End of the line? Help!?

Question

My fiancée (28) and I (30) had a talk this week and she said she’s not in love with me any more. She loves me as a friend but the sparks gone. We were due to get married in 6 months! I can’t see the wood from the trees at the moment and don’t know what I can do. The venue is booked and the rings have arrived.


I’ve asked if there’s someone else, and she said no.
Do women go through funny stages in their lives like this???
She doesn’t seem to have any enthusiasm to work at the relationship.
We are a very laid back couple and maybe that doesn’t help matters.

I’ve contemplated moving out for a while to see if being alone changes anything, but think she should leave to remove herself from her comfort zone.

We’ve been together for 8 years and lived together for 5 of those. It would be a shame to let everything go.

Is this the end of the line?

delux_version: I think the order in which we've conducted our relationship has nothing to do with this. In fact, I believe I've done things the correct way.

We bought our home just before the market boomed. We wouldn’t be able to buy our own home if we had not predicted it would happen. 1000’s of couples have missed the boat and can’t afford their own place now.

Other than that, we dated for 2 years, moved in together, engaged 2 yrs later and were to be married 2 years from then.

At least I didn’t: Date, Pregnant, Engage & Marry (in a hurry)
delux_version: I think the order in which we've conducted our relationship has nothing to do with this. In fact, I believe I've done things the correct way.

We bought our home just before the market boomed. We wouldn’t be able to buy our own home if we had not predicted it would happen. 1000’s of couples have missed the boat and can’t afford their own place now.

Other than that, we dated for 2 years, moved in together, engaged 2 yrs

Answer 1

It must be terribly difficult for you, especially if you didn't feel there was a gap growing between you two. You say you have been together for 8 years and that she's 28. She's young, she's been with you from a young age and for a long time, maybe she feels the needs to explore, stretch her wings. As hard as it may be for you, it is not the end of the line, it could be the beginning of something great. Maybe YOU should go out there and explore, have fun and give each other enough space to find out what you really want!

Answer 2

I know a friend who did the same thing. She said there was no hidden agenda - she had just gotten bored with the relationship. She decided to end it before the wedding because she had a long look at the relationship and have over time been thinking of ending it. She decided it would be a lot less messier to do it then rather than get married, realise it was a mistake and have to go through a messy divorice. Some people grow apart over time, not closer. Of course it hurts now, but at least you won't be marrying someone who won't give you the love you deserve. Take it as a blessing in disguise and move on. You will be happier in the long run.

Answer 3

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Answer 4

Are there any questions on this site that don't include the lines... We lived together.... When will people learn that this shows a lack of respect for the women, then the guys wonder why she runs off. You weren't married! How many guys do you think she's been with? Do you really think that you were exclusive? Where's the engagement ring? Not on her finger! Listen, learn from your mistakes! Stop this childish behavior. Date, engage, then marry, THEN move in together! Window shopping is not the same thing as buying the product! Bail from this relationship, then start with a clean slate. Do it right this time!!!!!!!!

Answer 5

This is so serious, only a serious answer is appropriate. The one thing I am always watching for is how you are treating yourself. Self-care usually goes out the window when there is an upset like this, so I am totally focused on you right now and how you are treating yourself. It would be so easy to forget obvious stuff, like eating right, and sleeping at sensible hours, and all. So, please, above all else, begin the solution to all of this by taking excellent care of YOU. Then when you begin to get your bearings, and get your feelings under control, you can look at the other elements in this puzzle. Thank God she let you know all this right now. Your love will be upset but not damaged as it would have been if she had allowed it to go through and then you found out her feeling this way. Oh, my God, what a let-down that would have been! So try to be thankful she told you all this before the marriage. Your life will go on, and there will be more to your life than this. It is not the end at all. But please give her 100% for honesty with you when the two of you are communicating again. Second to self-care I place communication. When you have gotten your bearings, attempt to communicate with her to get the details and to help understand the nature of the whole thing better so it will eventually make better sense to you, as right now you have been ambushed rather badly and your heart is upside-down and you are probably a nervous wreck as well. Not the best frame of mind to speak with anyone. On Yahoo! Answers, there is only so much language can convey about how sad all of this truly is, but if you read how sincere some of the other replies to your situation are, perhaps you will be able to draw a little bit of strength from it. You may write to me anytime and I will do my best to level it out with you somehow. It is a matter of getting through this interval until it all begins to quiet down again and you begin to work with the pieces and starting making sense of it all again in the new format that will emerge. Sent to you with good emergies from Chris, In South Portland, Maine, U.S.A. (I am 63 years old and I can well imagine what you are going through emotionally right now... besides being numb, the deeper turmoil and upset that must be going on within you. Hold fast, and work for steadiness so you can get your bearings with yourself first. Then you can look at all this other stuff and at her once again.)

Answer 6

Sorry to hear your news.

It could be nerves coming towards the wedding.

Has there been a sudden change of behaviour if not then unfortunately it probably is the end of the road as the closer the wedding date come the more likely things will get worse.

It's time to start thinking ahead, do you want to live the rest of your life with someone who's no longer in love with you ? Or someone who just settled with you for convenience ?

If you get married now you will forever be looking over your shoulder expecting the bubble to burst.

Answer 7

i think you hit the nail on the head re; We are a very laid back couple and maybe that doesn’t help matters
apart from the wedding plans do you actually do anything together
if you sit at home looking at 4 walls it ll push you apart or even go out with friends separately
the relationship has gone stale and you need to liven up the relationship
make her sit up and think i dont want to lose him
be adventurous

Answer 8

As long as there is no one else, you have a chance to get the spark back. I think she still loves you, but needs to be romanced. So get off your butt and romance the hell out of her. By romance, I don't mean just sex. I mean, do everything you can to make her feel special. During sex, make her feel real special. And afterwards, just make her feel special. And always communicate your love to her. You romance the hell out of her and I guarantee that spark will come back.

Answer 9

may be some problems in the relationship, that she isn't talking about, but chances are she has thoughts, or is seeing someone else. usually women and men don't act this way unless there is someone else in the relationship. usually it is because they have met someone else and in that case we just have to let them go, and make up their own mind. can't hold on to someone who doesn't feel the same about u as u do her. she doesn't want to admit that there is someone else, as it would make her really look bad, and she may feel it is never good to burn her bridges.there is only one reason why she doesn't want to go through with the marriage, it means there is someone else she is seeing or wants to see.

Answer 10

i would move out give her some space and dont call her just leave her alone and go on with your life and if she want you let her call you i know this is going to be very hard on you but i think this is the best thing you can do for her right know.i think she need time to think things over in her life and i think she need to know what going on in her life and were she wants to go with her life this is why so important for you to move out and just leave her a lone remember this ( if you love some thing let it go and if it come back then you know it was meant to be.)good luck