My husband is coming home soon. We have been separated for several months because he works in "another country." I am supposed to feel excited, but that is not the case. I feel as if I don't want to see him. I have been faithful, so it is not that I have fell in love with somebody else. He is not a lovely person; therefore, I have learned to survive without him because I am not missing anything anyway. I also wonder if he has been faithful to me. I just imagine him touching me and feel awful. It is going to look suspicious if I tell him, "I don't want to have sex." We have been married for 12 years. I need to control these feelings because we were doing OK before he left. Is it normal to feel like this after a separation?
2006-12-09 16:39:55 · 24 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Fancyname, you asked,
" If things were ok till he left, what has changed. Its not him, its you."
I have spent months telling him, "I miss you; I love you; I want you back," but he never answered anything similar to me. No wonder I feel this way now. His attitude (silence) has extinguished the flame of love.
2006-12-09 17:14:10 · update #1
If this is your first long term separation, it is normal. I went through the same feelings when my husband deployed for 8 months. You have gotten used to being by yourself, and coping with him being gone. Sometimes people don't cope the best way and use some negative thinking, so that they don't miss the person who is gone so much. Wait till you see him, that's when you will know how you truly feel. When my husband came back, every bad feeling just melted away, and I was so happy that he was home.
2006-12-09 16:45:55 · answer #1 · answered by Lovebug123 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you have been surviving well without him it makes sense that you would not necessarily feel excited to have him coming back. Even in the best relationship it is sometimes a difficult transition to shift from independence to interdependence and it doesn't happen right away. In your case it seems that there are already problems that need to be addressed. I don't know what is the best thing you can do or say, but I wish you well and encourage you to visit a family or marital counselor on your own before your husband returns to get some advice on how you can best approach him in a way that respects his feelings while not compromising yourself.
2006-12-09 16:44:54 · answer #2 · answered by surlygurl 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't know if this is supposed to be normal but it definitely has a lot to do with you two being separated for so long that you have gotten so used to him not being around. You probably feel that by him coming back, he will be "interfering" with your new found routine. I suggest you give each other time to adjust to each other again. You will need to get to know each other all over again after this long separation.
My sister has gone thru something similar (her husband is in the military) but when they got adjusted to each other again, everything was back to normal in no time.
2006-12-09 16:46:39 · answer #3 · answered by jdhs 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Is this normal (feelings toward husband)?
2014-12-16 02:35:05 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe you just feel this way because of the time you have been apart and you are use to doing it without him. Did you possibly start having bad feelings toward him because you were upset that he was away so long? I am not sure why you feel this way but maybe you don't want to be with him anymore. Good luck to you.
2006-12-09 16:42:57 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You take control and seriously work at putting some passion back in your marriage. If things were OK before he left, it's worth putting some energy into rejuvenating those old feelings. Teach him to be romantic. Start reading some erotic romantic stories to get you in the mood.
2006-12-09 16:45:22 · answer #6 · answered by Raven 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are angry about the separation and angry that your life is not lovely. You are blaming him, which may or may not be right. You are under no obligation to have sex with anyone unless you feel like it. What were the things that attracted you to him in the first place? Concentrate on those. You married him for a reason, what was it? If things were ok till he left, what has changed. Its not him, its you, why?
2006-12-09 16:57:06 · answer #7 · answered by fancyname 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds to me as if you have in a sense "moved on". You shouldn't feel guilty about your feelings, they just are. Because of the way that you are feeling, perhaps it's time to consider a true seperation. Don't you want your parnter in marriage to be someone whom you are in love with? Think about what you might be missing if you stay.
2006-12-09 16:51:14 · answer #8 · answered by sciteach9 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well it sounds like you light be feeling that way because he was apart from you for so long i suggest you give it a chance Wait until hes with you and i would also pray about it ask god to help you funny thing marriage is a union that god has blessed so I'm sure he would love to help you just ask OK good luck its gonna be OK !
2006-12-09 16:52:35 · answer #9 · answered by sadeyez 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think that from the sounds of him he isn't that faithful. I'm not sayin that to make you feel bad either. Personally I would sit him down and have a talk with him.
2006-12-09 16:46:12 · answer #10 · answered by Nicky 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋