i asked my husband about going to marriage counseling?

Question

My sister asked me to ask you all here.What would you do or think about her offering her husband to go to marriage counseling and he told her you can go to counseling,But he is dealing with everything himself and does not want to go with her,they are currently seperat.ed

Answer 1

He isnt ready to make a commitment with her. If he truly loved her he would swallow his pride and do whatever she wished to fix the relationship.

Answer 2

If you feel there is a need for marriage counseling, then there likely is. Even if he doesn't see it (they usually don't). You should seek counseling for yourself. Be true to yourself, if you aren't you will resent him for not allowing you to be yourself, the new rediscovered you. This will definitely come between you two eventually. There is absolutely nothing wrong with marriage counseling or counseling for yourself. I applaud you for seeking marriage counseling and asking him, that is a hard thing to do. Most people just quit on the marriage. I would suggest that you seek counseling for yourself and then maybe bring up marriage counseling again later or ask your counselor for advice on seeking marriage counseling.

Answer 3

I think that is entirely his right and his decision to decline, but the real question is, can your sister live with that??

He may just be the type of person who hates that sort of thing (counselling) and a lot of men do! Maybe she can work with her counsellor alone and find out how good ways to talk to her hubby without a counsellor being present.
She can learn about some good communication and how to get him to talk about his feelings, without bullying him or getting into an argument.
This will work if he is emotionally mature and interested in saving the relationship.

She may need to look at her own 'stuff' with the counsellor in regards to her relationship, getting out resentments, talking about the marriage etc, making sure she is accountable for her part of the marriage break up, if that is applicable.

If she truly and totally feels she needs both of them to go to counselling if the relationship is to be resumed, she needs to make that perfectly CLEAR to her hubby that, that is what she needs from him, in order to move on. She needs to say 'I want you to do this with me, and if you don't want to do it, then I don't think I can be with you'.

If he knows the importance to her and STILL says no, I would say he is not worth fighting for, because he is not caring enough about her, to want to work towards a solution.

Be prepared for the consequences of this sort of ultimatum because he may say 'so be it I don't want to do counselling' in which case, I hope she was honest when she said that, because she won't be able to change his mind, the only thing then, is acceptance.

Good luck to your sister

Communication is the biggest thing in a relationship, in my opinion

Answer 4

She can't force him to work on the marriage but she certainly can get counseling on how to deal with the separation and his unwillingness to seek counseling as a couple. It sounds like he isn't really wanting to be with her or he thinks she is the one with the problem. He may be ignoring his own problems or she may be his problem but a loving husband would want to help her see his point if that's the case and would go to counseling. Considering those things the marriage probably isn't going to work out because he isn't all in on making it work out and she shouldn't be the only one trying. I wish her and the marriage the best.

Answer 5

I think it is ridiculous of him to say that. Marriage counseling works best when both, the wife and husband go together. She did not cause the trouble in the marriage by herself so why should she get counseling by herself? I would take this as a big indication of where things are going and perhaps go to counseling without him, not to work on the marriage but on her own issues. A man who has his marriage in trouble and declines an offer of help, is a man who isn't putting in much effort in making it work. I think you should help your sister get over this guy. Best of luck! Tell her to above all stay strong.

Answer 6

Your sister is making the effort to try to heal whatever is wrong with the marriage, and that is wonderful. However, it takes 2 to make the marriage work. If he won't go to marriage counseling then there's nothing she can do about that. Counseling for herself might be helpful to her though, it'll not only give her a controled environment to vent, but it'll also give her a way to work through problems she has. It can be frustrating when you want to work with your mate to fix things, and they don't want to talk about it. If she tells him how important this is to her, maybe he'll relent and go. Even if it took awhile for him to open up, it could have a positive impact on their relationship. If he still refuses, she shouldn't nag him, this can cause the rift between them to grow. If he really is trying to deal with everything himself eventually he may bring it up himself. Men and women deal with their issues in different ways, and a lot of men don't like to talk about how they feel. If they love eachother and they both want to fix things they need to converse about the problems they have experianced, and ways to resolve them. Hopefully, if she thinks about what she's going to say to him before she says it, and gets her reasons for wanting the counseling organised into a pretty convincing statement, he will see reason and go with her. If not then she should suggest that they meet just to talk about the problems they had, just the 2 of them without a counselor, and ways to fix them. If he refuses to do that, then he might not want the separation to end. I wish your sister the best of luck in this matter, and weither he decides to go with her or not, I think she may want to get counseling for herself to help deal with all the issues and pain of separation.

Answer 7

A lot of people are ashamed to go to any kind of counseling because of the stigma attached to mental health counseling. They think it automatically means they're "crazy" or demented. That's absolutely false. I worked in a mental health clinic and there were soooo many couples who came in for counseling. 4/5 times it was the woman who called for the appointment and the guy came in after a couple of sessions. Our therapist usually had just one person come the first couple of times and THEN brought in the spouse for joint counseling. I would just make sure that your sister's husband knows that the counselor will not "take sides" or talk down to anyone. Their role is to be the objective listener who presents ways for them to help themselves. I think it's great that she asked him to do counseling, and if he truly loves and cares about her he'll try it. If he won't, she should probably try to find someone who genuinely cares about her and would do anything to get to keep her in their life.

Answer 8

A good "marriage counselor" is not committed to maintaining the marriage. A good counselor will have both parties explore their feelings, feelings toward themselves and toward each other. All marriages don't need to be "saved". But you've got some great answers here. Just as it took two people to make the marriage, any disturbances took two people to create. So, ask the guy if he is willing to explore whether the marriage is worth saving. Of course, he may already have another girlfriend and may not want to salvage the marriage. If that's the case, go see the attorney. But if he's not already hooked up, if he is willing to consider, find a therapist who will tell him that there is no commitment to make the marriage work...just a commitment to both parties to have them do what is best for each of them.

Answer 9

Have him beat up, tied, and taken to counseling...He doesn't want to go, so you are here trying to help your sister manipulate him into going. What is wrong with this picture?


You are such a fraud below is another one of your questions.

How do i get my husband to trust me again??
my husband left me almost 3 months ago - he said it was because i was always talking to other men and writing to men in prison,takling to guys online and over the phone.I told him they were just friends.problems started to happened and I left him for a past friend we had knew years back.And i had affair with this guy twice but each time i left my husband he knew i was with him,this was a year ago,and now he says he left because all of that.He is thinking about giving me a chance,but how do i regain his trust back i have changed and not like that anymore and i want to beable to prove this to him.We have known each other 14 yrs, and married for 4 yrs.

Answer 10

This is very very typical and not good. Men think of the hassle and cost of counseling, and are reluctant to be hassled to open up and bare their thoughts.
I will absolutely guarantee the cost and hassle of a divorce and repercussions are much more expensive and a hassle forever. ** I suggest she go anyway.** I did and glad I did. took a bit to find a good counselor though. Eventually he may decide to go. Too many counselors automatically tell a woman to dump the guy and believe it or not, many men DO get better. Give him time. Love does sometimes disappear in some relationships, and frequently that feeling returns, different, but love. And men have "phases".

Answer 11

If they are separated and your sister offered to go to counseling and he doesn't want to go then there is nothing she can do. Tell her to go on with her life. Maybe she should go to counseling alone just to get her through this tough patch in her life. Hope 2007 is kinder to her