Whenever, my husband and I have a disagreement, he usually takes advantage of the fact that I am a crier. He will increasingly raise his voice and say the meanest things that come to mind until he makes me cry. It's almost like a power thing with him. When I try to talk about something that has upset or hurt me and he disagrees with me, he tries his best to hurt me emotionally. He'll call me a 'baby.' or tell me that he doesn't care about what I have to say. I know that there is something terribly wrong with this. Usually, I am the one to want to talk through things and resolve our issues, but then he;ll go and become so mean and disrespectful that it makes me back off just for peace, even if temporary. My frustration has really built up over the course of our marriage and while I have been pretty good at solving problems in other areas of my life, I have absolutely no idea how to get through this.
2006-12-09 06:32:32 · 9 answers · asked by AnicDat 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
He is verbally and emotionally abusing you. The next step is violence and physical abuse. You need to get out of the relationship. I just saw on TV yesterday where a young married woman stayed with her husband even tho' he abused her. It started with the verbal and emotional abuse and then led to violent arguments destroying things and finally to physical abuse, beating her up, etc. She finally filed for divorce and put a restraining order on him. He eventually poured gasoline over her body and lit her on fire. She lived through it but is, of course, severely scared and her life as she knew it will never be the same. Actually it was on Oprah yesterday now that I think about it. You could probably look it up and watch it if you have a computer.
Anyway, don't wait til that point where you could get brutally harmed, maimed or killed. Good Luck to you.
2006-12-09 06:41:29 · answer #1 · answered by Maggie 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
the only thing that will work is...
The key here is to let him experience what you really mean to him. He doesnt know what it feels like to not have you, he's taken your love for granted. So let him realize what you really mean to him by leaving for a few days. But dont tell him its only for a few days. Tell him youre not coming back. He must feel like he must change to get you back.
by saying this:
" Im tired of you hurting me, and your verbal abuse. I've been keeping it bottled up, but now, Im so f*cking tired of it, I dont care anymore. I cant stay with a man that abuses me. I'm not going to put up with it anymore. Im going to stay at my mom's (or whomever) for a while until I get back on my OWN feet. I dont need you." Then go ACT like your packing. If he doesnt apologize right there and then, he will once you leave after living without you for a day or two. He must think youre not coming back, or it wont work. if he feels that you';ll ke ep taking him back, or that you keep forgiving him, he will feel it is okay to treat you that way, and that you will ALWAYS be there and put up with it.
2006-12-09 15:35:31 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
take a cue from him. Imagine yourself responding the way HE responds, without emotion. Let it go and DON'T make any deal out of it.
He doesn't care, why should YOU? You are only wasting your own energy on communicating with him. Don't give him the satisfaction of your tears. If that means not discussing ANYTHING with him, then so be it.
Take control BACK, hold your own power and don't give it to him. He's not the one twisting your arm to get you to talk to him. Stop trying to twist his.
YOU are in control of YOUR decisions and what comes out of YOUR mouth.
2006-12-09 15:09:02 · answer #3 · answered by moniquebell 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is called mental abuse. Don't take it. I am a crier also, but I have learned that no one can control my emotions but me. You are a woman and you are strong enough to stand up for yourself. You need to stop taking it and stand up to him. You are strong and no one should disrespect you, especially your husband. Get books on female dominance if that will help. YOU can do it.
2006-12-09 14:46:17 · answer #4 · answered by sexyladyinak 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is really bad. It sounds like you need a third party to help you out but I suspect your husband would not entertain the idea of going to a marriage councilor. You may give him the ultimatum of leaving if he doesn't change his behavior. Best of luck.
2006-12-09 14:42:22 · answer #5 · answered by mr_slacker70 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I agree with the others who have written. This is emotional abuse of the first order. If he is not willing to work on changing, you have no choice but to leave him.
2006-12-09 17:40:02 · answer #6 · answered by Helen W. 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i used to do the same to an ex of mine.i would say i was leaving and pack up all my belongings,just bc i knew that he would wind up begging me to stay.it made me feel sure of his love for me.it took him sobbing for me to feel good about myself.this is a sickness that takes time to let go of completely.you need to believe you are worthy of respect and make it clear that he is the one being a baby.didn't he learn to treat others the way you want others to treat you.
2006-12-09 14:48:27 · answer #7 · answered by unattainable 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You already know the answer. Those are not the actions of a man who loves and respects you. Who knows what his problems is...but it doesn't have to be yours!!! Get out.
2006-12-09 16:17:14 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Seek God you need to pray he is the only who can help you
2006-12-09 14:38:26 · answer #9 · answered by Mom of 3 2 · 1⤊ 3⤋