should I move on?

Question

I am in love with my boyfriend. We have been together for 10 mos. We are in are late 30's. We wanted to get married, but I have some issues with him that I don't know if I can get over. Since, we have been together he has stolen from me. He bought me a engagement ring and stole it out of my room and sold it because he needed money. I found out from a mutual friend he did it. He has cheated on me 3 times. I split up with him and he tried to hurt himself. I am so confused on what to do? He only cheats on me when he is drinking. But, he is an alcoholic and drinks quite offen. He keeps telling me he is stopping, but he goes behind my back and drinks anyway/

I know I sound like an idiot for even considering staying with him. I want to leave him because it is probably the best thing. But, I am the type of person who hasn't had sex with alot of men, when we have sexual relations I feel so close to him and I have never had such good sex before. I know sex isn't everything, but it is amazing. I know I sound shallow, but I also feel like I have to save him from himself. He doesn't have anyone else, besides other drunks who don't care about anything besides themselves. He wants me to give him 1 more chance and promises to never drink again.

Answer 1

most definitely move on...most people are on their "Best Behavior" when initially dating...if this is his best behavior you are in trouble!

Answer 2

I went through the exact same thing as you are going through. I was with my ex-boyfriend for three years. The last year we moved in together and he would get drunk every night and become verbally and physically abusive. Then the next when he woke up and got off the living room or bathroom floor and saw my black eye he'd cry and hug me and promised me he'd quit drinking. He also cheated on me more than once and one time gave me crabs. He always used the excuse "i don't remember, i was really drunk". Eventually he got put in jail and my brother came and got me and my stuff. The last I heard he got sent to prison for raping someone. Sure, the sex may be great but is it really worth all the other crap? I've had a wonderful husband now for the last three years. He treats me great and I'm very happy. Take it from me, you don't need a person like this in your life no matter how much you think you love him. Believe me things will only get worse and he won't change.

Answer 3

Do you love yourself? I will tell you being the child of an alcoholic and seeing what I saw, the fights over money the stealing the bouncing checks for booze, and the talks I had with my mother about what she went through for nearly 30 years....leave, and allow himself to get help. Don't you see he is already trying to hurt himself by drinking? The sad part is he is hurting you and while none of us know the situation with your relationship I can tell you it took my father 30+ years and the death of his grandchild to stop. But now he is paying the price with his health.

Look in ten months he cheated three times, if he continues to go down this path, and you marry how many more times would he do so? Only you can answer that. The thing about it is, he cheats period and if he does it when he is drunk, then chances are he is not thinking about protection and bringing that home to you.

Start to love yourself and respect who you are first. My father told my mother he would stop for 30 years and finally did but it took something tragic, his grandsons death, to finally stop. Don’t wait until something like that.

Past behavior is a predictor of future. If he wants to stop then he will but you have to realize that he has to do it for himself and he isn’t ready to take that step.

If you do stay just realize what my mom said, she saw the way he was and thought she could change him, and if she had to do it again, she would rather have not had us then to have to see us be abused and live in poverty because of alcohol.

Good Luck,

A daughter of an alcoholic

Answer 4

You are in love with your boyfriend, but is he in love with you-when he stole from you-you should have moved on-remember he is over 30 yrs and not a child-but if you love baby-sitting a grown up drunk-God bless you-because you need all of the help that you can get-if he cheated on you 3 times already what make you think that he stopped just because you found out-if he did it to you before he will do it to you again-a leopard never changes his spots-why would you stay with a man that cheats on you-if he loved you as much as you love him he would not hurt you that way-don't put it on the drinking either-that is a cop-out

Answer 5

To answer your question, yes, move on.

This would be what has been referred to as a "toxic relationship" - toxic to you, but probably beneficial to him.

What is really interesting, however, is that because you are still in this relationship, you probably have some part of your personality or character that finds his behavior attractive. You probably think you are his salvation or something. The fact that he tried to hurt himself when you broke up and that you went back to him speaks volumes about you.

There's a great book about very intelligent, caring, loving women that find losers attractive - I can't remember the name. I think it's something like "Smart Women, Dumb Choices". If you can find it, read it.

In the meantime, disengage from this disaster before it becomes a real nightmare. The sooner that you do, the faster you can get on with your life. But, if you find that your next relationship starts looking a lot like this one, it's a danger sign and you need to find out why your are attracted to this kind of person.

Answer 6

If all you say is true then I don't see what's in this relationship for you.

Get to an Al-Anon meeting, tell them you've never been and that you want phone numbers. Get a list of phone numbers and start calling people and talking to them.

You sound very young and if you are, you've got your whole life ahead of you. Get the hell out of this -- you're wasting your time. But get help. There is a good reason you're in this mess and it most likely has to do with the way you were brought up and what you saw as a child.

Good luck to you.

Answer 7

your boyfriend is not in love with you..........you need to tell this loser goodbye...................he doesn't think much of you at all, especially if he steals from you and cheats on you too. do yourself a favor and let one else have him.if he is an alcoholic he will never stop drinking without getting any kind of help and God knows if that will do him any good as he sounds too far gone. if he has done that in only 10 months then you need to think about the future real good......imagine what he will be doing later on, if you stick with him. he wont hurt himself, he knows he has someone he thinks will forgive him all the time and who will give into him.........he is not worth it. kick him to the curb........even down the sewer as fast as you can. Get out there and find you a real man who will love you and you not have to worry from one minute to another on what he is going to do next. he is pulling this crap on you because you are too nice a person. Good Luck

Answer 8

HELLO!

Just read your question a few times, and I believe your answer is there in black and white.

Yes!
.........you should tell him to kick rocks, like yesturday. Unless thats the kind of guy your looking for. Honey, those men are a dime a dozen. You can always forgive thats a little easier than forgetting. Forgetting is the hard part. What ever you decide best of luck to you!

Answer 9

Why would you want to marry someone that steals from you, no way get rid of him, next he will still something that means more to you, then anything. thats unacceptable. He needs to go to AA meeting or something. I wouldnt trust him ever again. Yes please do ,move on put a restraining order against you so he wont come near you.

Answer 10

The problems that you are experiencing now will probably continue in the relationship. I think that you should cut your losses and move on. You will be happier and have less issues to worry about.

Answer 11

Do not walk. RUN! Get out of it before its too late. If he hurts himself so be it, its not your concern. Yikes...get out of there before the emotional abuse turns physical. Hope you do the right thing sweety.