Should I ignore it or is it better to be wrong instead of right and sorry?

Question

Ok there is an instructor of mine who I really respect because he helps me and never grows tired of me. He'd always call on me during class because I am always honest(usually I don't know how to do the problem or I just guess). Sometimes he'd tease me or joke. Or act like a bunny rabbit. I'd go to his office for help on the assignment when I need to like twenty times that day.

Anyway Tuesday when I went in to get help he uh stared at my chest while talking, I came in later and he helped me and as I was pushing a chair away he ogled me and I felt his eyes go up and down on me(from the corner of my eye I could see!). Two days later that evening I was on the floor wrapping presents to help my friends with a charity. He said goodnight and stuff. I said seeya and as he turned to go down the second set of stairs, I smiled at him and he just gave me a serious intense creepy stare.

Ok I'm running out of characters so wait.

Well I'm scared to defend myself if he does anything to me because I don't want to be suspended.

I was sexually assaulted a year ago by some guy he went to jail and now is a sex offender.

So should I ignore it like a friend of mine suggested so he won't feel bad and prevent embarrasment and hope I'm wrong or what? Suggestions?

I'm much stronger and healed and I'm not afraid to defend myself.

I've been suspended before because I never went to class and did homework because I was suffering from my trauma from last year.

Don't worry I had counseling

it takes me an hour longer than everyone else to finish the test. I have a finals test this next Wednesday(upcoming wednesday) and yes I will be alone with him/

He's married and got kids and grandkids

Answer 1

Unfortunately, looking at you is not against the law. HOWEVER, any time you feel like you do, it is sexual harrasment. If it's in school, tell someone. If he's doing it to you, be sure it's happening to someone else as well. If you don't say something for your own behalf, defend the people you don't see and let this guy know that it's not okay to keep it going.

Answer 2

If he's just looking, there's no harm, no foul done. If only that one day he just looked at your chest, that could be a one-time thing. Perhaps it was the shirt that you were wearing that "flattered" your appearance and he just slipped. If he's only looking at your body when you're not facing him, that's at least a bit respectful. He may be admiring you from a distance, but is not wanting to be disrespectful by doing that while talking to you.

From what you wrote, I'm guessing this is at college, correct? If so, the instructor may be attracted to you, but he's not going past that since he'd risk losing his job (most, if not all, colleges have strict ethical clauses about teachers not being allowed to date students). If this is in junior high/middle school or high school, then there could be cause for concern.

Either way, if you go back to see him after class, take a friend with you for now on. This will accomplish two things. 1) Your friend will provide a security buffer; if your instructor is trying to flirt with you or is "ogling" you with his eyes, he's much less likely to do so with another person present. 2) Your friend can give you his/her feeling of whether or not the instructor is showing an attraction to you or acting normal (you may be seeing things in one perspective that aren't that way - or they may tell you that you're right on target).

Two side notes to this. 1) The female chest is a sexual body part, even though the primary purpose is to breast feed babies. Men have sexual stimuli and they physically cannot control them all the time (even if they want to). Humans are attracted to movement and the chest moves. The larger the chest, the more it moves when you walk, jump, shuffle, etc., thus, the greater it stands out or is an "eye catcher." 2) If you're going to his office 20 times a day, he may see that as you flirting with him and he may be testing the waters to see how serious you are. Unless you are a very ugly person, he's going to be stimulated every now and then by your visits. The more attractive you are, the more control he has to constantly exert over himself.

Honestly, I would only be concerned if you are in junior high or high school and not college. Either way, the best safety net is to bring a friend along.

Answer 3

Okay, the first thing you need to do is go to your counselor, the dean, headmaster, whomever is in charge of your school and file a sexual harrassment report. Second, you need to let them know that no matter what your history, your instructor is not free to make you feel scared, bad, harrassed, etc. If your school does not take your allegation seriously, then you need to file a complaint with the college and the local fair labor and housing department. Another thing you can do is tell your instructor that you are uncomfortable with the way he looks at you and you feel like you are being harrassed by him. That might be enough to straighten him out. As a last resort, you can always call his wife and let her know what he does while at work! Whatever you do, don't let this creep make you do anything you don't want to do and you should tell your headmaster you want someone else to administer and grade you final exam next week. That way you make sure you don't fail out of spite. Good luck!


P.S. I was reading some of your additional details and I think your friend is wrong, you should not ignore it to prevent embarrassment, he deserves to be embarrassment, not you! You are not doing anything wrong, he is, he is using his position as instructor to try to get sexual favors from you, being a victim of sexual assault, you can surely recognize some of those same feelings I am sure. Do not be a victim, do not let him get away with this! Tell someone, tell everyone! Tell your parents, your other teachers, other students, I bet other girls at your school are experiencing the same thing, but like you are unsure if they should tell. Yes you should, tell everyone and anyone who will listen! If the administrators won't do anything about it, tell the campus police. You don't want to take the chane of being sexually assulted again, and just because he is old and married doesn't mean he isn't capable of hurting you. Please do what you have to protect yourself, no matter what!

Answer 4

Don't do anything just yet to jeopardize yourself or him if your not sure of his intent. But do not ignore this or deny it either. "Cool" your relationship with him on certain levels. Don't be as available and overly friendly, just be civil and polite. If you withdraw from him in these ways he should get the hint. But if he ever, and I mean ever, takes this behavior any further as in, touching you or even talking in a provocative way, immediately tell someone of authority. Do it for yourself and the next person he may offend. As far as I'm concerned he has already gone to far, but your the one who has to be sure of his intentions. You sound very mature, but don't put yourself in jeopardy to protect him.

Answer 5

Well you will have to deal with this the rest of your life, wear loose bulky clothes, etc. and just keep your relationship "professional" and don't be alone with him, EVER. And STOP smiling at him.

Answer 6

too long to read but how about take away the temptation? Wear a turtleneck or high neck blouse..otherwise, you must enjoy the confusion or you would take the factor out of the equation.

Answer 7

One recommendation would be to make sure you are NEVER alone with him. There is nothing worse than finding yourself in a situation where it is your word against his.