My dad is racist and always has been . I met my Jamaican partner 13 yrs ago and have been together ever since . We have two daughter 11 and 9. Whom are a mix of Jamaican and White British .
My father constantly makes racist jokes about others and constantly goes on about how bad people of all colours other than white are .
I HATE it and its causing me nothing but stress and pain . I dont want to cut my dad out of my life as I have a very small family and lost my mum at 16 . But as you can see its wrong for my kids to be around although he never directs comments to them .
Recently their father stated he doesnt want the kids to visit him anymore and suggested I do the same but I dont think I can .
I always tell him about my feelings but he doesnt care .
Please help .
2006-12-09 07:05:01 · 14 answers · asked by C 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
It's sad that your dad is that way...even sadder that you need to remove him from your childrens life out of necessity. Your husband is right.
Perhaps if your dad is widowed...you should set him up with some exotic women of color.... nothing stops racism like sex...lol.
Personally, I'm with you...I love interacial relationships....I have always preferred women of ethnicity.
2006-12-09 11:28:23 · answer #1 · answered by westfield47130 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Unfortunately, you're going to have to use some "tough love". Does your father love his grandchildren? If he behaves nicely around them, then you may have to keep them away until he comes to his senses.
A lot of people see situations like this as a joke until it slaps them in the face and they have to face up to it.
If your children are hearing your dad put down people of races other than white or mixed race people, then like a current of electricity, they will eventually get the message that they are not good enough and are only second best. How in the world could they be good enough if their own grand father condemns?
It is a hard one but you're going to have to quietly sit him down and explain to him for the sake of your children - who deserve to believe they are acceptable - you will have to keep them away. Bearing in mind, this should only be a temporary measure.
Let the situation run it's course ie: general upset and probably a bit of arguments and name calling, etc. Then start fresh.
Things always come to a head when we're trying to make majour changes in our lives.
Your children come first and you know this or you wouldn't be asking complete strangers. Their father is right as well.
Shame on your father for not learning his lesson by being with his loving grandchildren.
My heart goes out to you.
Good luck.
2006-12-09 08:23:41 · answer #2 · answered by KD 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is your dad's problem, it is not yours, your wife, or any of your children.
Tell him that you will go an agreement with the deal, that he hates his own blood relatives of his pride and hate of people and color, and that he has stopped all generations to come in his life.
Adopt grandparents for the kids, there are so many elderly who would love have a family to call of their own, to have grandchildren. This will help your family and the lonely elderly.
You know, you just have to move on with your life, raise your family, you have the others family relatives for the kids and you for family.
It is your dad's lost. Life is just to short to hate people of race.
You take care, explain to the kids, it is not their fault, or their parents fault that their grandfather has such hatred over them and other people of race.
One day, there will be no more racism, no more hate but now, we live in a world of so much bitterness and hate.
2006-12-09 07:19:41 · answer #3 · answered by ourjacobdavid 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think you should talk to your dad and explain how you feel. Keep it simple and say you love him but wish he didn't make these comments in front of the children or your partner.
I think that maybe he doesn't even realise that it is hurting you. He knows he doesn't mean it towards your family and probably assumes you know that and so thinks there's no problem.
Just explain that it's not nice for them to hear.
Good luck x
2006-12-09 07:19:54 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just don't take the kids there. I mean, if YOU want to visit him, go ahead by yourself, but I doubt it's going to be very fun... make it a point to tell him that his racist, white-supremacist attitude died along with the KKK and Hitler. If you get into fights, well, that's to be expected judging from the situation and the issue.
2006-12-09 07:14:54 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
don't take the children to see him any more he is a racist pig and they should not be around that after all he is insulting their father even if it is indirect .tell your dad what you are doing ,by not bringing the children over , and let him decide what he wants to do about it defend the kids they need defending.....good luck,
2006-12-09 08:19:03 · answer #6 · answered by twinsters 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is up to your partner to express his feelings to your father. You shouldn't have to choose between the two. However, I would tell him to stop with the jokes and the comments, especially in front of your kids.
Be firm - this is nonsense.
2006-12-09 07:56:07 · answer #7 · answered by True Blue Brit 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You cannot be held responsible for your Dad's racist views. But you can make it plain that yoi will keep your contact with him to the minimum if he insists on expressing them when you are around.
Mostracists are basically insecure. Tell him you love him, whatever he thinks, but that you have made your choice and are happy with it, therefore he ought to be happy for your sake.
2006-12-09 08:03:10 · answer #8 · answered by alan h 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think if you want to continue on in a relationship that is your choice. However, it has been more than long enough for him to get over his racist attitude. And since he has not I do not blame the children's father for not wanting them around him, grandfather or not. He is a very ignorant man and too old to be holding such ignorant and biases attitudes. Good luck and God bless****
2006-12-09 07:10:33 · answer #9 · answered by ? 7 · 2⤊ 1⤋
IM BIRACIAL AND LET ME TELL YOU I CANT STAND MY OWN HALF BROTHER BECAUSE OF THE THINGS HE SAYS.IF YOU WANT YOUR KIDS TO FEEL THEIR IN A SAFE ENVIROMENT WELL IM SORRY TO SAY YOUR DAD HAS GOT TO GO .ITS ONE THING TO HAVE AN OPINION AND ANOTHER TO PUT DOWN YOUR OWN FAMILY IF HE LOVES YOU AND YOUR KIDS HE WILL KEEP HIS COMMENTS TO HIS SELF.RAISE YOUR FAMILY THE BEST YOU CAN SO YOUR KIDS WONT GROW UP LIKE HIM. BELEIVE ME HES NOT WORTH YOUR FAMILY GOING THROUGH HELL
2006-12-09 07:15:36 · answer #10 · answered by allurluv 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋