I thought we were best friends forever
I guess that means never
We shared secrets and laughs
We never got in fights and showed each other our wraths
Sleepovers were the best
But apparently I'm just second best
You gave me the cold shoulder and the evil eye
And the whole time I kept wondering why?
Soon, you kicked me out of the group
Somehow I was just out of the loop
I know how you talked bad about me
Those hurtful words stung like the stinger of a bee
Finally, I realized that you weren’t worth all my tears and time
So, now here you go, I’m over it, and all you got was this rhyme.
its called best friends for never.
do you think it is good or not?
tell me honest opinion!
2006-12-09 07:22:33 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous in Education & Reference ➔ Words & Wordplay
Well it shows a lot of details,but the only thing that I didnt like about the poem is thats its too middle school,learn to express details in not so accurate and more beautiful and breathtaking.
2006-12-09 07:24:37 · answer #1 · answered by MaMu 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
More than anything else... It shows either your age or the fact that you have just begun both reading and writing poetry.
It is very cute, but the rhymes are a bit severe making it sound forced and juvenile.
Keep up the good work though... we all go through this phase!
My suggestion to you is that you read the masters and learn that over rhyming and forcing words into meter... doesn't necessarily a poem make!
To The girl below me...
It's Papever somniferum. It is Latin for Poppy flower.
2006-12-09 15:31:38 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
you have some great word for your poem , it tells it like it is.
if you plan on entering your poetry for a contest, may i make a sugestion?
What ever you do do not put your poetry on poety .com
All they say is that you have a great poem , when you've entered in it, but when it comes time for when you think that you can win, you have to pay out money first.
i should know that is where mine are , but i'll be taking them off of that ssite soon, if you want to take a look u can go there and enter elizabeth walling, when you do , it'll give you some insight.
Keep up the good work!
2006-12-09 15:33:07 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I took the time to read your poem, so thanks for sharing it online.
My personal opinion of poetry is that you should not try to just rhyme without a structured rhythm. You're not conforming to a pattern of syllables, so why rhyme? It seems unnecessary. I would focus more on imagery. The bee sting is heart felt, as is memories of sleepovers. Look for more metaphors and emotions rather than trying to mimic a form. Forms are for perfectionists. You seem more an artistic liberty sort.
I hope it helped you to write this.
2006-12-09 15:30:06 · answer #4 · answered by Link Correon 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I think it is beautiful. i really know that feeling. Things will get better. I started going to a good church and hanging out with true friends. I don't have to worry about that anymore. I am excepted for who I am now. Try it okay. Jesus loves you anyway.!
2006-12-09 15:26:46 · answer #5 · answered by Ash 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I really like your poem. R u going to continue writing you could have a very bright future? Keep up the good work.
2006-12-09 15:33:03 · answer #6 · answered by Lostlove 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That is an awsome poem! That reminds me of what is going on with me and a friend of mine at the moment! It hurts to loose a friend, but that is a really good poem!
2006-12-09 15:27:12 · answer #7 · answered by brandibabe07 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think that the others are trying to tell you to loosen up a little. Let it flow. Personally, I love it. Took me back to my own school days. Some things never change.
2006-12-09 15:35:10 · answer #8 · answered by honiebyrd 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Look in the theasaurus for more vivid wording.
2006-12-09 16:33:12 · answer #9 · answered by I am flowers 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
OMG! that's so good! i like writing poetry, but im not very good at it. u really sounded like u were in pain when wrote this. like u were going through this. were u?
2006-12-09 15:26:54 · answer #10 · answered by polaris grl 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋