My ex-wife and I have two daughters and we both have joint custody and they visit with me on the weekends. I am currently in another relationship and my GF and I have been together for 2 years and we also have one child. My ex-wife is a drama queen, enjoys confrontation, and is always bickering and complaining and wanting to argue over petty things over the phone about the kids.
For Example: Why did your GF tell out daughter that she can't watch TV right now? Or when my daughter talks back. Why did your GF yell at her?
I don’t want to deal with her but, I have to because she is the mother of two of my daughters. Do you think that eliminating phone communications with my ex in reference to the kids unless it is an emergency and only utilizing e-mail communication to avoid verbal confrontations? I've done this before with her last year and it worked but I started talking to her on the phone. Well now she is in ***** mode so I think I need to change back to the e-mail indefinite.
2006-12-09 19:14:42 · 17 answers · asked by Frustrated Boi 757 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Definately!
2006-12-09 19:18:05 · answer #1 · answered by DeeDee 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
How old are your girls? Do you have to talk to the ex at all? If the girls are old enough you should only have to call to talk with them if it is to set up arrangments to have the girls on visitations and than your divorce papers cover you there so e-mail her and tell her whats what. But remember whatever you write can also be used against you as much as what she might say to you. Will your girls be able to read what is wrote by the 2 of you. Keep it in mind even if small now they grow up and learn computers early these days. You have to get along for the girls sake and hopefully your ex and the gf realize this soon to and stop the jeolousy. The ex needs to find someone else. If she did she would move on and work with you and the kids.Unless there is abuse on either side, with the kids then why is it any of either business what is going on when the kids are with the other one.Would you have to know why her bf yelled at the girls? If your daughter is talking back then she needs to learn some respect. Almost sound to me like the mother is putting you and gf down in front of kids that's just not right. I believe both parents should not talk BAD about the other to the kids they love both and don't need to go through any more difficult decissions and emotions. The divorce is hard enough on them. Worked out well for me when I talked to his new gf and then his wife about things rather than him and I getting into it. Might try that too. Good luck its a long road to go.
2006-12-09 19:57:51 · answer #2 · answered by sherbug 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honestly since the only reason you have to communicate with her is the kids, unless it's vitally important, or an emergency I'd do the emails. It's no fun having to stay in touch with an ex, but emails can make it easier because she can't argue back with you as much :-) It sounds a little like your girls are complaining to her about your girlfriend from the example ?s she asks you. Mothers get extremely upset when their kids have a stepmom or potential stepmom sometimes, and she may feel that your girlfriend is trying to replace her in some way. Since you have shared custody, this might not be the case but the next time she brings up your girlfriend you may want to tell her that you girlfriend needs to be able to deal with the girls too, and that if the gf crosses the line you will handle it but she hasn't crossed it so far. That may help to get the ex off your back about that. Since the emails worked before they should work again, I hope they do. I wish you good luck :-)
2006-12-09 19:26:24 · answer #3 · answered by snickers12121488 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A very good question. The answer in my opinion is talk to her about communicating by email. She may consent if she doesn't want to hear from you either. It will make things easier for both of you and the kids do not have to listen to you two fighting.
There is an advantage to using email. By law you can not tape anyone's phone conversation (though Mr. Bush thinks he can) and if you did you can be held liable and arrested for interfering with her privacy. Some ex's are vicious enough, as are their attorneys and this would not help you. Taping phone conversations are a definite no-no. On the other hand using email to correspond with her would be legal as long as she answers the emails since she is now a consenting party. Anything she says to you via email may hold up in court.
I had to deal with my ex at one time and it wasn't pleasant. That was 15 years ago when my two sons were young. Over the years we became friends because we HAD to for the sake of our children. Today her and I are friends and we have our moments of fighting like back in the day but you know what.....she is still my friend and always will be. Her husband understands that and I am friends with him as well. Both of my sons grew up well adjusted in this type of relationship with her.
If both you and her truly care for your kids you both need to sit down and understand you two will know eachother for the rest of your lives because of the kids. You two better start getting use to that, get over the BS that keeps you fighting and just become amicable. You would be the bigger man if you took the first step to sit down and rationally talk it out with her.
Best of luck!
2006-12-09 19:45:31 · answer #4 · answered by r_a_i_n_m_a_n_5_9 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
E-mailing and texting doesn't really allow for a 2-way conversation. It's great for short answers, but not good for having a conversation about something or making decisions. Assuming you have a valid reason, such as children, to have conversations with her, just pick up the phone and talk. If she is too controlling or domineering over the phone and leads you to avoid 2-way conversation, then that's something you need to work out together, and counseling might help you assert yourself and set boundaries if needed.
2016-05-23 01:34:32 · answer #5 · answered by Clarissa 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think your right. You need to tell her you are going back to the emailing and don't start back with the phone again.
Sounds like she feels jealous over the relationship you have with g/f and is afraid the kids will like your g/f better.
Your g/f might try to send your ex an email explaining that she isn't trying to take her place but she is only trying to be a good step-parent and wants to be on good terms with her (the ex) for the kids sake.
Hopefully things work out.
2006-12-09 19:49:21 · answer #6 · answered by LC 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do what is best for your daughters. If you cannot communicate over the phone effectively then I suggest e-mail and too if she is a B**** over the net you have a written example to black mail her with. You guys need to get along with each other...apparently you got along twice and created children so try to be civil now that you involved two innocent children. Good Luck!
2006-12-09 19:19:30 · answer #7 · answered by LenaRose 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You probably won't like my answer. Why don't you just leave her and the kids alone. I'm sure your gf would rather it just be you her and her kid. gf are always jealous of the ex so there will always be a problem. She's probably not a drama queen, what she's talking about is probably actually important, but you were brainwashed by your gf to think it's not a big deal. I think your ex is doing great, I would never let someone who is with my ex tell my kids anything, but I don't have that problem because I'm in the process of terminating my ex's parental rights so my kids never have to deal with someone who is a nobody to them telling them what they can and can't do. When I told my ex to go, I told him not to look back if he couldn't act right. You're the parent, your gf can just tell you the problem, and you should deal with it; that's probably all it will take to fix things.
2006-12-09 19:25:32 · answer #8 · answered by Aliayh 2 · 1⤊ 3⤋
All I can say is talk to your G/F about how she feels about things.....I am sure the two of you can come up with a decent way to deal with your EX...just try not to keep anything from your new G/F or she might think that you are lying to her about stuff....trust me....I am telling you this from the G/F point of view....Good Luck!
2006-12-09 20:47:04 · answer #9 · answered by stefanie s 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That is exactly what I would do, no one wants to deal with an evil miserable intolerable human being. So, do this and you will have peace and quiet. Just tell her to call you directly if their is an emergency. You think she would have figured it out by now. Good luck and God bless****
2006-12-09 19:18:39 · answer #10 · answered by ? 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋