I have been married 25 years, she sleeps in another room and has done for 10 years. when I try to approach the subject of intimacy, im told to get over it . She refuses to consider divorce, bcoz she loves where she lives, and pretends to family and friends that all is good in our relationship.
2006-12-09 14:45:35 · 12 answers · asked by deedubya 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Deed, you are the only one who can stop this. Either you like the living arrangement or you don't. It doesn't matter how long you have been married, if you chose to stay in this marriage you will have to learn to deal with it. Tell her you will not stand for this anymore and if she loves you she will change and if not she will keep doing as she pleases. You don't need her to consider divorce if you want one file for it.
2006-12-09 15:21:24 · answer #1 · answered by Krinta 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Wow 25 years is a while. If there is anything good about this relationship then seek counseling. If the relationship is hopeless then you might want to look at how to get out of it.
Personally, I think that after a certain period of time with no sexual intimacy, the other party no longer has a claim to you. So at some point, I would say you're free to do whatever you want with whoever you want. After ten years of no sex, I don't think faithfulness is all that important.
But having said that, ending the relationship might be a better plan than having an affair.
That's a tough one.
Good luck to you.
2006-12-09 22:59:27 · answer #2 · answered by DearAbby 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do you still love her? I stayed in a loveless marriage, although it was more on my part than my ex's but it wasn't fair to him or me so I finally left. We were together 19 yrs. Our marriage turned more into a friendship rather than husband and wife and we stayed that way because it was easy and comfortable. Then one day I asked myself can I continue for the next 20 years with no intimacy, closeness, love etc. It wasn't just about sex as it was being in love with the person. If you want this marriage to work you need to talk to her and be persistent. You didn't say if you felt she loves you. You will need to decide what you want. If you can't live this way anymore don't. You are the only one that can change your life. Just because she doesn't want a divorce doesn't mean you can't get one. You will have to initiate it. My ex is now dating someone and now realizes we were in a loveless marriage. I took the step and it hurt him but he is much happier now and I am glad that he found somebody to love. He deserves that as well as me. I have not found that one person but am dating and feeling alive again.
2006-12-09 23:13:25 · answer #3 · answered by gracie 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My wife use to call me just to tell me she loved me. Then she said she wanted a divorce we are still together but finally moving on with the divorce. Your wife maybe going through menopause as my wife is but she won't get the help she needs. She continues to be in denial thus the divorce. I know she loves me but she wants to give up. It is not uncommon so I suggest counseling of some sort, which my wife will not do. If that doesn't work you may be in my shoes soon. Sorry to hear that and good luck to both of you.
2006-12-09 22:55:28 · answer #4 · answered by beamer 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She should refuse to consider divorce beacuse she loves you. It sounds like she's comfortable and dosen't want to have to be on her own but she's making you live a lie if things really aren't ok in the marriage. Suggest couseling if she's not willing then do yourself a favor and go find someone who will give you the affection you crave.
2006-12-10 01:07:44 · answer #5 · answered by dreamer2606 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She may have a medical problem, but barring this, I would set her down and tell her I miss her and would love to have a loving relationship with her and to have her back in your bed...If she will not talk to you tell her to get some counseling or you are getting a divorce..sometimes that shakes one up and they have to start thinking how much the person really means...I wish you luck and hope things turn around...I think she should be in your bed......
2006-12-09 22:55:22 · answer #6 · answered by Brenda Soooooooooooooooooooooooo 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No Fair! If she's not willing to work on the marriage, (have you suggested counseling?) then she threw away the house and her pseudo 'family'. Everyone needs and DESERVES to be happy in love. It's all you.
2006-12-09 22:59:04 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell her to go to counselling with you or you will force a divorce on her.
2006-12-09 22:49:18 · answer #8 · answered by nursesr4evr 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
why dont you just waste another 10 or 20 years with her, its only time.
2006-12-09 22:56:46 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
you are miserable in her lil' game of house. you need to do some soul searching an do what is right for you. aren't you tired of playing her game yet?
2006-12-09 22:51:18 · answer #10 · answered by ~just_jd~ 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋