Any true guys out there who know why guys cheat?

Question

I don't know what I do wrong. I have been married 3 times and each time I have been cheated on. I trust completely. I don't check phones or emails, I don't mind you going to strip clubs or watching porn, I work, I don't cheat. I'm fairly good looking I'm a hard worker. What could I be doing wrong. Is it because I trust too much? Should I start acting like an investigator. I don't. I feel everyone deserves their privacy and that I should be able to trust them, but maybe because I give too much freedom this happens to me. I mean I used to watch porn with them, go to strip clubs with them, let them go out on their own, cook their meals, wash their clothes, be nice. What do you think I could have been doing wrong. They all apologized to me for doing that but I just could not forgive. So I left 3 men for cheating. Advice please?

I think tht 95% of men watch porn and I would like to know what is a broken chooser?

well, I haven't gone out it in 3 years and I'm getting kinda lonely. I see my life just passing me by. I believe in God. I believe he will not leave me.

Only my first husband was goodlooking. The others were ugly as hell and they still cheated. I'm at a loss for words. Really. See y 360 profile. I don't think I'm that ugly.

Answer 1

That's a tough question. I don't think guys cheat so much as I think some people cheat because enough women do it too. Don't beat yourself up over this. Those guys all made a choice that required several conscious steps in order to fulfill.

I've been married for almost 6 years and I have never, as in not ever, cheated on my wife or anyone I've ever dated. I'm tall, dark, and handsome. I have a good sense of humor, a lot of friends, I'm well educated, and have always been in pretty good shape. Over the years I've had both the opportunity and the desire for other women; however, there's a certain level of integrity I hold myself to that I don't ever want to break for a momentary gain. And in addition to that I've only been involved with women that I respect and care for so how could I deliberately hurt them? If you love your wife, when she hurts you hurt. So if I hurt her I would ultimately be hurting myself.

The fact that you've been cheated on three times by three different husbands suggests that there may be some deeper issues at work. There's a pattern in the men that you're attracted to and that pattern is there for a reason. You have to consider how you grew up and what you saw at home in the example of the people that raised you -- particularly your father figure. Sometimes in life we chase after painful unresolved experiences in from our past. You have to consider the impact of physical, emotional, or sexual abuse in your past. You appear to be choosing your fate by choosing a certain kind of man moreso than something you are doing in the relationship. You have to figure out the patterns that you are repeating in your life. I suggest you talk to licensed and experienced counselor or therapist if you can. And if you can't, buy a notebook and start keeping a journal on the men in your life to see what the patterns of behavior are. Write about your childhood experiences with men: brothers, father, step-father, boyfriends, uncles, any man close to you. How did your mother handle relationships with men. All these things are key. Deep down you may be choosing men that you know or believe wil eventually cheat on you as in the term, 'self-fulfilling prophecy'.

I am lucky to have had good examples growing up. My mom and dad are still together and still happy. My dad was home for dinner where we ate togehter every night as a family. Daily I saw my mother and father show love, affection, and mutual respect. They argued too. But they always worked things out. So this example influenced me and set a benchmark.

Good luck figuring this out. And be patient, this kind of self examination takes time. You'll get there.

Answer 2

Well, if you really expect anymore then standard answers and people venting on here, then you are in trouble. LOL. Look, one of the reasons that so many people today do so many things that are wrong is because it usually doesnt cost them much for doing so. Simply look at how standards have changed over the years and what is now normal. These things became normal because they are accepted and it just dont cost much for doing them. People are not looked down upon for things. They are not ridiculed. They are told that they have a right to be happy and to go after what makes them happy.

Now, since we have no idea what types you married, how you met them, if they were married or with someone when you met, how you act, what you will and wont do in and out of bed, it is kind of hard to give a very good answer. If for example, you met someone who was married or with someone else, then why is his leaving you or cheating on you any worse then when you got him from another? Men generally want sex a lot. If the spouse wont give in fairly often, and show him some want of him, he is likely to cheat. Simple.

I commend you for the way you say you act. I agree that you should not have to investigate your spouse, but then protecting yourself when you are shown reason to doubt isnt a bad thing either. I will say that I dont see a need for a man or women to go to bars or clubs without their spouse. I sure dont see a need to go to titty clubs. Anyman with a brain knows it stupid and the women there only laugh at him as the fool he is. But, if you find men that have a want or need to do such things, you are also being given a clue that you disregarded.

Maybe you are guilty of something that so many are. You have this idea that when you find someone and see things that you dont like about them, you try to tell yourself that you can fix them, they will change, love will overcome all, they will grow into the good person they should be. If you are doing this, you are simply setting yourself up for failure everytime. Maybe you just want someone in your life so badly that you dont really look at what you are getting. You have to answer those things for yourself.

People only change and become better people when they wish to do so or when the way they are and the way they act costs them more then they are willing to pay or give up. Sadly for you, it appears that you are not something they are unwilling to give up, but then you are not alone for many of us have been cheated upon.

Answer 3

First,visual stimulation for some men is very strong. I know of guys who would never think of cheating on their spouses but still engage in those activities - even when they know it is not appropriate once one is in a LTR. Which brings me to my second point, you should ask firmly that your significant other stop engaging in activities that involve porn - not because its wrong - but because of how it makes you feel. Tell him to do it for you. Guys have been told it is wrong for forever, and yet the industry thrives. If the guy is into you, loves you, respects your feelings, they would make a strong effort to curb the habit. Easier for some. Yet that is part of the compromise made to be in a loving relationship with another human being. Third, if you are meeting these guys at strip clubs etc., you need to go else where. Not a real healthy environment to meet someone in whom you are looking for a LTR. As others have stated, if you continue to enable your partner to be in that environment you are increasing the odds of a cheating episode.

As to why men cheat. SEX. Big driver for short term interactions with partners outside the primary relationship. Either what is going on isn't keeping them interested or it isn't enough. Again, if you are meeting in gentlemen's clubs - not a good thing. Men don't see sex the same way women do. We don't have the consequence of becoming pregnant. Carrying a child to term and nuturing it through life is a long term commitment that involves lots of loving and tenderness. Personally I think this is why many women instinctively equate sex with those instense emotions related to commitment. [I am not saying all women.]

Men have affairs because of a lot of other reasons. I am talking about longer term relationships outside the primary, that most likely involve sex, but it isn't the main driver. Reasons might include: low self esteem, feelings of inadeqacy, found someone with more common interests, being ignored, feelings of smothering. being taken for granted, disrespected, or abused. Similar things to what you are probably looking to overcome when in a relationship with a man. While we express them differently and respond to them differently, I don't think what we ultimately want out of our primary relationships is that much different.

Last bit. Remeber that forgiveness and forgetting are different. You can forgive someone - meaning you don't habor ill will towards them for what they did, but that doesn't mean you forget what they did and how it made you feel. And you should remind them now and again of how it made you feel. Not when you are dealing with something else in anger. Do it when there is calm in the relationship and it is a comfortable time to talk. Bringing it up again in an arguement really creates the perception of not forgiving. Again, only you can decide to forgive and what you will ulitmately tolerate from your partner.

PS If you didn't trust your partner completely you shouldn't marry them in the first place.

Answer 4

Men are insecure and seek out those they feel give them what they emotionally need, even if its only for the short term. Woman that have been cheated on often ask themselves what they did wrong? Often the case is 'nothing'. You can't change the way a person thinks or acts. Only they can effect change within themselves. Read the Bible daily and seek counsel from the Holy Spirit. God knows your heart. Perhaps taking a break from the dating scene is the best answer for you at this stage in your life. Only you and Jesus knows for sure.

Answer 5

well i dont get it either. sounds like we are both in the same boat. everyone i have been in a marriage or serious relationship with has cheated. i seem to keep picking the same losers. two were serious abusers, one was a verbal abuser with some physical thrown in for good measure. but they all cheated. i like you work and cooked and cleaned made them the center of my life and made sure they had what they needed before my own needs most of the time. last one had an affair with a toothless co-worker, (go figure) so i am now alone and still dont understand. i wish you happiness though. you deserve it.

Answer 6

News flash. Men AND women cheat. People cheat because they CAN. It's easy. So, immature adults decide that since "everybody" cheats, they should too. People don't cheat for all the silly reasons folks use as excuses for cheating, they cheat because they CAN. That's all. They can. It isn't the fault the the spouse that is being cheated on, it's their fault, their responsibility. The good news is that there are adults. Not every man and woman wants to cheat. You will find a man for yourself, as long as you insist on a honest faithful partner. Don't give up on love- it does exist.

Answer 7

There are men who cheat (most of them) and men who don't (a very tiny minority). Don't take it personally. Men are conditioned to want to spread their seed around, and for most men, the sexual act is just that: sexual. Be angry when your husband has an affair. Otherwise, maybe you should play with them. And let it be known that if they intend on cheating on you, what's good for the goose is good for the gander. That's usually enough to keep men from straying, if they know their activity will affect their relationship and trust. If they don't think you care, they may feel that what they are doing is harmless.

Answer 8

Fear of commitment. Not getting what they need at home. Mismatched sexual drives. Mean, angry wives. There are many reasons.

You sound like a very cool lady. I am guessing you also gave them the sex they wanted along with going to strip bars watching porn with them so I don't know. Maybe you just are picking the wrong guys?

Answer 9

Well Honey, let me tell ya what< A REAL ,HONEST LOVING MAN won't cheat on his girlfriend / wife!!!! There are a few low life's out there who give us "Honest "REAL MEN" a bad name!!You just happened to pick 3 bad apples out of the barrel is all. You sound like ONE HECK OF A WOMAN TO ME,ONE IN 1,000,000! Someone who deserves to be put on a pedestal and cherished,revered and loved unconditionally. So please,PLEASE,DO NOT GIVE UP!!! Mr. Right will come along!!! BELIEVE ME!!!!! I don't blame you at all for leaving those scumballs lying in the gutter. Just make sure the next one you look for is not already in the gutter. Just because a guy is good looking look for one who has a goodheart and some morals,cause they're are plenty of us out there

Answer 10

Please do yourself a favor and buy "He's Just Not That Into You" by Greg Behrendt.

If a man cheats on you, he does not truly love you, and is not the man you are destined to be with. There is absolutely, positively, no excuse for cheating! Keep looking, there are still some good ones out there!