Ok so I have a duaghter with this guy who i have been on and off for 3 1/2 years. (mostly on) And he has been gone at college for about 9 mos he grads in 2 weeks and is moving back in with us...but a couple months ago he had took off for a WHOLE MONTH wihout, calling,txting, anything, it was like he had fallen off the face of the earth. He didnt even call the daycare to check on her. Anywho so when he showed back up he had her name tatooed on his arm taken up smoking AND started talking about when me and him are getting married!?!?!?!? what the hell?!?!? i havent the sligtest clue what to do...me and him have been through ALOT together and he has stuck with me (and me with him) through thick and thin. please help. and FAST. feel free to email me if your message is too long.
2006-12-09 05:44:27 · 6 answers · asked by cutie 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
okay first you need to go pick up the book he's just not that into you... i know it sound cheeky to say but it's a good book i have lent my book out to 6 of my gfs who have then bought it for other people... ask yourself why do you want to be with someone who can't call or text you just to say hi... was two seconds of his life that precious that he couldn't contact you... i have a huge motto that i live by "DO NOT reward bad behavior" if you reward his behavior it says to him.. it's okay to bail for a month... don't talk to me.. don't care what's going on in my life... and most importantly be there for your child... please don't be there for us for an entire month! 3 and a half years on and off is a long time... however it's been on and off... it should be 3 and half years on... yes people have problems and growing up to do and i think it's great when they work out ... but you are saying off and on and i'm assuming it's been more than once of on and off... it's a cycle or rewarding bad behavior and disrespecting each other and your child together. you and your child deserve better than this... just because you've been through a lot doesn't mean you need to be with that person... it adds up to a lot of water under the bridge and do you really wanna tell your daughter later in life how her parents started out and got married... could you be proud of that story? if not then you know what to do! sometimes thinking with your heart will get you heartbroken!
2006-12-09 05:51:36 · answer #1 · answered by heartbreaker6713 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
What is it you need help with? Are you looking for an answer to where he was for a month. Or that he has made some changes in himself or his decision of commitment? Whatever answers you want. Lets leave that for later. You need to look at you right now. What do you want ? Marriage? Live in? Time? Are you in love with him? Sometimes its best to leave well enough alone. Wanting answers to make a decision of this sort, means there is something in you that questions your feeling for him. You may want to have a reason not to commit to this relationship and this could give you what your looking for, A Way Out. Sure you can take, its there. Or just be honest and take some part of the blame, and not just Blame him.
If you are hurt? you didn't so? and you just want to know for what ever reason? then you need to lay your cards down, if that's what will put your mind a rest. But really will it??? Or do you just want to hurt and make him feel bad as if he owes you?
I say, if you love him and he is the one? LET IT GO. ITS NOT WORTH IT. The smoking will mostly likely change , if not? no big deal, he smokes outside.
Get on with your life together. he's coming home and you have waited for thisAND he has wait for it . Now its here for the taking.
So take what you want.
He showing, telling and doing what he knows he wants and that is you and his daughter together. FAMILY
Dont look for fault on how he got there. HE IS THERE.
2006-12-09 14:34:46 · answer #2 · answered by livelovelaugh 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Who would want to marry a man that can disappear for a whole month without giving a crap about his child.?? What was his excuse? I can't think of anything acceptable, other than "I was in a coma", or "I had amnesia". I broke up with my man because he disappeared for a weekend - totally unacceptable behaviour within a relationship, as far as I am concerned. If I had done that - he would have blown a gasket. I can't see a fix for this - I personally could not trust someone that "falls off the face of the earth" for any amount of time. His lack of priorities would worry me.
2006-12-09 14:06:16 · answer #3 · answered by Bondgirl 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Okay. First you need to sit down and talk to this guy. Ask him about that month where he disappeared. Make sure he knows about the responsibilities of having a child and, more importantly, BEING THERE for that child. Make sure he knows, though, that you still love him more than anything and tell him that this new you isn't what you fell in love with. The tattoo may have to stay, but the smoking DEFINITELY can go--especially with a 3-year-old daughter around.
2006-12-09 13:48:32 · answer #4 · answered by Gia 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hi cutie,i don't see any reason y u 2 discontinue d relationship,beco'z d devil u no is beta dan unknown Angel, as 4 me i think u should call him & let him no how u feel maybe during d time he was absence he may hv some defficurties that is undergoes without lettin u no about it dat y he didn't call or txt u.As per getting married,just tell him dat he should giv u time 4 som preparation so dat u will be able 2 study him very well & 2 decide wht 2 do.
2006-12-09 14:27:56 · answer #5 · answered by ADEBAYO F 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do not allow him to smoke around your little girl. I am also wondering if he is bipolar...?
2006-12-09 13:50:53 · answer #6 · answered by eastcoastdebra 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋