My partner and I have been together for over 6 years and have had many ups and downs in this time, mostly due to alcohol, which is when he becomes aggressive and accusive. He is a caring, faithful and wonderful person otherwise, but he has major issues with my pre-teen son who liked him once but now they won't even talk. He was going to move in with us again, but does not even seem to want to commit to this, let alone marriage and a future. I feel I am on a rollercoaster ride as one day he says and does one thing and on another day is totally different. He has recently been drinking and has dumped me and walked out (again), without any provocation from me. I still love him and am torn between what my head says and what my heart says, as in my 40's I feel I am too old for any more games. Should I move on with my life or keep trying to sort it out ?
2006-12-09 17:42:06 · 23 answers · asked by square_dotzz 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Move on tomorrow morning. Your son is fed up and I'm sure you are too. Be a role model to your kid, not a drunk's doormat. Doesn't matter if you love him or not- you still have to do what's right- if not for yourself, for you son.
If he truly was a caring, wonderful person, you wouldn't be asking this question, Face it: he's an abusive drunk who has been messing you around for 6 years. Your son won't talk to the jerk-- is a pre-teen boy smarter and wiser than his mother?
2006-12-09 17:46:35 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
You can choose to stay on the rollercoaster but you have no right to keep submitting your son to that kind of upheavel. Your ex-partner sounds like a loser. You need to get some personal counseling to help you move on and to learn not to repeat the same mistakes in the future.
2006-12-10 01:46:48 · answer #2 · answered by Raven 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It will never "sort out". You have to stand firm and not let him back in. And, it might be good to get some councilling or a good self help book, because YOU ARE WORTH MORE than settling for someone whose life is out of control, who is not supportive of your son, and who is so emotionally needy when it suits him, and emotionally unavailable when it suits him as well. We all want love, but it is better to be strong and independent and yes -lonely- than to settle for less. Move on. In time, you will make a wiser desicion with your next romantic prospect, and you will find love.
2006-12-10 01:48:52 · answer #3 · answered by ? 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I agree with every one else having seen this kill my mother not by his hand but because even with all the help now available they never really change .It is your life to choose I know you can still love this man deeply and he can be nice at times but in my learn't opinion move on your life will never change for the better unless you do there are good men out there that would love you as you deserve best of luck ...john.
2006-12-10 01:54:55 · answer #4 · answered by john h 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you already know the answer to your question. You are afraid to take the decision and need our incouragement .
You are afraid to go on alone as you are in your 40's as you said. But you should not be. In this stage of life you should enjoy your life and also your son's. You do not need to keep fighting to sort things out which already failed several times.
Let him go and take a break. You will be ok, do not worry.
2006-12-10 01:50:05 · answer #5 · answered by green eyes 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry to hear of your situation hun. If i were you, I'd probably move on because it's what seems like the smartest move for yourself and your teenager. You don't wanna be in a situation where you aren't happy. If you do want to be with him, maybe sit him down and have a serious conversation with him about your relationship and him getting control of his drinking. If he's not willing, then you know what you need to do. Good luck.
2006-12-10 01:47:44 · answer #6 · answered by JB 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You shouldn't we dealing with that, especially if you have a young child witnessing the abuse. I know six years is hard to just let go so if, i mean when he comes back for a second chance, give him an ultimatum. Like go to AA meetings or therapy or even both or there is no chance you'll take him back. Remember, he cant be just good for you, he MUST be good for you and your son because your son comes first not second.
2006-12-10 01:50:03 · answer #7 · answered by Mr. Felix 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I was in the same situation. This is what i told him and meant it . If you love me you will accept and love and support myself and my son. If you dont tell me now and it will be over. dont even think of being dishonest in your answer the truth will come out. We are a packaged deal and futher more you have to accept that you have a drinking problem i will be there to love and support you
That was over 25 years ago and he recently told me that if i hadnt put it to him that way he would have ruined our relationship. Lots of hard work and still hard work but we are together, he supported and loved us and quit drinking many yrs ago. There is still hope just be assertive it works. God Bless you and your family
2006-12-10 01:50:24 · answer #8 · answered by melo 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
he isn't interested in a future, or commitment, plus his drinking is a major issue that can never bring u happiness. u don't have to do anything much to him to upset him, it's his drinking. move on for your own sake, 40 is young, and u have the rest of your life.
2006-12-10 11:51:47 · answer #9 · answered by jude 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
u need to think about ur son and urself...apparently if this guy keeps walking out on u he isnt worth it. as for the alchol there is nothing u can do unless he notices he has a problem with the drinking. u need to move on and find happiness...good luck
2006-12-10 01:46:33 · answer #10 · answered by Michele 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋