Calm as the cool ocean
Your lies spill out
Covering the floor with their mystery
I look at you with complete question
Despair fills the air with its loneliness
We cry together
You with your lies and my wit
We the perfect pair have broken
In different directions we head
goodbye.
its unnamed but yeah. this one is more recent than the other one i wrote. tell me what ya think
again..honest opinion!
2006-12-09 07:33:36 · 4 answers · asked by Anonymous in Education & Reference ➔ Words & Wordplay
i really like it. for some reason i don't like happy sappy poems. ur poem has pain in it. like u wanted to get something out. it's a little cloudy near the end i think u should call it "tears of the lies"
2006-12-09 07:51:35 · answer #1 · answered by polaris grl 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Parting Waves
1.Calm as the ocean floor
2. your lies spilt forth
3. The floor covered in mystery
4. I question your sincerity
5. Despair fills the air as
6. together we cry
7. Your lies and my wit
8. The perfect pair broken
9. in different directions parting
2006-12-09 07:51:52 · answer #2 · answered by honiebyrd 4 · 0⤊ 2⤋
ok, clearing up your grammar actual speedy. it incredibly is lonely and unattended. Sorry! i'm a spelling freak. i think of that it could be a very nicely- written poem in case you made one among those rhythm interior the poem. Say case in point that the 1st line had six syllables, and the subsequent had 5. you would be able to desire to change them back and forth like that to create rhythm. it would desire to pass slightly smoother.
2016-10-05 02:30:27 · answer #3 · answered by vanderbilt 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm not much into poetry, but it was pretty good.
2006-12-09 07:38:40 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋