Hi! Hope someone can calm me down :) I'm 26, I don't think I ever want children and even though I have been married before I just seem to leave when the subject of children comes up. Due to the old saying "Women will want children eventually." The men whom married me assumed that even though I did say I NEVER want children they thought .. maybe she will change. I didn't change and now wondering am I abnormal, are there men who don't want children? Am I selfish to want to discover the world, create my business, enjoy being just friends with people? Will I end up alone, old and with many cats? I'm not fond of living with cats either! LOL! I love other people's children I just don't want any myself. Being an aunt is fun however again I see the responsibility and sacrifice involved with parenting it does seem to me that the women looses out more than the man in having children. To me it doesn't seem worth it and I'm left wondering is this realy normal, why can't I just change?
2006-12-09 20:24:49 · 21 answers · asked by valley_storm 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I'm now 55 and I never, ever wanted kids. It was as if mother nature passed me by when it came to the mothering instinct. I wanted to do so many things with my life I couldn't imagine being tied down by kids. I didn't even like kids. Their voices and energy were just a major source of irritation to me. People would say "What's WRONG with you that you don't want kids?" To me the earth was becoming overpopulated. I would listen to other females say things like "It is the most creative thing you can possibly do". I thought just the opposite, to me getting pregnant was the least creative thing you could possibly do because creatures are hard-wired to have offspring. I believe that all God's creatures deserve to be here equally and I don't appreciate the fact that we humans are overbreeding other species out of existence, and ourselves out of existence eventually. I totally couldn't relate to other females my age who were freaking out because their biological time bombs were about to go off. I never worried about whether or not I was "abnormal", it was just out of the question. Now I see how parents are way over-involved in every minute of every aspect of their children's lives, to the detriment of the children's need to learn independence. You must be allowed to make mistakes in order to learn how to grow, and parents aren't willing to let THAT happen. Many people don't want children. Even some people I know who did have children told me if they had it to do over, they wouldn't have had any. Don't stress over it. Its not a matter of being selfish. You just don't have the urge, period. That is something you don't want to try to compromise on just to keep a mate, or whatever. Maybe you really shouldn't try to change. By the way, I have cats and I'm NOT alone, LOL. My husband loves cats too. There are many men who don't want children, either.
2006-12-09 20:44:12 · answer #1 · answered by galacticsleigh 4 · 8⤊ 0⤋
There is absolutely nothing wrong with you - don't worry! I'm 27 and have also been questioned many times because I've always said that I never wanted to marry or have kids (I have since changed my mind about marriage and married a wonderful man, but we don't have children). I have been asked before "What is wrong with you?" and even "Are you gay, then?" Some people are really ignorant.
Many women chose not to have children. Also, there are many women who had children but never really wanted to - they did because they were expected to by their family, friends, or spouse. You are not being selfish or irresponsible; you are being honest with yourself and true to yourself. What would be irresponsible or wrong would be to have children despite not being ready to or wanting to - this would be so unfair to those kids! Some people find happiness in life by becoming parents. Others find happiness by passing up on parenthood and using their extra time and energy for their careers, relationships, travel, etc. Everyone's path to happiness and fulfillment is different.
2006-12-09 22:07:16 · answer #2 · answered by sodagoat 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I think you have to be true to yourself....don't do what society thinks you should if you don't feel that way. I have two children and couldn't imagine what life would have been like without them. But on the other hand, I just think there are people like you that know children aren't right for you and I applaud you for your honesty. Yes, there are men out there that don't want children. And by the way, I know several people that I think secretly felt the way you do and still had children because they thought it was there duty. So, do what you feel is right for you and not what others think. But as far as being worth it, it is by far the most rewarding experience of my life. And that is just my opinion....do what you want.
2006-12-10 04:25:36 · answer #3 · answered by stacey h 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Some people are just better off not having children, for their ownsakes and the child that they never have sakes.
Not everyone can handle having a child or 2. Having children takes alot of patience.
As a mom actually we gain more than a man with having children. Most people the are not moms don't realize that until they become moms.
2006-12-09 20:31:15 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
Nope, nothing wrong with it. Consider getting your tubes tied if you're worried about men not taking you seriously. Having that done would show you mean it. Of course, there are all those idiotic women out there trying to get reversals and have more babies, making it hard to get it done, but there are doctors who will do it (supposedly). I can't find one now, but I'm only 22. My husband to be is a couple years older and he has no problem getting a vesectomy for us! Not wanting babies ever is not abnormal. It's probably just smart. It's definitely smarter than women who wish they didn't have children.
2006-12-09 21:45:34 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
I don't want children. I think they are a total waste of my time. I would rather grow old and lonely than to have children. Don't be deceived into thinking that having children will guarantee that they will take care of you when you are old.
In this day and age when divorce is so rampant, having more than one child can spell disaster for women who do not have an income/job/career. When the man cheats or want to divorce the woman for one reason or other, she will want to have custody of her children. Imagine being a single mother to so many kids and so many mouths to feed. Having one kid in such a situation would be less daunting and the prospect of a man wanting to date and marry her would be better. What man would want to bring up 4 kids who are not his own on an average salary. Yes, women loses out more than the men if they have children or more than one child. Unless you can be sure of supporting your children if you do divorce, don't have more than one child. No one goes into a marriage thinking they will be divorced, but it happens even to those who think they have the best marriages. Not wanting any kids (not even one) is all up to you. No one can judge you. It is the lifestyle that best suits you and nobody can force you to live your life according to their philosophy. Like one of your answerers said, just tell the guy that you can't have kids and take it from there. If he accepts you, you found the right guy for yourself.
You have only one life, live it the way you want to live it. Other people's opinions do not count in the way you live your own life. For those who insist that you have children, ask them if they will babysit and support your kids financially if you are in trouble. Talk is cheap.
2006-12-10 03:26:01 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
i had a daughter when i was 18. i see her quite a bit and love her with all my heart. my friends have kids and my sisters and i love them. i always felt i was selfish, because i never wanted anymore. i have had several relationships go sour, because they thought i would change my mind. due to my feelings no woman would marry me (i am sure because of other faults too). i just want to see the world so bad, and i have many dreams and goals i want to try and accomplish. its hard to find a woman with ur ideas. of course some women don't start hearing thier biological clock start until they r closer to 30. so u never know, it could happen to u. i had my own bussiness then my partners wife emptied the buisness account and left town. i will have another one, there is such pride in working for urself. insteed of working for some multi million dallor com. making them more money. i want my little piece of the pie and happiness. i don't have to be rich in money, i want to make enough to live nice and have fun.
sorry i guess this won't help u calm down.
2006-12-09 20:50:09 · answer #7 · answered by jesse james 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
You don't have to try to be like everyone else. If you don't want children, there is nothing wrong with that. I have met men who don't want children and many who don't want any more children. So don't try to change. Be yourself. Someone will love and accept you just the way you are.
2006-12-10 00:52:11 · answer #8 · answered by Beth T 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I don't think there's anything wrong with a woman not wanting to have kids. Kids are wonderful, if you are the kind of person who just love, love, loves them....but even your own can wear you out. I had my daughter when I was very young, she's almost 16 now and my only child. I love her with all my heart, but raising kids does take a lot, it's a HUGE commitment. I can totally understand you, and no woman is no less womanly just because she doesn't have a baby.
2006-12-09 21:37:17 · answer #9 · answered by Kerry 7 · 6⤊ 0⤋
Nothing wrong with you not wanting to have children. That is your choice and if you do not want children then do not have any. I think it is rather selfish to have children if a person cannot take care of them properly then it is for someone to not have children at all.
2006-12-09 21:40:39 · answer #10 · answered by luvlisteningtomusic 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋