my mother is attached to me and now I have a boyfriend, how do I live my life without hurting her?

Question

She is not married and she is very protective of me. She acts very jelous that I leave her and go out with my boyfriend. I am 22 years old already! She won't let me go!!! I have a brother who lives with his fiance and she is always asking him "when are you going to marry her?" Now that I've been together with my boyfriend for a year she is asking us "when are you going to marry?" I can't stand it anymore. She acts like a child and is very demanding of my attention. She doesn't drive and is always asking me for a ride. When my boyfriend and I are together she makes plans that don't fit our schedule and is pissed off when I tell her I can't help her out. I love my mother and I want to know how to remove myself without "hurting" her feelings.

Answer 1

She's being extremely manipulative, You may have to hurt her feelings to get your point across. She obviously has no regard for your decisions and plans. Get a backbone or it will never stop.

Answer 2

Maybe you should schedule just one day a week for her and tell her that now that you have a boyfriend and your job, etc.. you don't want her out of your life, that you would like to keep one day a week for her to help her feel like she is still wanted. Tell her if you two plan a date, she will be the first to know, otherwise, you feel like she is pressuring you into something you are not quite ready for. Try to get her involved in other groups that might interest her that do not involve you. Church single groups of her age or other groups. Tell her times you are not available. You are both adults and should be able to sit down and discuss these things woman to woman. Tell her the things you admire and love about her and the things you have learned from her. Then tell her the things or rules you would like to see starting now. You don't have to tell her in a negative tone, but firmly and make sure she understands how you feel. Be honest as communication and honesty are important in any relationship. Hugs to you.

Answer 3

You have to communicate with her. Start by telling her you love her, and you don't mind helping her out, but: you are just starting your life and you need your independence, that you get embarrassed when she asks you about marriage, that she needs to make her own friends and have her own life, that you can set up one day a week to take her places and do things with her, that it is not healthy or normal for you to stay tied to her apron strings and for her to not have her own friends, that when she becomes demanding it hurts and angers you, that her anger at you hurts you, because she assumes all your time is her time, that you are sorry if all this hurts her but you have to speak your mind because all of this is really making you worry and uncomfortable, that if she cannot compromise and let you have your own life then you will have to get away from her for a while....All of this will upset her, but it sounds like you are going to have to be the adult in that relationship....I had the same circumstance but it was when I was 40 and my mother's husband had died a year earlier, and she made so many demands on me, I had to let her know. She cried and got mad at me, but now we have a very open and positive relationship with each other because she respects me and my time....Good luck.....

Answer 4

You need to be firm with her and what you want. It would be nice to include her once in a while, or both of you do special things together. Don't exclude her, that would hurt her, but live your life as you see fit.
She may pout and become verbally abusive or try to make you feel bad. Don't let her do that or let it get to you.

Answer 5

you will possibly desire to strengthen out of your shell. hit upon a activity, get your individual place, concentration on your life and don't permit him or every physique make you obsessed approximately your concern. it relatively is in no way a physically powerful factor once you lose somebody, yet you're so youthful and you life is earlier than you. grab it with the help of the horns! you're able to do lots alongside with some time - your concern isn't stable. pass out, get self sufficient, get your self some money, locate new acquaintances, be your self and then in case you nevertheless decide for him (and don't check out him as your saviour) then date him at your place at your words!

Answer 6

You need to be honest with her and tell her how you feel. There is no way around hurting her, but there is a way to make it hurt less. But you will hate yourself more if you allow her to control your life like that. You have to-at some point-live your own life for yourself.

Answer 7

Have times when you go out with your boyfriend alone. Have less frequent times when your mother is invited to go out with you and your boyfriend. This will keep mother happier and you may find that it also enables you to see and judge the boyfriend better. Make your mother feel honored and welcome. This magnifies the worth of the time you spend with her.

Answer 8

that is a terrible situation and shame on your mom for putting you there. i am sure you love your mom, but if she loves you she will let you begin the next phase of your life. if you let her run your life now, you will regret it later. remember though, she is family, show respect and try not to do permanent damage to your relationship. be calm and have an adult conversation. good luck!

Answer 9

You can not hurt someone else's feelings. They decide what their feelings will be.

If your mother is so dependent on you she can choose to take advantage of counseling at your neighborhood community mental health clinic to find more suitable ways of cognitively reacting to life.

Answer 10

Have her read your question just as you wrote it, and ask her to tell you what she thinks. Have a discussion with her about it.