Ever since my "wife" got pregnant with our child(4 + years ago) she has been distant. I have slept on the couch for over 2 almost 3 years (our daughter will be 4 soon). She keeps our child in bed with her. She says she loves me but refuses to make our daughter sleep in her own bed(which she will do). When her father came for a week visit he slept on the couch, the night he left she looked at me and said my blankets were downstairs. I feel I am being used as a paycheck to pay bills, I ALWAYS help her with her financial problems and pay way more than my share of the bills. I also pay for most of her sons expenses(I look at him as if he is my own). I don't know what I should do. Any suggestions.
2006-12-09 13:12:39 · 39 answers · asked by allstarpossefla 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
That is completely unacceptable. Remember your vows? Nothing and No one should ever come between a man and his wife. Including a child. (Unless one party was harming). Your daughter is way to old to be sleeping in the parental bed. Your wife needs to get her priorities straight. She is handicapping your child by making her too needy. Next year she will be going to school and will have separation anxiety the likes of which no child should have to endure. She should be learning how to become autonomous. A child who is secure in her enviroment will not need to be sleeping with mommy. The bills belong to both of you since you are married. Once you start dividing things up into "yours" and "mine" categories you put a wedge between you and your wife. You are a grown man. You don't need permission to sleep in your own bed. It's time your wife got shaken out of her bubble and back into reality. Let her go sleep on the couch. You can start the process of putting your daughter to sleep in her own bed. It takes about 1 week. You will be worn out but it will be the best thing for everyone all the way around. Remind your wife that she is a woman and a wife as well as a mother. She needs to find balance. If she doesn't do it soon your marriage will be over very soon. The marriage must always come first. By having a good marriage; you will also be good partners in everything including parenting. So, GET OFF the couch and stop waiting for permission. She's NOT YOUR MOM.
2006-12-09 13:33:44 · answer #1 · answered by GrnApl 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well i dont know the whole story but i have a question for you do you still have sex or is she cheating my only advice to you is talk to her about this and if it dont change i think you should move on but hey thats my opinon but i would never do that to my husband and i have been with him for 9 yrs and have 5 children one of which we have adopted.If she loves you she will change and you should not have too sleep on the couch it sounds to me like you are a very speical man for dealing with this problem for such a long time and children should not sleep with there parents i mean whats she gonna do when the child is 10 yrs old you tech them to sleep by them selves as a new born i have 5 and there ages are 2,3,5,7,9 yrs they sleep in there own bed.
2006-12-09 13:42:29 · answer #2 · answered by jay316-83 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ja, it happens a lot of times. The woman often doesn't want someone by her in the room, and so she just kicks him out. Some guys had never been with their spouses in the same bedroom for 8+ years, and they expect the man to be happy with that, and not look at other women to satisfy their needs.
Everybody says, talk it over. Perhaps you have, and I'm not sure how much the counseling will do. She sounds like the type who just won't even go to the counseling meeting, thinking that there's aboslutely nothing wrong with her. Good luck to ya.
2006-12-09 13:15:43 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
No, of course not. You need to sit down and talk to her and find out why she makes you sleep on the couch. I Be patient, get her to open up to you and talk. It maybe a past that happened in her life or what happened to her in her first relationship with her son's father. Talk to her and tell your "wife" how sleeping on the couch makes you feel without sounding angry. Talk to her, not at her. Maybe later, suggest that you both can get counseling to resolve this matter.Do you have a church you both attend? If so, talk with the Pastor. Always let her know you love her and show her with a hug, or just holding and touching her hand and not saying anything. Don't focus on paying most of the financial means that is not important I hope, It sounds as though you really love this person .You are getting frustrated and now want to look at her for what you do for her and a son that's not yours.That is not the point here. When I can see that you are a man ,you should take the financial responsibility ,and not to mention for a child who is not yours, (which you asked for and accepted) has nothing to do with why she makes you sleep on the couch. The point is, is that you need to get back into your bed and be patient and willing to work on it. And be man enough to except the truth no matter how much it may hurt or make you mad. And when and If she reveals the problem to you ,you need to work on that and make your marriage work. It is going to take time. Be patient. It took two years to get here, it takes that much or even more to get it right again, it will not happen overnight. Pray for yourself that GOD will open your eyes about yourself and Pray for your family that he will make you the man you need to be in your house and be the PRIEST and head of your household to make wise decisions for you and your family, then tell GOD you are GODLY sorry and forgive all the wrong thoughts that you said or done knowingly and unknowingly. I pray that you believe in GOD. If you are not in church I pray GOD will put it on your heart to go. All you have to do is confess with your mouth and believe in your heart that JESUS CHRIST IS LORD and you will be saved.(From yourself).Then after you have prayed, Thank GOD for HIS grace and mercy and for what HE is going to do . I promise things will get better for you when you trust GOD to fix your situation. When GOD fixes you he'll fix your family. I pray things get better for you.
2006-12-09 13:39:59 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like it is ultimatum time. These kind of things need to be worked out rather than ignored IMHO. I would tell her that the marriage is "broken" and needs to be fixed or else it's time to go your separate ways. You may need discussions or counseling. Be ready to work on your end but don't put up with sleeping on the couch for 3 years!
This sounds very much like you are being used for a bill payer. Don't let yourself be played for a fool. I don't tell you that to hurt your feelings, just to let you know that she is doing just that. Playing you. If it has been three years, she has shown that she is not willing to make the extra effort to work things out. Now the ball is in your court. You can put up with it (and probably end up cheating) or force her hand.
Good luck and I wish you happiness
2006-12-09 13:20:50 · answer #5 · answered by Jeal 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
O.K., I went through the same thing after our daughter was born. I just lost the desire to be intimate. I just didn't want to get close to my husband again. Eventually, our marraige ended, not totally because of this, he eventually got abusive. I did go see a doctor and found out that my thyroid, among other things was not working properly. Today I am in a healthy relationship, but I do take hormone and I did see an Acupucturist to help my body start functioning properly, it helped like you don't believe. Please, talk to your wife and get her to go to counseling with you, involve her parents if you need to. I'm sure they would be helpful in getting her to a doctor and to counseling. Divorce is so drastic! I tried to get my x to counseling a number of times. He refused to go. I was left with no other choice in the end.
2006-12-09 14:16:46 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
she has some real bad issues. man The only reason some wife would do that with a husband is if she has some one else or she is just fridged. she needs to go to some serious counceling. why are you still there guy, You could at least find a place to live and let her have the house, because of the kids but Get a counceler or get a life.
2006-12-09 13:22:59 · answer #7 · answered by Life lover 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like you need to take your bed back, m'man. Those kids don't need to be sleeping with their mother, it's only going to be harmful to them in the long run.
The two of you should be sleeping in the bed together.
If there's some other issue going on, the two of you should discuss it. If you can't discuss it, find a marriage counsellor to talk to about your problems.
Good Luck to you...you shouldn't be sleeping on the couch, dude! Enough is Enough!!
2006-12-09 13:16:18 · answer #8 · answered by somewherein72 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I would say your marriage is in crisis. There are issues she isn't dealing with. Rather than resolve those issues, she uses her daughter as an excuse to keep you out of her bed. My guess is that you sex life hasn't been that great either. I suggest that both of you schedule time with a professional marriage counselor. It appears that she as unresolved issues. Wither it began during her last pregnancy or wither it has been there all along and has just gotten worse, who knows. Your stay out of the bedroom is only enabling her not to deal with it.
2006-12-09 13:19:57 · answer #9 · answered by Mr Cellophane 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Whether she is right or wrong, there is definitely a lack of respect for you here. Not that you deserve better or worse. But you are not being treated with the proper respect that a person in your situation should be treated with. I would say something. Maybe it is a sign that you should look into other avenues.
2006-12-09 13:15:22 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋