My friends say I'm mean?

Question

I'm rather upfront about most things to my friends and usually I act on impulse. Most of the times I don't regret what I say/do either, especially if it's something they ask my opinion on. But lately it's been bothering me, sometimes what I'm saying isn't being understood the way I meant it to be . I've come to realize that if I was someone else, I wouldn't want to hang out with me, because of my rude behavior. I also tend to pick on people and argue just to start a 'riff'. I want to try to contain myself, but, I don't know how to start. How can I go from the girl who has an attitude about everything to the nice girl who people enjoy being around. I don't have any idea where to start. I feel as if my attitude is my defense to keep people from hurting me. I would really like to let people in and and stop being a bully, but how do I do it? How do I open up and show people I care and I'm a nice person deep down someplace hidden? Everything I've tried has failed. I'd appreciate any help

Answer 1

My dear, I am glad what you said here. You're on the right track, as you can identify what problems you have.

To be honest, I used to be that way too, very critical, very judgemental, and I used to see it as honest, straight-forward, and frank. But saying the right thing at the wrong time, even it's the truth, is not effective and is pushing people away too.

And I used to see things in Black or White, i.e. the person is either good or bad, friendly or not friendly, nice or not nice. But I started to learn to see things, situations, and people in grayscale, instead of Black or White. Understanding that even the nicest person you've seen might have made some mistakes, wronged people once in a while. And a lot of times people make mistakes unintentionally. They might be just careless mistakes.

I am still very afraid of rejection from people. But I remember one of my friends and my psychologist told me that I used to think when people are unfriendly to me, I interrupt them to reject me as they dislike me. But they told me that I took the situation or the person too personally. The situation might happen due to the person is not having a good day, too tired, too busy, distracted, etc, etc. All kinds of different reasons can make that person react like he dislike me and want to reject me. Nobody on the earth will have the thought or intention everyday to find ways how he/she can upset me purposely. This is the key point. ;-)

At the same time, try to change the attitude to see things and persons. See things and persons with grace and love. It doesn't mean that you let others treat you as a door-mat. No, no, you need to protect your own boundary, at the same time, you need to respect others' boundaries. This will keep your relationship with others healthy.

Just to remember that when you are being critical with something other people has done, you can try to think that you'll never know one day, that person could be you, and that person might have made the mistake carelessly, and how would you expect others to treat you and accept you even though you have messed up. :-)

Hopefully what I said above helps. God Bless.

Answer 2

Just stop giving ur say in everything and butting in. Well, i'm also having the same problem... Just try smiling all the time and think twice before saying anything. Just be quieter than u were before. Spend a lot of time helping others (that doesn't mean u have to put yourself in trouble). Get around with people and remember that confronting in most matters brings u a bad name. Just avoid arguing for everything u find out of place. Be patient. On the contrary, I don't think u are mean.. Gud luck.. :-)

Answer 3

you are not negative you just speak your mind come on what's wrong with that if it comes from the heart Do you always say what you feel and feel what you say?good you are just that type of person. You know I use to get in trouble all the time with friends who I thought didn't know how to take care of all those bad kids they were having only till I got older I didn't know what was the big fuss.You tell people how it is then their reaction trigger something in you and makes you feel bad.Why I don't know but if you are being honest they don't care for it then say I'm only saying what I feel I'm sorry if it hurts you would you want me to lie I cant help my feelings.you can't run people away you know the truth hurts.Or better yet let people know this is who I am I don't mean no harm I want to do better but this is me.Relax some people like you the way you are.you pick on people ?their is something you'll feeling anyway that you want to say.lighten up you are who you are.Don't pick let it flow.Just remember if you are doing this out of spite Carma is 2x harder.Be cool let your mind flow be honest with your self.

Answer 4

It's hard to change. All my friends say I am mean but I just give my input and even if it's the same as someone else everybody yells at me for it. When something comes up and a friend wants your input, tell them the truth add in that it's nothing against them but that is just what you think. When you could add in an insulting or mean comment become occupied in something else. If someone asks you what you are doing when you turn away from the situation simply say, " I am minding my own business" If you realy are having abad day with them you could add in a smart comment like " or is that mean to you aswell?" It quites them down, at least for a little bit. Also just be your nice self aka no insults and lay down your opinion as easy as possible and if they still say you're mean then thats their thought and their loss.
Hope I've helped and good luck!!

Answer 5

depends on the situation...how old are you? just because people aska question doesn't mean they want the honest truth...think about it this way what if everyone told the truth to you about everything..you can give constructive criticism, and help and give advice..but be diplomatic. An example of this woudl be if your friend asks you if they look good or fat in a certian outfit(if they ask usually they do), but you do not tell them they look like a fat pig, you can say you look good but the red (example) outfit looks better on them, Think about how you woudl liek soemoen to talk or treat you

Answer 6

You should make a list of your good and bad points, you have to be honest, or it won't work. Work on improving the good, and eliminating the bad. Don't expect a miraculous "happening" it won't change over night. This is what I do, when I feel the "bully" coming out, I look a person in the eyes, and put myself in their place.

Answer 7

If you recognise the problem yourself, as obviously you do, you're half-way to fixing it.

I have a friend who sounds like you...... aggressive and uncompromising. He's that way because he was bullied as a kid, and he can't change now.

Maybe you could try something very simple.......count to 10 before you speak. Think how it will sound. Would you like a friend of yours to say what you have in mind? And good luck.

Answer 8

I have a friend who had the same problem. She was always being mean to me, but she didn't realize how much she said that would hurt me or make me mad. She's great now, we're good friends. I just think you really need to think before you say anything. Try to put yourself in their place... would YOU want someone to say to you, what you're about to say to them? Or would you not like it? Just try to think how you would feel about what you're about to say, before you say something. Or maybe it's not you, maybe they're just too sensitive? I'm sensitive, maybe that's why my friend bothered me sometimes.

Answer 9

Well, snort some E (ecstasy, 3,4,methylene dioxy methamphetamine) and after a few minutes you'll instantly become caring and loving and friends with whoever you meet.

Answer 10

You are not mean. You are just great and don't mind what they say.