My husband is a young-ish guy, (28), and everynight that he isn't working, he drinks beer. He usually drinks between 4-8 a night....I think that this is a little "overboard". I have tried asking him to lay off a bit, I have tried making jokes about it, I have even just tried to ignore the problem - but I need to know how to deal with it. He is a person who will not really "discuss" anything...or fight for that matter. It just seems to be cutting down on "us" time, because he will drink, and then get so tired from it he will be in bed by 9:00 or 9:30 at night, when I am up until at least 11:00 or so......HELP!!!
2006-12-09 15:40:39 · 19 answers · asked by mrsmollymosher 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
If he keeps this up, before long it will bring you down. My mom never drank, and she moved in with her boyfriend who only drinks, never wants to do anything. So just to have something to talk about or make it seem they were doing something she began to drink. Now my mom has a problem. I'm not saying you will do this. Just go with how you feel. Maybe make a date night. Go somewhere where it will be hard to have a drink. That will give you some time for each other. If he sees just how much this is bothering you, he might change his tune. One question? Was he like this when you dated, or is this just recently? If just recently there might be some other things going on, and now would be a good time to get to those before they get any worse.
Good luck. Also you said your guy is a "young-ish" are you older? that could be why this is so hard to understand. Good luck
2006-12-09 15:51:01 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, you think he's drinking 4-8 a night, but it's probably more. There is no way you can get him to cut back or stop. He has to come to that conclusion himself, and that is probably a long way down the line when he hits his rock bottom crisis. You can go to some Al-Anon meetings and benefit from being with people who are in the same situation so you can better cope. We drinkers are being eaten up by something, and until we face up to that and deal with it the drinking will continue. He also has to learn to deal with problems or things that bother him when they occur--discuss them rationally, resolve it one way or the other, forget it and move on to things that provide joy in his life. I bet he never misses a day or work and everybody says he's a hard worker. Molly, I lift you and your family up in pray. I wish you the best. Beer was my poison, too, and I was a home drinker.
2006-12-09 15:53:53 · answer #2 · answered by Darby 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm so sorry. I wish I could help. I'm a husband, 29 years old myself. My wife is concerned about me too, but I drink 1 or 2 beers a night. So your case is much more extreme than hers.
I'll tell you that I wish my wife wouldn't say anything about it. But I don't go to bed early or anything like that. 4-8 beers is a lot more than 1 or 2.
I have no advice. Only sympathy. If you want to talk, my e-mail is available.
2006-12-09 15:45:51 · answer #3 · answered by lucky 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am sorry to tell you but your husband is an alcoholic. Unless he admits it and is willing to seek help there is not much you can do. You might try counseling if he agrees. Alot of alcoholics believe because it is "only beer" it is not a problem, so good luck. If he refuses to get help, you need to do some serious soul searching and decide if you want to continue investing yourself in this relationship. From the sounds of it you are young and have a long life in front of you. Believe me it goes by slow when you are with someone who has to get their "fix" . Take care of yourself.
2006-12-09 15:51:05 · answer #4 · answered by Mrs"H" 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Unfortunately u cant get him to stop drinking...he has to do it on his on. If he doesnt think he has a problem then u might as well forget it. I was married to my ex for 12yrs and he drank every night even if he worked. I tried to get him to stop, then a friend introduced me to alanon, went to a few meetings and found out nothing i could do...him getting a dui didnt even make him stop..so just have some patience and hopefully he will wake up and see what he is doing to u...good luck
2006-12-09 15:46:17 · answer #5 · answered by Michele 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sorry to tell you this but there isn't to much you can do for your husband.He is the one with the problem and unless he emits he has a problem then you have two choices here.1 you put up with it and hope he stops on his own or tell him you have had enough and if he don't get help you will leave him.That is all you can do.
2006-12-09 17:32:23 · answer #6 · answered by Teenie 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is bad, nowhere to go from here but down. He'll continue to pick up his drinking and you will be out in the cold. I suggest you tell him your not living this way and go. I hate to say that except I can't see anything else happening. Good luck to you.
2006-12-09 15:50:06 · answer #7 · answered by ? 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Go to Al-anon. They will show you the patterns of an alcoholic and the patterns of the wife of an alcoholic. They will guide you on the ways that work and the ways that are not effective. You can find a meeting if you call your local AA group. It is a great group and you will be surprised how well you fit in.
2006-12-09 15:45:29 · answer #8 · answered by J89434 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You can't get anyone to do anything they don't want to do. I know that is not what you want to hear, but we all have free will and you can't take that away. All you can do is be there but at some point you need to decide how long to stick around. Call Dr. Laura, she will set you straight on this issue.
2006-12-09 15:46:30 · answer #9 · answered by TotallylovesTodd! 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think drinking every night is a sign there's a problem.
Ask him to quit for a month a see what happens.
If he can't or if he gets defensive he needs to get some help.
You can join Al-Anon for some support.
2006-12-09 15:43:50 · answer #10 · answered by daljack -a girl 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋