I met my married man 2 years ago when I was married. I ended up getting divorced and he has continued to play games. His wife found out and we both allowed him to go back and forth between us. He went home and cut off all contact for a month. We started up again and she found out 4 months later. She ended up kicking him out and he signed a lease on an apartment.
I actually did leave the situation and moved home. The first time he said he missed me, I ended up moving in with him. Now, he has his wife convinced that I am still at home and they are trying to work on their marriage.
The only problem is, that I am living with him and she has no idea. He does spend the night with her sometimes, and they have bad days as well.
If he really wanted to work things out with her, why hasn't he kicked me out? And if I really want him, why haven't I told her I'm here? If I know he wants to go home, and this is wrong, why can't I leave?
2006-12-09 23:24:17 · 23 answers · asked by torn 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Why am I content being a mistress... , ...why hasn't he kicked me out?
Please don't speak of yourself like that. Start off by respecting yourself first. I agree that you are in a difficult position, but that doesn't mean that you can degrade yourself like that. Stop being dependent on that creep. YOU DUMP HIM. Period. That two timer is scum. I'm not sermonising. But you can see for yourself that whatever you're doing isn't right. What you need to do is go and look at yourself in the mirror. Smile. Laugh. Go to that man's wife. Tell her that you're dumping him. If things get out of hand, get a restraining order to keep him out of your life. Take up a job or get more involved in it if you have one already. Get some hobbies. Do some social work. You can perform miracles. It's time you realised that. You can volunteer for helping fight for animal rights, else for women's rights.
Remember. You've got somebody praying for you this instant. So smile and carry on with your life. God bless you. Take care.
2006-12-09 23:38:31 · answer #1 · answered by Maverick 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I cannot tell if your in love or just don't want to be alone. You should leave him because he is never going to leave his wife. Apparently he loves her or he would of a long time ago and the only reason he got an apartment was because she kicked him out. What will he do after the lease is up? Go back home? If you do tell her your there living with him that isn't going to make him love you anymore he'll just be ticked off at you and possibly kick you out. He wants you and her both and what kind of man is that? Just think? If he divorces her and and marries you what makes you think that you won't be the at home wife while he has his mistress on the side? Get another man and stop being a home wrecker.
2006-12-10 00:11:10 · answer #2 · answered by ws_422 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Your question and your text say pretty different things! From reading you, one would not really say you are "content" - you wonder what he is doing!!!
He is getting it all, and having it easy. He lives the life he wants, doesn't have the hassle and costs of a divorce, his wife probably is treating him nicely and they are on good terms (and if he has children, that is in the picture as well), and at the same time he has the lovely excitement of a warm illegal bed. How cool!!! and you want him to give it up?????
What's in it for you??? I don't know... cheap rent?not having to worry about finding another relationship? I hope you are at least getting some good sex. I am sure of one thing: either he'll go back to his wife or she'll kick him out for good... these secrets don't last forever.
2006-12-09 23:33:24 · answer #3 · answered by OneLilithHidesAnother 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Look, you need to end this mess....You two are just letting this man go from each other's house.....Why are you still on this emotional roller coaster with this man....
Do you realize that no matter how much he comes back to you, he's going to still slid up in his wife and come back to you and do the same....Can you say AIDS, VINEREAL DISEASES, INFECTIONS which can lead to total disaster or even DEATH...Is this what you want out of your life...
I don't know why women like you degrade yourself and believe that a married man is going to stay with you...If he's cheating on his wife with you, don't you think he's not going to do it on you....
Stop waisting your life away on this man who is just having fun....If no one has told you, you are better than that...The problem here is this fool have both of you in love with him and he doesn't give a da** about you because he always going back to his wife...
STOP and WAKE UP before you get pregnant and he will really leave you alone and go back to his wife....
2006-12-10 10:09:10 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hi Torn,
I think you've really been torn apart by this jerk. I say you should leave him since it's been so long and he still hasn't left his wife and it seems he just wants to keep thing this way. I'm not saying you should encourage him to get divorce, what I mean is he's a bast*** who plays women around and could never get himself committed. I think you've had enough of this. Move on, find a real good man and start a new life. Tell him to end this sick relationship and you'll find true happiness. gd luck
2006-12-10 00:07:46 · answer #5 · answered by FairGround 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Low self-esteem is the reason you allow yourself to be treated with such disrespect. Would you want a child of yours to be involved in this kind of relationship? It is one that isn't built on trust and respect. Try to get out before a child is brought into the picture and grows up thinking it's normal for a woman to be so ill treated. While you haven't gotten out in the past ; it isn't too late.
How long do you think it will be before he establishes yet another relationship with another woman? There are plenty of men out there who also want real relationships. You should try finding one of them. Send his wife a Christmas Card. Set the ball rolling. He doesn't have a right to use you both.
2006-12-09 23:47:37 · answer #6 · answered by GrnApl 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think that you have convinced yourself that things are going to change and you may end up with this man. You are willing to standby and be second to him, in case his first doesn't work out. Why settle for that? And if he can do this to her, why would you want him any way? He has convinced his wife that you are not there, but you are living with him. That takes great deception on his part, and do you really want that in your life?
2006-12-09 23:32:31 · answer #7 · answered by blue eyes 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
As long as you are with this guy, you don't have to make a decision about commitment yourself. I know it can be scary being alone. Sounds like he is also doing a number on you. I am sure you are a god person and deserve better. But it will have to be up to you whether you keep putting up with this guy. Sounds like he may not be sure of what he wants. Good luck.
2006-12-10 00:47:04 · answer #8 · answered by Jack P 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It seems like you don't really care about the women you're hurting. You feel content in this situation because you don't care about anyone else. This guy you're with only wants you for sex and I can't believe you can't see this.
hmmmm, i don't know what else to say except that i think I'm about less then half your age and i know better then to have sex or a relationship with SOMEONE ELSE'S husband. I'm sorry, but I really don't know how to feel sorry for you.
whatever
2006-12-10 08:17:54 · answer #9 · answered by Wyst 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
because you are a mess and you obviously have no self respect....I would suggest that you get some professional help to find out why you think so little of yourself and why you feel it is ok to cause pain and suffering to others....I hope you move on with your life...otherwise, it will be lonely and empty and you will end up with a cold heart...good luck
2006-12-09 23:29:16 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋