we've only been married for 3 yrs. i just recently found out that he lied to me about a business meeting that he was supposedly attending. turns out he's been at his dads that just recently got out of jail, after being locked up for 13 yrs. i don't want to get a divorce because i love him, but he's been lying to me for 2 weeks straight about where he is. i confronted him about it and he said he just didn't know how i would react knowing he was going to see his father (who was in jail for sexual assault). yes i don't like his dad at all, but that is no reason for him to lie to me, and this is the second time he's done this. i feel he has no respect for me. also his whole attitude has changed since his dad has gotten out. I really don't know what to do because we have a son and he thinks his dad is the world. please help!!
2006-12-09 14:53:09 · 18 answers · asked by jujubee5180 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
NOTE: I didn't marry him at 13. i was 19 when we got married.
2006-12-09 15:07:21 · update #1
don't divorce him just yet . you need to have a talk to him about how you love him and you don't want him to lie anymore. if you have been with him since you were thirteen then he must be a very trustworthy guy that you care alot about. remember that everyone makes mistakes and that if you were in his shoes you would want forgiveness. if for any reason he keeps making up serious lies to the point that its hurting you or your son then maybe go to a couple counseling session. but never look at divorce as your first option. if you really love him then you will regret it in the future.
best of luck to you!
2006-12-09 14:59:09 · answer #1 · answered by xo marie 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It isn't a reason to get a divorce so dont. He probably lied because he knew that you wouldn't react good to him going and seeing him and by overreacting about it you are proving his point making him think that it was a good idea to lie... You didn't say how old you are now but my guess in your 20's and if his dad was in jail all through his teenage years he didn't have the dad figure to look up to even if he had a step dad its not the same after all these years he is now able to see his dad and hear his side of the story ... maybe his dad has changed and if he hasn't then he will see that in time...... let him go see his dad (if you feel so strongly about it then try to let him see him a limited amount of time but dont let him know that's what you are doing) Good luck with the situation....
2006-12-09 14:59:39 · answer #2 · answered by SunShineBabe 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, lying is never a good thing. But why are you considering a divorce? That is a little harsh.
Its great that your son thinks the world of his dad-but maybe your husband has or wants a good relationship with his father too? Granted that his father was imprisoned for sexual assault and you don't want to have anything to do with him-but do you think you should deny your husband the chance to regain what he had with his father?
You are right-he should have talked to you about it instead of lying. But its his decision if wants to go see his parent. Talk to him about his attitude and negative changes about him that you have been noticing, in a calm manner, not confrontational.
If you really think that the relationship between you and your husband is going sour, then maybe you should look into marriage counseling. Divorce is a drastic step for all involved. Good luck.
2006-12-09 15:49:37 · answer #3 · answered by Kris W 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think the best thing for you to do is to sit down with your husband and have a mature adult discussion that involves no yelling of any sort. Let him know that you were hurt that he lied to you. You must understand that in his eyes he didn't want to tell you as he really wanted to see his father and maybe thought you wouldn't understand. Just because you don't like his father shouldn't mean he can't see his father. It should only mean that you won't be with him on these visits. When it comes to your son seeing his grandfather, then that is a decision for you both to make.
2006-12-09 15:01:24 · answer #4 · answered by kwightman69 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well first of all you have to put yourself in his shoes. say your mother or father went away to jail for something they werent proud of and they got out you would still love them and want to see them even though your husband didnt want you too. there your parents. Well thats his dad he may not be proud of the things his father did but he still loves him he will always be his dad and he cant change anything he's done. he's lying to you cause your giving him such a hard time about it. back off of him you dont have to go see him but you cant stand in the way of your husband and his father. would you want him to do the same to you. I think you should give him a break just tell him if he wants to see him thats fine but dont lie about it just tell you but your not going over there or having anything to do with it. Trust him
2006-12-09 14:59:35 · answer #5 · answered by tcameron_2004 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe divorcing is a little extreme for lying. I know that it is wrong, and all however maybe there is some deeper meaning to it, and you must communicate to your husband your concerns. Try some marriage counselling, and if it doesnt go over well, or if he doesnt want to bother, then maybe divorce wouldnt be so bad. Don't stay in a unhealthy relationship for your kid, it only effects them more.
2006-12-09 14:56:31 · answer #6 · answered by ~carmie~ 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
he obviously is afraid to confront you with his fathers business if he lies in this situation are there other things that indicate that he lies then as well if not you may see his fear at telling you but that does little to built trust confront him on lying in general and if he gets really defensive chances are that he has lied before and find it easier than confronting you then deal with it the best you can and try to help your son understand the difference between lying and the truth
2006-12-09 15:16:55 · answer #7 · answered by doc 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That's not that bad. At least he's not seeing another woman instead of his Dad. You know, someone like your Father has been in jail for that long, you're going to want to visit him, despite what he's done. Either way, try to have a civil discussion.
2006-12-09 14:55:54 · answer #8 · answered by brave_ulysses@sbcglobal.net 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
13...God girl you are still a baby yourself. Is this the Loretta Lynn story. Are you writing from Butcher Hollow? Sorry, couldn't resist. It's not good he is lieing to you...can you talk to a minister or a councilor or someone? Can you tell him how you feel without being beat up? God Bless you!!
2006-12-09 14:58:44 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
since you've been together since you were 13, you may not really love him, you just think you love him because he's all you've known. i would either seek mariage counselling if you really feel you two are meant to be and you think you save the marriage. divorce would be last option if nothing seems to work and you dont think you can be with him anymore
2006-12-09 14:56:53 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋