My (Ex) boyfriend gave me an engagement ring in Nov. of 2005, I lost it in April 06. I have not been able to locate it. I think it is in my house somewhere. I have looked high and low but to no avail. I am 60 yrs. of age and he is 65. We were totally in love and planning on getting married as soon as we found the right house. However, all has changed, he has treated me very shabily. Says he has a problem with my anger. My anger appears due to the fact that he totally changed how he treated me. I'm sure he has resentments toward me and treats me with indignation. We are not seeing one another at the present. We keep breaking up and after a week or l0 days get back together. I don't think it will happen this time. What, if anything, can I do to get him to forgive me and let go of the resentments? He paid about $3,500.00 for it and made payments on it for a yr., so he had to continue paying on it for 7 months even after I lost it!
2006-12-09 07:16:33 · 23 answers · asked by slippery slope 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
He has to learn to forgive. In the meantime, you could offer to help pay for the ring and buy a new one to show him you still care about him. In the end, if you do end up married, assets will be shared.
2006-12-09 07:20:15 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
This is a toughy. It's hard to convey how you feel without making your boyfriend feel a little enept. First I would like to shar my stoare about "the ring." My husband purchased the ring a full 9 months before he actually asked me to marry him. He got it at GM Pollacks (local jeweler in New England) at their annual 1/2 price ring sale. He got it for a mere $600. My honey didn't have $600 when he walked in the store, so he got a line of credit with the store and made payments of $50 a month for a year. Now that is not too hard too swallow. It isn't a huge rock, but has a total carat weight of 1 carat. Almost antique looking three stones, princess cut with milligree all around. Man does it sparkle! Exactly what I wanted. Anyway...I share this so you know that if he were to shop around, he could get a killer deal. That family diamond would probably cover an engagement ring. Do you know why he hasn't had it appraised? It seems like if I were in his situation, that would be the first thing I would do.... As for the actual wedding, I'm curious if your family is going to be taking care of most of the bill? If boyfriend doesn't want to spend the money on an engagement ring, I don't think the two of you will be able to afford a wedding...just a thought. I would have a sit down talk with him and explain to him what you have explained to us here. This is important to you and that the ring will represent your current and future commitment to each other. Maybe offer to pay for it together? Not traditional, I know, but if it's the only way that you will be able get it, why not give it a shot? Best of luck!
2016-03-29 01:06:29 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
hun, I doubt that the $3500 or the years worth of payments was really the issue. He doesn't care if you lost a pretty piece of metal, rather he is upset that the sentiment behind the gift was unappreciated. As far as making it up to him, I guess you'd have to give back his time and effort that he put into the relationship. I'd hope that by 65 yrs old I won't still be seeking out useless emotional endeavors. Actually I would have hoped that by 60 yrs old women would have given up on the childish games and become more honest. I guess some things never change, eh?
2006-12-09 07:20:03 · answer #3 · answered by Red Winged Bandit 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
gifts should be given without expectations. engagement rings and the llike however are intended to be a symbol of love and commitment. if the symbol means more than the relationship there may be an underlying problem that has not yet been addressed. if the happenstances of misfortune cause unresolvable problems... how strong is the love? people live in relationships and mistreat each other and some live and work together, which are you and which do you want? best of luck to both of you and congatulations if it all works out.
2006-12-09 07:27:17 · answer #4 · answered by ? 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think there is a different dynamic involved with older people. You have a whole lifetime of getting set in your ways and it becomes more difficult to bounce back from conflicts that hurt so much. You are more concrete in knowing what is acceptable to you and what isn't. When you are young, you can say, "Is this really important to me?" and let it roll off of you. When you are older you KNOW this is important and it really matters and you are not going to budge!
He may not be capable of forgiveness in this situation. If you want to pursue this relationship, maybe offer to pay for it? I think he would respect that and it would show him that you take it just as seriously as he does. He may be angry because he feels you don't appreciate how important it was to him. You do, but he needs to know that without a doubt.
2006-12-09 07:34:06 · answer #5 · answered by Truckin' for a Livin' 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If a relationship is on again and off again at any age is not healthly. You two are having issues with one another and really need to sit down and have a heart to heart and talk about your preoblems. If you don't then it might be a good idea to cut your loses and move on.
As for the ring. Yeah.... thats a biggie and will cause alot turmoil and tubulance in your frail relationship.
Best of luck to you.
2006-12-09 07:31:38 · answer #6 · answered by Studio A 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No he will not get over it because everytime u 2 argue he will bring up when u lost the ring n when he does that he wins automatically but yea if u cave him something really important wouldnt u be mad 4 a long time
2006-12-09 07:19:59 · answer #7 · answered by Young boi 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't know, Go and get one made exactly like it, and say hey, look what I found! Then, with it, you will be able to tellif it was the ring, or if the relationship was just not going to work. Eliminate the unknown factor.
2006-12-09 07:20:53 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Tell him you're sorry and offer to pay back some of the money. That was a lot of money to just lose it. I don't blame him for being upset. If he can't forgive you, you have to let him go.
2006-12-09 07:21:44 · answer #9 · answered by mamabear 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
First off, congratulations to you for still be able to have a relationship. Hope I am that spry later on on life.
Most importantly, you are either obligated to return the ring or reimburse him the fair market value of the ring.
2006-12-09 07:19:27 · answer #10 · answered by Grown Man 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋