month later she changes her mind and dumps him.(breaks his heart) He is a really neat Guy During the time he found out she was pregnant and asked her to marry him. He starting working 3 jobs to make a better life for them(while attending school) She was spoiled didnt have enough time together and such. Now she won't talk to him and if there is any communication she emails and tell him what he has to buy for the baby or that he is crap because he hasnt bought his share. He asked his Aunts advice I told him that because she had chose the road she had that his responsiblility was to be there for the baby and to pay child support, supplying her with items for her home was and should be at her cost.He needed to get his home Dad ready too. Was I wrong to give this advice. We are thinking about having a baby shower for him. His biggest fear, she wont let him see the baby.
Note....she is under 18 and he is just barely over 18.
Advice would be highly appreciated and what would you do?
2006-12-09 10:26:28 · 18 answers · asked by travelingirl005 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
well
they both had the sex
so outside of US law, it is both of their responsibility, financially and everything else-ly.
He is working 3 jobs. She needs to get off of her *** and get some jobs, too. Nobody knew that they would have the child, but the facts of life is when you have sex, you get babies. Reproduction. So she needs to stand up and face her responsibilities of being a new mother, like he is doing as being a new father, getting the 3 jobs.
And she needs to stop trying to use people, to get money for the baby
and play with people's feelings, to manipulate them, so she can control them, to get money for the baby
Whether she's scared of the new responsibility, or not, it's her responsibility as well, And he was not "wrong", or has "sinned", to have helped to conceive this baby. he is a human being, as she is too, he should be treated no less than a human being.
He definitely doesn't need to be in a relationship with her now, with her treating him this way after she conceived. Now the cards are on the table. How do you know what cards he was playing with, when he was *in* the relationship? You don't. But it's too late for that now. You need to focus on the present. She's treating him like sh**.
If there is a chance she may try to prevent him from seeing the baby, you need to get you a lawyer and find out your legal rights as the dad (the boy does). It might be a good idea to read up on that anyway, and child support issues.
and you know what, yeah he's 18 and she's under, so what. The deed is done. Outside of court and whatever else that may happen, stay prayerful and try to think with a mature and responsible mind, because despite these facts, these two have still got a baby between them to take care of.
Child Support will probably prevent him from being able to get his own apartment or anything else.
Getting stuff for the baby will make her pockets empty and maybe her parents' too, but maybe she can get government assistance, and most moms do get WIC.
I'd tell him to not let her take advantage of him, and keep a log (yes, a LOG) with information on what he bought, and what date, and how much it costed. So that she can't ever say what he didn't do, didn't get, etc.
and stay friends with the government I repeat, despite he was over 18 and she was under. Because if she tries something funny, like moving away or something, or even if she doesn't but stays, you may have to fight for visitation.
2006-12-09 10:46:11 · answer #1 · answered by bun223 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The advise you gave is him is great. He needs to be there for his baby and that is all. He doesn't need to be there for her or her needs just the baby and the baby's needs.
However, he needs to be very careful with the age situation he is in. I don't know where you or the father lives but most states, maybe all I don't know, charges can be filed against him now and also they have a certain amount of time after to press charges. I don't know the family involved and if it is even something they may do but...Since she is under 18 and he is over, he has to consider anybody can file statatory rape charges, the doctor at the hospital, the nurse, her parents, just about anybody. This is still the case after she turns 18. You should check your states laws on the age issue and see how long you have to file these charges. I know when I had my son 9 years ago, myself or somebody else had 4 years to file a case against him. If these charges get filed and he is found guilty things aren't going to look so good for him later down the road as she can get restraining orders and things more easily with this on his background. That is in my state though, so be sure and check with your own. This may not be the law in your state and also may not be something her family would do, or something doctors, nurses, etc. normally do in your area. Just something to consider! I would definitely consider talking with an attorney though just to be safe and to start preparing for custody situations. This way he is prepared and not going to be too caught off guard by anything.
But by all means I am not saying just forget about his child and I think it is wonderful that he did the right thing for this girl. My situation however was totally opposite. It is too bad that guys like yours who try so hard to do the right thing end up getting the ugly end of the deal. He is a wonderful man for doing what he did and still trying to be there for his child.
Oh and I also think a babyshower for him is a wonderful idea. He is going to need the same as she would to take care of the baby also.
Good Luck and I wish you all the best!
2006-12-09 10:56:59 · answer #2 · answered by michelle 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Regardless of his age, he still has parental rights. First thing Monday morning I would go down to the local county courthouse and file for shared custody and visitation. The court will make the decision and she will have to follow the order, or be in contempt of court.
Secondly, he has a responsiblity to help support the child, however, if he has his own place and has legitimate bills, the cost of support will be according to his income and they will take into consideration the cost of living he needs to maintain a home.
I would tell your nephew that he has parental rights, since he can prove he can support the child, he should file for at least 50% custody. Chances are the judge will be glad to see a young man step up to the plate.
Have the baby shower, he needs things at his house for the child. These things should not go to the mothers house, she might get angry that he has something she does not, but it was her decision to leave. Get him all the basics, he'll be able to use them and it will show the courts that he has prepared and planned and stepped up to the responsibility.
Good Luck and Congratulations on the new family member.
2006-12-09 10:35:31 · answer #3 · answered by Mrs. Wizard 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Make sure the boy is the father before he shells out any money.
In most states if he starts paying support and later is not the dad. To bad he has taken responsibility and can be held to it. No I do not understand this line of thought.
He should support the baby not the mother. have him tell her to get on with her life. She selected to be without him so that means without his $$ also.
Go to court to set up the child support. They will also sit the visatation if she does not allow it he will have legal recourse. He will have to show he has time for the kid since he is working so much. also with him in School he may get some help.
2006-12-09 10:32:20 · answer #4 · answered by G L 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He did him a favor. They are both kids and would have ended in divorce in about 1 to 2 years. He would then have to pay child support and possible alimony and give half of anything he owned. Now is limited to child support and he has an absolute right to see the child. He is going to have to pay child support. He needs to pay child support with personal checks and identify in the memo line or somewhere on the check that it is child support. Down the road she may try to get a court order for child support and if he has no proof of past payments he will be screwed and ordered to pay back child support. He has no obligation to pay for anything else and should not. The child support is going to be one hell of a burden. If they attempt to preclude him from seeing the child he can go to court and get a court order to see the child.
2006-12-09 10:32:43 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Seek advise through the legal system. If he is not abusive or on drugs he is entitled to see his child. He will however have to pay support of some kind, and he should be attempting to do so as it will make the courts more favorable to him.
2006-12-09 10:30:14 · answer #6 · answered by bheithcao 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I might be better for him to get a court ordered child support. He pays a fixed amount every month and he gets a fixed time to see the baby.
2006-12-09 14:33:52 · answer #7 · answered by nursesr4evr 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Maybe she oculd give the baby up for adoption to a two parent family who is aching to be family for a darling baby. Then they wuold not be married, the girl can continue her education and the boy can start to prove he is a good man and she'll may be later on his wife.
Oddly enough there are options for such things. Please consider this one.
Too many out-of-wedlock babies.
2006-12-09 10:33:21 · answer #8 · answered by thisbrit 7 · 0⤊ 2⤋
she cant stop you from seeing your kid, my advice is ask for a dna test and set up support through the court.,sounds like she bounced and might be confused, about paternity,,, dont buy her anything until you get a test,,,, also set up your visits court ordered, she wont have a choice
2006-12-09 10:38:27 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
As soon as she gets 18 file it in court. I wouldn't pay anything more than child support and if he is paying child support he will get vistitation.
2006-12-09 10:29:55 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋