my mother-in-law has created another fight; is she trying to cause a divorce?

Question

my mother-in-law has been living with us since may she was only supposed to be here for a month so she could find a place to rent so she could be close to us. (not a prob) well now it's been 6 months and she refuses to move out. she follows the rules of the house only when my hubby is home and waits outside for him before he gets home from work has tears in her eyes and tell him that i am soo mean and rude to her. well while he is gone she yells and screams at my kids tells me i'm a slob and that i ruined his life by making him get a job to support his family. that i need to be the woman she was and get a job a support the family. (well his dad couldn't walk cuz he was hit by a logging chain and it broke his back). and if i say anything to him about her he gets very pissed at me and if i say anything in my defence he tells me well babe she's my mom and i have to protect her but he complains about all weekend.

is it wrong of me to give him the ultamatum it's her or me and the kids?

well i gave him the ultimatum and was told that he would talk to her in the morning she was asleep right now and he didn't want to disturb her.

i'm sick of it if she has a prob well he takes care of it right then and there. I'm out of here.

Answer 1

This Is definitely a hard time for your husband too though, he has to come home and just imagine what he thinks when he pulls up and his mother Is at the door waiting. Then he has to listen and respond to you, what exactly Is he saying to his mother everytime she come at him? This Is way too much pressure you forget he Is at work and has to deal with day to day stress with his job then come home to the two of you arguing and acting like children. There has got to be some way for this to end I don't feel bad for you I feel bad for the way you two put all this stree on him.

Answer 2

Been there, and done that. I feel for you. My mil tried to do the same thing. We did not live together, but I made the mistake to agree to rent a house that was next door to her- might as well have been living in the same house.
I did give the ultimatum. I told him that I did not marry his family, I married him. The story you are telling is deja vu to me. I called her bluff, though. One day she went into one of her little tirades and was unaware that I reached into the pocket of my pants and hit the record button on the tape recorder. That very afternoon she is standing outside telling him that I did this and I did that, blah, blah, blah. I stood there gritting my teeth and waited til she got through with her bull and then I asked him if wanted to hear the real story now. I also told him that he was going to feel like a very small little man for not believing what I had been telling him about her behavior when he was not home. Then I played the tape. You could literally see the color wash out of her face, she was white as a ghost. My husband just stood their with his mouth open. Needless to say, I never had to worry about her mouth again, and we moved to another town 5 miles away from her house in less than a week after he heard the recording. Sometimes you have to do what you gotta do. Try taping her, it will nip it in the bud.

Answer 3

Mother-in-law needs to get her own place to live-she can say that she will not move-my answer to her would be-you can move on your own or I will move you and you can stand outside with those fake tears and tell your son if you want I don't give a darn and the next time that you yell at my kids you will not have to move because the police will be moving me-understand-I did not marry you I married your son and if he don't like what I am telling you he can move out with you-NO it is not wrong to give him the ultamatum-it is you are his mother-tell mother-in-law her son made those babies and he should take care of them-you can't be that big of a slob she is still there-tell her to get up off her butt and clean up if she don't like the way the house look-she is upset that her son got a job-tell her that he can quit his job and she can get one and take care of you and the kids and her son-you don't care which one of them have the job as long as one of them have a job to take care of your kids-ask her what kind of woman was she-the kind that was waiting on her son to grow up so she could move in with him and his family-if she was so great she would have a apartment of her own-tell your husband that his mother is a grown woman that can care for herself-she is a moocher-she will always be his mother-but now he is married to you and you come first and mother is second-she is jealous of you-she is trying to break up your marriage-give her the boot-gotta go-NOW-if she had to work when his father was sick she can work now-I know that she gets her husband pension now-she can care for hreself-she don't want to move-she like causing problems between you and your husband because she know that he will be own her side-stop it and stop it now before she go to far 6 months is long enough-she gotta got

Answer 4

no its not wrong. He can still love his mother even if she lives in another place. It was only supposed to be a month now she's gotten comfortable and wants to ruin your marriage. I'd tell him look either she goes or me and the kids go. tell him your sick and tired of that woman coming in between you too and if he wants to be a damn mommas boy the rest of his life thats fine but he's gonna have to do it alone. i think he'll get the picture and sweety if that dont work save up a little money get you a motel room for a few nights pack your clothes leave him a note he'll freak out and tell his mom to hit the road. Once he knows your dead serious about leaving if she dont he'll come begging for you to come back.

Answer 5

I hate nosy, controlling, manipulative mother in-laws---my fiances mother is the same way, but i am not saying i hate her because she is not my mother in law yet, thank God! If she is this bad, what the hell will she turn into once we are married? I dread the thought, and I know it will happen because people like her never change, and i fear that she might ruin my marriage because her son, my fiance will not stand up to her and i will not be the only one fighting to keep the marriage, but he seems to think that once we get married things will change! Yeah right, they never will! I don't know why i am still with him! I do not like the person i am when i am around her! P.S.---we live with his parents!

Answer 6

Give him the ultimatum. My MIL didn't live with us but she tried to break us up too....she's evil I tell ya! Anyway I'd had enough and made him choose. He knew I was dead serious too because I was packing to leave if he didn't put her in her place! He called her up and told her what was what and for several months she was totally put of our lives. Now she's kinda back but she is at least trying to act like an actual human instead of the demon spawn I know she really is! Maybe if she sees that he's going to act like a man instead of a mama's boy she'll back off so she isn't totally cut off. It worked for me ....hopefully it could for you too! Good luck!

Answer 7

Congratulations you have made it into the "Mother In Laws From Hell Club"...I am a member myself...

You need to tell your mother in law that she is currently a guest in YOUR house and she needs to respect you and she needs to let you raise YOUR children and she needs to keep her mouth shut in regards to how you maintain YOUR home and raise YOUR kids...damn I hate mother in laws....Just because she worked and her husband didn't doesn't mean you are supposed to. Sounds like you have a mama's boy on your hands. She probably makes him feel guilty and he feels obligated to take her side.

Enough of that crap too! He isn't under her roof anymore. She isn't raising him. He is an adult now with his own family. He needs to set a good example for his kids. Letting them see grandma disrespect their mother and also treat them badly is not benefical for them. It's toxic. You need to let him know that she has long overstayed her welcome. You have put up with it long enough and he needs to find her alternative living arrangements ASAP or he can leave and take her with him....unless you are willing to leave with the kids and have a place to go if you don't mind giving up the house if it comes to that.

Ultimately you shouldn't have to go anywhere. She needs to go and if he can't see that he is married now and he needs to stick up for his wife and trust you then he needs to go too. I have had a similar situation with my husband in terms of him having a hard time figuring out who was lying. Eventually he realized the truth but it took quite awhile before everything surfaced. His mom still tries to get to him but ultimately he realizes now that she is a liar.

I hope it all works out for you for your sake and your kids. She should know better than to manipulate her son like that and try to cause so many problems in the marriage. Good luck...

Answer 8

No, it isn't wrong for you to tell him either you and his kids or his mother. When he married you he was suppose to leave her behind. It isn't his place to support her or for her to live in your home. She is the one who is rude because when you have to live with someone else you should be glad they are allowing you to live there. Tell her in no certain terms she will not break your marriage apart and stick to it. Sugar will get you more than salt. Kill her with kindness. Let her know she will not win this one. Honey if you love him and he is worth keeping then don't allow this woman to break you up.

Answer 9

Did you try to express your feelings towards her behavior to your mother in law and your husband. I have great relationship with my mother in law, sometimes all it takes is a little acceptance.
If you already tried everything than try to give your hubby one last chance to talk to her but if you threaten him that youll leave him than someday you might have to follow through with it.
I hope things work out for you
Good luck

Answer 10

I wouldn't even talk to him. Monday morning, I'd put her in my car and take her to look at rentals. INSIST she rent one as soon as you find one. Then when hubby get's home from work, have him haul all her **** over to her himself. IF he get's pissy.........then tell him he can pack his own **** too.

These mothers that interfer3e are the worst. I feel for you. BUT she's not your mom, so do with her what you'd do to a stranger.