So I'm married...didn't get the wedding I wanted because HIS mom is like a whiney little 5 yr old and has to have EVERYTHING her way...shes waaaaaaaay to involved in our son's life, and tries to keep him at her house ALL the time. I can't take her trying to control my life, my husband's life, and my son's life. My husband won't say ANYTHING to her and when I say something to him about it, he takes up for her....please help me, i'm afraid it's going to come down to separation before he changes and I don't want it to...
2006-12-09 07:50:09 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
My Ex-wife, and my Mom. I was in the middle....not a good place to be, believe me. I finally told them that I would NEVER be in the middle again, and I was not. My Mom died hating her, and she hates my Mom still......and Mom has been dead for 14 years. All I can tell you is this....it's NOT going to change. He's a Mama's boy, and will always be. Either accept it, or get divorced. Good Luck!!
2006-12-09 07:57:52 · answer #1 · answered by olderbutwiser 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sometimes people won't change. BUT if he has any sense, he will eventually see reason. A few ways to help this happen:
DON'T make it an emotional thing. Try to be completely rational when you discuss it with him.
Use specific examples. Talk about it when it happens and not just after you've had it 'up to here'.
Explain it, or better yet arrange for something to happen, in a way that puts him in your shoes. Then ask him how it feels to him.
Make sure he knows just how much it bothers you. Does he know that if he doesn't change you will consider separation? If not, tell him that. If he already knows, and still won't change his ways, then I'm afraid he'll never change. Whether you can make peace with that and stay married to him and his mom or not, that is up to you.
2006-12-09 15:59:10 · answer #2 · answered by Ali D 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Okay I keep reading tell him this and he should do that, but have you tried telling the "mom" how YOU feel. Let your husband know how you feel and that you are going to have a talk with her. Write her if you think you will not be able to get a word in,(Worked for me...lol) Do talk with him and tell him that she makes you feel this way. Is there a chance she doesn't realize she is causing such a problem? Enlighten her!! I look at it this way. If you feel that she can truely cause you to become seperated, then how bad can setting her straight, so to speak, be. Since you seem to not want to upset your husband write the letter and then talk to him tell him you are afraid of a seperation, how you feel and let him read the letter BEFORE you give it to her. I ma sure there is a polite way to let her know to but out some!
2006-12-09 16:11:17 · answer #3 · answered by Hap s 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
so your hubbys a mommys boy? ouch thats gonna be hard to break but i went thru the SAME thing!!!! i know exactley how u feel!! we argued all the time about it. i finally told him to either be her son or my husband. i gave him an hour to think about it and when i came back i heard him telling his mom that me and our unborn are his family now. it worked for about .......um......a week then she tried again and i realized what i did wrong. NEVER send a man to do a womans job. you gotta tell her like it is. let her know that her son is your husband. and your son is your son. she can be the granmother but she needs to be just the grandmother. get her a book about being a grandmother. good luck.
2006-12-09 16:06:25 · answer #4 · answered by jrs wife! 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My husband defends his mother too when he should be doing the opposite, the only thing i have been able to understand is that she was very very strict and bossy. He never learned how to share his opinion with her and he also has a personality thing that he doesent like conflict so he puts up with it, I started getting in her face and setting things straight i hope that you can find a way too, i feel ya. Good luck
2006-12-09 15:58:06 · answer #5 · answered by milo2angel 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your husband needs to grow a spine. He won't change - his "Mama" probably wouldn't allow it. It's a shame that you set the precident at your wedding - by letting her know that she can get her way. Just dig in your heels, and stand up to her. It's YOUR son - don't put up with it. Sooner or later, she'll realize that she has met her match. Persistance beats resistance!!!
2006-12-09 16:09:34 · answer #6 · answered by Bondgirl 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell your husband it's time for him to decide who he's married to, you or his mom. Then tell him if won't act like your husband he won't be your husband
2006-12-09 15:53:08 · answer #7 · answered by tony pepperoni 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
maybe you should tell him he has a family now and needs to stick up for his family the way his mother is sticking up for hers.
he is a man now and needs to act like one, because what is mommy going to do for talking back send him to his room.
2006-12-09 16:00:16 · answer #8 · answered by pamela 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Get all your ducks in a row, because when you do split up you want custody of the son.
cereal.
2006-12-09 15:52:51 · answer #9 · answered by cruddypantz 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
if he won't do anything about it...you need to tell him he has one more chance to right the wrong here. or you will take matters into your own hands! and tell her a*ss off!
2006-12-09 15:54:36 · answer #10 · answered by ~just_jd~ 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋