I like the stability of our relationship, and know that one day I want to settle down and have a family. However, I also enjoy going out, and meeting new people. I almost feel tied down, and unable to do the things that sound fun. Should I forget about fun, and get married, or forget about marriage and have fun? I feel like I can't marry someone who doesn't enjoy the same things as I do, but don't opposites attract?
He is very successful, treats me well, and is ready for marriage. Is it a mistake to let him go?? Please help!!!
2006-12-09 06:54:54 · 20 answers · asked by shay223 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Girl, if you are unsure, which means you doubt your current relationship, then why volunteer to marry, unless you are sure.
I have a friend, who name happens to be Shay, who is going through something similar as you. Like her, I ask you, what do you want?! Do you want stability out of comfort or do you want a field to sow your wild oats? Straddling the fence when it comes to others hearts is not a good thing - make up your mind.
I’m confused as to why you think a committed relationship (marriage) has no possibility of fun? Marriage is a union of fun and then some, if both partners are equipped with balanced flexibility and respect.
Partners with similarities, doesn’t mean an automatic successful marriage. When someone is opposite of you, they actually fill in the places where you are weak, and vice versa. Life and relationships are more than our individual wants, they are meant to be experienced, learned and shared, with truth.
Be blessed.
2006-12-09 07:29:58 · answer #1 · answered by Decent 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The only thing you can't do when you are married is sleep with other people. There isn't any reason why you can't have fun with the person you are with the way you have been. However, when children come then you will instinctively do what is necessary and you will WANT to do that. If by 5 years you are still looking for a better offer then you need to release your mate so that he can develop a relationship with someone who has the same goals and values as he does. This will also free yourself up from the entanglement of commitment and honoring a vow which is your primary problem. Good Luck!
2006-12-09 06:58:28 · answer #2 · answered by GrnApl 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Plan a long, long, long engagement. Infatuation is not love, but unfortunately many people can't tell the difference. You know what I wold do? I would talk about having a discussion in one year about marriage. I wouldn't get engaged yet, I would put that off until you've been dating for at least 6 months. My husband and I felt the same way you do when we started dating, it was pretty obvious to us that we were a great couple but we still didn't get married until a year later. You have to be realistic, the vast majority of the time this is just infatuation. Infatuation is the body's chemical reaction to a compatible mate that urges you to procreate--NOTHING MORE. Infatuation is desire. It is euphoric, and often uncontrollable. Love is deeper. It is faithfulness and trust. It's the ability and desire to be with another and work through conflict and troubles. Love is a truckload of compromise. Infatuation is nothing more than chemicals from the brain triggering the instinct to procreate, which often only increases the feeling of euphoria and a false sense of close bonding. It usually fizzles out sooner rather than later. For this reason I strongly recommend you push off talk of engagement for another 6 months or more. Often love and infatuation go hand in hand, but love is something that grows and develops over time, not suddenly.
2016-03-29 01:05:38 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Then don't marry the guy. Just being successful and treating you well doesn't make a marriage. If you two don't enjoy the same things what are you going to be doing the rest of your lifes, spending them apart? Opposites attract when the "opposing" sides are willing to partake in what the other person is interested in, in otherwords when they are willing to compromise, "I'll go here with you if you do this with me" . If the couple is not willing to compromise then they shouldn't get married. Eventually one or both of you will get tired of the situation and then you'll be in divorce court. If you want a long lasting marriage I suggest you and he find partner's you have more in common with and someone you can enjoy doing things with because if you have kids, once the kids are grown there is just the two of you and believe it or not a lot of divorces occur after the kids have all grown up and out of the home. Because the parents no longer have anything in common.
2006-12-09 07:02:42 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you aren't compatible, how have you managed to stay together this long?? If you love him, if there's something there at all, look at the reasons that you love him. Figure out what you want in a relationship and how many of those charachteristics he has. Then figure out what it is about being single that seems so fun. If you are just interested in dancing at clubs or bars, talk him into going to dance lessons with you (adjust that to whatever it is you are going to miss about single life). If there really is nothing strong keeping you there, you've just been staying out of obligation or something, then go ahead and cut it off. He does not deserve to be led on like that. Give him the chance to find what it is that he's looking for as well. Good luck!! ♥
2006-12-09 07:14:07 · answer #5 · answered by ♥ Butterfly ♥ 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why do you have to give up fun when you get married? It's not like you go out and date other people right now, is it? Just because you get married doesn't mean you can't make more friends or meet new people. It just means you'll be in a stable, secure, loving relationship that's proven itself to be worthwhile.
2006-12-09 06:58:31 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
My opinion is this: never settle. If you do not feel like this guy is "the one" then don't marry him, or you will be very sorry. If he is "the one" and you just want to play around a little more before you walk down the aisle, why, that's different. But from the way you worded your question it doesn't sound like you love this guy.
2006-12-09 08:09:42 · answer #7 · answered by Helen W. 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Then dont get married til you are sure thats exactly what you want. Stay with him but either have the worlds record for engagments or just continue on as is. Have a serious talk with him telling him exactly what youve said above and tell him exactly what you want for now but could change in the future. If he truly really loves you he will work with you on this.After all youre not losing each other,just continueing on as you have been til youre sure of what you want. Good luck
2006-12-09 07:04:26 · answer #8 · answered by Arthur W 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You're not being loving or fair to him, not looking out for his best interests. Let him go so he can stop wasting time with someone that isn't interested in making a life with him. You'll probably regret letting this good guy go the rest of your life, but hey ... what fun!
2006-12-09 07:29:42 · answer #9 · answered by AnswerGuy 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Just because you get married doesn't mean that you can't have fun still! Even if your guy doesn't want to go out he should respect your decision to go out with some friends, as long as you don't do something that would cause him to not trust you. I say if you love him, marry him.
2006-12-09 07:06:17 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋