ive been hooking up with this guy and we decided its strictly friends with benefits... so far weve just made out, but im starting to get emotionally attached to this guy.. the thing is, i dont think he is feeling the same way (ie. he doesnt want a gf and im not sure if he really likes me as more than a friend). i NEED to find a way to stop feeling emotionally-close to him --- that will only set me up for rejection.
so how do i become less emotionally-attached? i WANT to keep hooking up, its fun.. i just want these feelings to go away.
(ps.. please dont say get out of the relationship, etc... you wotn be helping. just answer my question please).. thanks.
2006-12-09 15:09:54 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
pps im at the beginning stages of a crush, which is why im asking how to stop the crush NOW..
2006-12-09 15:11:51 · update #1
IM NOT HAVING SEX WITH HIM, WERE JUST MAKING OUT. i wont get pregnant, thank you. goddd
2006-12-09 15:13:06 · update #2
You are playing with fire, but I can understand the draw of having a friend with benefits when you are between boyfriends.
Try thinking about him with a little more disrespect and less appreciation. If you see him more as a "something" instead of great guy, maybe you won't fall for him.
Good luck... but it sounds like you are already sweet on him!
2006-12-09 15:15:48 · answer #1 · answered by BuffyFromGP 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I have tried the friends w/benefits thing in the past--it never seemed satisfactory to either party . One of us would get emotionally involved-ended up not having that friend anymore-or I ended up being the one left feeling used. It's very hard to be friends and have sex and just stay friends. I'm straight and its usually the guy who calls it "benefits" and wants to keep it friends,but not always. I'm not suggesting you break up--see what he is feeling. Perhaps he has the same thoughts as you. If you 2 are really friends-you should be able to talk about it. Feelings like you have can be a problem if you like casual sex. Good luck
2006-12-10 00:02:14 · answer #2 · answered by T J ! 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What you are basically asking is how can you become a robot. Probably your best bet would be a lobotomy- or start drinking heavily. You are a human woman; if you fool around with a guy you become attatched. This has allowed the human race to continue into our current century. Who are you to change it?
My advice to you is to find other things to do for fun besides hooking up. Read. Watch movies. Tango. Save sex for someone you love.
2006-12-09 23:49:32 · answer #3 · answered by peggy j 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You say you're not having sex now, but if you keep going with 'making out' it will eventually lead to intercourse. Believe me, darl, I know this from experience (and it was not a good experience). You can't expect a guy to keep just making out. He will want to keep going and if he doesn't feel the same way that u do, then if u stop him once too often, one day he just may take u by force.
I'm sorry, but the only way that u can stop feeling emotionally attached to him is to get right away from him.
Good luck, love, and don't be too hasty.
2006-12-09 23:42:52 · answer #4 · answered by kiwi_mum1966 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
The emotional attachment is hardwired into your brain. We are all slaves to nature. As a girl nature is preparing you to select a partner and pro-create. Friends with benefits in not a natural state for a young woman. These instincts can be overcome but do you really want them to be. Just because it's fun doesn't make it right.
Good Luck
swaney3@gmail.com
2006-12-09 23:17:18 · answer #5 · answered by j.swaney 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think there is any way to stay unemotional. Guys seem okay with it but we tend to have some feeling before we enter a relationship like this. Then, once we are close to someone, the feelings just grow.
I don't think there is any doubt you are going to be hurt. You just have to decide if the time with him is worth the pain. And with some men, it is definitely worth it.
2006-12-09 23:21:05 · answer #6 · answered by honey 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
you want us to say what you want to hear or do you want an answer to your question.
You will continue to have these emotional feelings for as long as you continue to sleep with this man. those feelings are what make "hooking up" with him so much fun or are you too immature to realize that. You can't have your cake and eat it too. The guy just wants fun and games it is obvious that you are unable to keep things on that leval so you have two choices. Keep being used and continue to sleep with this man and get used to the feelings of emotional pain becasue they will get worse the longer you remain attached to this man OR
You can have some self respect and follow what your own mind is telling you to do and that is STOP "HOOKING UP" WITH THIS MAN.
2006-12-09 23:16:21 · answer #7 · answered by CindyLu 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
ok....how to say this in a positive way...
I, personally, think it's whore-like to 'hook up', but i'm a conservative, and apparently morals have degenerated over the years.
really, it seems impossible to not be emotionally attatched to someone if you've already started to be....if you keep doing things, they will
A. get more strong
B. stay the same
so basically, you would have to stop doing stuff
look for someone who wants a long-term relationship
that way, you can 'mess around' and still love each other
anyways, one-sided love hurts
a lot
speaking from experience.
2006-12-09 23:14:35 · answer #8 · answered by toku_kuns 2 · 2⤊ 1⤋
sorry but the more you "hook up" the more emotional you will get. It is only a natural occurence. So stop with the hooking up and the emotions will begin to fade.
2006-12-09 23:13:14 · answer #9 · answered by tcbtoday123 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you can´t change how you feel. how you feel is how you feel...ever felt sad and wanted to feel happier but just couldn´t? that´s life
there really isn´t any other answer but getting out of the relationship.
i don´t understand how people can get pleasure out of hooking up with someone they don´t even love...sorry...it´s like...damn girl...are you that desperate? it´s basically like u´re being his little play toy...of pleezeeee girl! if he doesn´t want a girlfriend he doesn´t love you so get over it
you can´t just make your feelings vanish
you just don´t want to hear the truth and you know what that truth is...the only way to stop these feelings is to get out of the relationship and wah wah wah you can be as pissed or mad or sad as you want that i am telling you the truth of the matter but you´re human and you´re going to have feelings and that is how it is.
2006-12-09 23:19:08 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋