences. The consequence being the loss of your existing spouse/partner, home, family. Knowing that, they choose to cheat anyway! He can still be the father of your children and he can still pay the bills and you don't have to be living under the same roof being miserable so he can do that!
2016-03-29 01:51:19 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your love will allow you to forgive her especially in view of the medical problem. However, you must learn to truly trust her. Once you do that then you will let your heart be free to love her completely. If she is taking her meds and avoiding all that led up to the affair then you can trust her. Otherwise you are just punishing her and yourself by pulling the proverbial knife in and out with the bad memory. Just make a contingency plan for yourself. If she stops her meds and or fools around again then you will divorce her. That may never happen but at least you will be prepared. Then go on living your life with her. You are just hurting yourself by holding back. Could you really let her go for the beautiful women you have been looking at? If so, then it's time to end the relationship and set both of you free. If not, then give up the grudge as it's getting you nowhere.
2006-12-09 23:58:43 · answer #3 · answered by GrnApl 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't try to rationalize it with the "mental disorder episode" thing.
Don't believe what she says about it happening once.
She's probably not the one that initiated the counseling is she?
Get to a professional therapist so you will be able to understand what's going on with you. Think with your head now, and not your heart.
It's best to expose her for what she is. She's doing a pretty good job of it herself.
If you remember trust is what you based the relationship on. Once that has been betrayed it will be a very doubtful relationship going forward.
Don't put yourself through this any further.
Been there done that.
2006-12-09 23:57:17 · answer #4 · answered by Credit Expert 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your heart is full of love but that one incident is gnawing at it. The way you described her situation and if it was only once, I think you should forgive her. To err is human.
You should thank the internet which allows you to share your grief with others.
Dont look at other woman now or else you may go astray just like her. This is not the time for revenge but for understanding. Tell her what is troubling you and mend your relationship together. Have we not been forgiven for some mistakes(small ones) in the past?
2006-12-10 07:04:21 · answer #5 · answered by StraightDrive 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can forgive her thru constant prayer...I can tell you this, once something like this happens in a marriage, it will never be the same no matter what...You have to find it in your heart and forgive and ask GOD to take the hurt and pain away and move on in your life and began to love your wife again and find a new love for her and continue to pray and keep GOD in your life at all times for protection....
If you attend church, you can always go and talk to your pastor...
2006-12-10 10:23:29 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Its very hard to trust someone after they have cheated, it really takes alot out of you emotionally and physically to go thru something like that..It takes time to forgive,heal,trust again..Its taken me 4 years, still i have bad days very few these days..But for the most part our marriage is stronger and better than ever..Because we both wanted it to work, And he's understanding when i have an occasional "bad day" I have always loved my husband, but just as you did i fell out of love with him after this happened,Its possible for it to come back to fall in love again with your spouse. If your willing to let go of what pain she has caused you..Good Luck
2006-12-10 00:07:34 · answer #7 · answered by Shem 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
look man i feel for you but iam going to give it to you, think of it this way. if i was your friend and i had a affair with your wife would i be your friend anymore? no i would not cuz you could not trust me cuz i might do it again with her or your new girl. so now that you know what trust is all about leave her now file the papers and get as far away from her before she hurts you again
2006-12-09 23:44:28 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Lets face it, after your partner cheats there is extreme emotional damage done. Some people can never get over it and it is best to move on alone. The choice has to be yours. If you are noticing other women now, thats your sign.
2006-12-10 01:04:37 · answer #9 · answered by Us5 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know how you feel, the chain is broken, it might be great for her but you will always have that axe to grind in your heart. To have a full and worthwhile life for whatever years is left you should leave and oversee her, make sure she has enough money but you can not make yourself love anyone your heart doesn't want. That's what it means when they say" Irrevocably broken". Sorry...
2006-12-09 23:51:21 · answer #10 · answered by Conrey 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋