I am so jeolous and mistrusting. It hurts me so much. Why does he do this? We have been married for 27 years and have not had sex in 8 years. He claims he can't get an erection anymore but will not take viagra and anything like it. What do you think?
2006-12-09 13:15:53 · 28 answers · asked by Nancy S 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I can't explain the long period without sex as I haven't experienced it, but men as a generalisation seem to get bored when in long term relationships like this - I experience it myself occasionally, even though I still love my partner.
When someone's been in a relationship that long, it's easy to take it for granted and there is a certain thrill in being accepted by other women that is very powerful and leads some into being unfaithful, but that doesn't mean he's cheating on you, he might just feel the need to be found attractive or acceptable again.
Unfortunately, people forget too easily how things like this can hurt other people and how they can escalate into other things. I don't judge him because I don't know him, but he needs to be pointed in the right direction in order to save his marriage before it's too late.
2006-12-09 13:24:41 · answer #1 · answered by Swordy 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
You been married 27 years and eight years without sex… believe it or not I've known some other couples in the same situation. You're not necessarily alone. Are those other guys cheating ….No they have a serious loss of libido.
One guy did smoke pot… a lot…. that's known to take the wood right out of your woody, with heavy continuous use. Others did not do anything that should stop them. But sex is a very visual thing and men are extremely visual…. that would be why the porn industry is so huge. The fact that he's e-mailing old girlfriends may just be his attempt to get back what he lost. He may think that this loose association with them might bring back the much higher libido he had…. not likely that's going to work. While he'd like this circus to go on he’s just not going to be able to get the tent pole up
The first spark in a guy is visual…. so the fact that he is flirting with other girls shows he still has interest and has not switched to the other side. I think some of the people that jumped to the conclusion, up here, say he's cheating …..has missed some huge facts. You been married 27 years, he's older than that obviously, at his age is libido's going to decline anyway.
Men at this age have been wrestling with ways to try to keep up… literally….. with their partners. Viagra and other medications in the same chemical arena like Levitra and Cialis have worked for millions of men … certainly some without their partners knowing they take it. But all require one thing ….desire. You can take any one of these pills and not get an erection at all. Essentially it provides the chemical necessary to “maintain” an erection. So if you take the medication and have a lot of desire…. you can hammer a nail into a 2 x 4.
Viagra was actually discovered completely by accident…. they were trying to make a heart medication but found out the test individuals were complaining of a unique side effect.
It sounds like the problem with your husband is what affects many …..the lack of desire. Unfortunately he sounds a bit too macho and a bit too proud to go to Viagra and try it. It would probably help.
There are like 30 new drugs being developed for ED. one interesting you might want to keep your eye on is Code name TP 141…. the pharmacy name will be Bremelanotide. This drug still has years of testing before being available… the researcher on this one was trying to find a medication that would give you a tan….. unfortunately he got a hard on instead. But get this…. it seems to actually create desire !! It's being tested for men and women and having a lot of success. It's being tested with Viagra at the same time…. and it's not a pill but a nasal spray….. Wow….
So desire drugs are coming… and for both sexes.
Summary ..I don't think he's cheating I think he's out of juice. Give him a little pressure that you really what him to try some of these ED medications… see a doctor… don't be ashamed. If that doesn't work…. you might want to check out the guy you got mowing the lawn, sweaty, hot, in his 20s…… I'm sure he would deftly rise to the occasion
Mark
Book Author - GirlsTellAll
2006-12-09 14:57:02 · answer #2 · answered by GirlsTellAll.com 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Why do people automatically assume the worst? One, the man may be finding out why he still loves you. I mean flirting with people is not really all that bad when you think about it, my bf does it all the time, and so do I, but neither of us would ever cheat on the other, it is just fun to imagine, and then we try think about what it would be like without the other and it just cannot even be imagined. I mean 8 years, c'mon, you have been married 27 years, which I would guess to mean you both are around 50. At this time men are in serious dangerous water, erectile dysfunction is a serious problem and should be monitored by a doctor, there is nothing to be ashamed about it happens to a lot of people. Maybe he feels since he is not the same man you married then he is not a man anymore, just remind him that he is and there is nothing in this world that could ever change that. Him flirting around may be his way of trying to find a cure, and like most men, taking something to make them feel manly again just will NOT cut it. Get some information about it and show him that it is not all that uncommon and many men are faced with the same as him. I applaud you for sticking by him in this tough time. Just before you jump to conclusions, try to see his side of the situation. I mean that really is ALOT for any man to deal with.
2006-12-09 15:05:23 · answer #3 · answered by lisads1973 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Nancy, I just don't know what to say..you floored me with your question. Your husband's flirting is proably trying to convince he's still a "man", but I can understand why this hurts you so terribly. Can you talk to him?
He needs to realize that you need that time and attention that he's giving these women. Doing without sex is one thing, but having to watch him flirt outragously with others is another. Does he show you any affection? Kissing, cuddling, holding your hand-or is it nothing. I would be jealous too, and so hurt.
Will he go to the doctor? Or his problem not a talkable subject. Counseling is needed, if he doesn't see how he's hurting you. I am so very sorry, after 27 years. I wish I could give you a hug. Please try to talk to him, and make him realize what he is doing to you and your marriage. Ask him "how would you feel if I did the things you were doing". I bet he wouldn't like it.
Nancy, please take care, and God only knows I wish I had the right answer for you. A magic cure....Praying for sure..
2006-12-09 13:27:00 · answer #4 · answered by totallylost 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I suppose he is making use of low libido as an excuse and does not desire to let you know the truly cause. Maybe he needs whatever exceptional in mattress however does not know the way to let you know...probably he demands extra pleasure or creativity in that division. How lengthy have you ever been married? Is he below extra pressure? And as harsh and unpleasant as this may occasionally sound, have you ever won weight or converted in approaches that he won't discover wonderful anymore?
2016-09-03 09:19:49 · answer #5 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like he's may just be trying to keep up the appearance of being a normal sexually active male, when he isn't. He's talking the talk, but not walking the walk. If I were you, I would get him some Viagra, and mix it up in something so he doesn't know he's taken it. Then he'll be real "happy" when he finds he's gotten some excitement back.
2006-12-09 13:29:43 · answer #6 · answered by quietwater 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would talk with him about it in a nice manner. Maybe there is something that has changed which you could ask him about which could be changed to again stimulate him so he doesnt feel the need to go outside of the marriage for stimuli. Maybe a fresh hair style, makeover etc could work, not to say he does not need to do his part but eight years, thats pretty bad and I don't believe the libido thing at all.
2006-12-09 13:43:36 · answer #7 · answered by steptoejosh 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Personally...I think he's sleeping around! give me a break why does he take Viagra? if you haven't had sex in 8 years???
Sorry I'm so not buying that. And I don't understand why you let him flirt and wink? that's so disrespectful to you? You need to have a serious talk with him and get to the bottom of his behavior issues.
2006-12-09 13:48:58 · answer #8 · answered by SecretFriend 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
He is either cheating on you and that's why he doesn't need sex with you.... or he's impotent and trying to prove his manliness with women by flirting.
In either case, it's not healthy for you and you need some counseling. He needs to seek medical help to deal with it if he is impotent.
My ex was a 2 second wonder and for 6 years he got off and I didn't. I was so frustrated and he wouldn't seek help because it bothered him more to tell a doctor in confidence what his problem was than it bothered him that he was worthless in bed with his wife!
I wish I'd divorced him a lot earlier and I was way too forgiving.
Best wishes,
Sue
2006-12-09 13:40:47 · answer #9 · answered by newbiegranny 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
This is a bad situation. I am sorry to tell you, but it sounds as though this man is cheating. Men have a fairly constant desire which I'm sure would still be presten even with E.D. 8 years without is just not possible without something major being wrong.
2006-12-09 13:21:16 · answer #10 · answered by JDOGG 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋