My boyfriend wants his son to move in with us, but there is NO WAY I will allow this. My relationship with boy, 12, is not good.My BF thinks everything would be great if the kid moved in, but I know it would not. My BF has a tendency to ignore problems, thinking that will make them go away.The kid has emotional, learning and behavoiral problems, and is VERY VERY selfish AND lazy.He has gotten physically agressive with me (shoving), his mom (swung at her), and kids at school(fights). Emotionally, and academically, he is at the level of a 7 or 8 year old.He is also very big for his age. The mom is has pretty much given up and lets him do what he wants because he is physically stronger than her and she cannot stop him. He goes to therapy on and off. My BF says I am wrong not to let him move in, and that it is MY fault he has problems because I am stopping him from helping his son. Then he said it might his own fault for living somewhere that his son cannot move into.
2006-12-09 05:22:39 · 5 answers · asked by eastcoastdebra 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
Besides all the problems with the kids behavior..(think a 7 or 8 year old in a body the size and strength of a 15 year old) the house is small, one bathroom, small hot water heater, small yard, etc. It would be challenging enough if he was a typical 12 year old which obviously he is not. I have already decided he is NOT moving in….I am just wondering if anyone thinks I am wrong for not letting him move in here. It would change my whole life around. My BF also says the mom abuses the boy…which is it? She abuses him, or she cant control him?? Maybe she is just so exasperated with him that she dosent know what to do anymore. The kid gives off negative energy with his attitude and is NOT pleasant to be around.He comes here 2 weekends a month which I am really starting to dread.He does not listen, he has almost caused damage to the house with his refusal to obey simple instructions from an adult, either my BF or myself.. I own the house.
2006-12-09 05:25:23 · update #1
if you are interested in the details of my relationship with the boy, see my other questions :) I wont bore u here
2006-12-09 05:26:56 · update #2
yes Mamabear, I knew he had a son..BUT I had no idea the kid was like this, I did not meet him until AFTER we moved in together. My BF reason for this was, "My exwife nevers lets me see him" and/or "My exwife will be very upset if you are around him, and not let me see him" and/or "I do not bring women I date around my son unless I know it is long term, he gets attached too easily" This one would make sense but the kid does not care about anyone except himself, so I highly doubt he would have gotten attached.
2006-12-09 05:38:59 · update #3
this is not a good situation, it can turn potentially dangerous. you said that he's shoved you, who knows what an unstable child will do. i wouldnt feel safe around him. your boyfriend needs to take responsibility of his child before it gets worse and stop blaming you. you dont have to allow that kind of treatment in your house. you arent stopping him from helping his son, dont feel like it is your fault. the child needs serious treatment asap and your boyfriend needs to move out if it bothers him so much. my nephew is the same way, very violent at times, he jumped on my aunt last night and my uncle told him that he had to go, i wouldnt take on that responsibility, especially since i have a young child.
2006-12-09 06:16:03 · answer #1 · answered by MiaDiva28 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Two matters have to occur. First, the boy must be attending remedy regularily, no longer on an off-and-on foundation. Secondly, his father must be taking parenting categories and finding out methods to manage the problems. Then, and best then, must you recall permitting him to transport in. What the boy lacks at this factor in his existence, is a robust dad or mum-determine. Obviously his mother is not filling the invoice, in order that turns it over to his father. But because it stands, neither of them turns out to grasp what to do with the boy, and that is why parenting categories are integral. The different probability is an intervention, this means that the boy might reside with a foster household who's informed in dealing with this style of habits. As to the last results among you and your boyfriend, it sounds as regardless that he's going to must make a option among you and his son. And having introduced a little one into the arena, you are not able to simply wash your palms and stroll clear of it. If the boy is going to intervention even as the dad learns parenting, then there's a few wish for him. But frankly, having noticeable one dating move down the tube, relocating right into a residence together with his dad and a girlfriernd is not going to make him wish to make any certain attempt to delight you. He's already skilled an risky dating and that rather hurts the way in which he appears at persons, at relationships, and on the international at tremendous. Is there any intent why you and your bf don't seem to be married? That no less than might be a step in the direction of a steady dating, and person who the boy might see would incorporate him at some point.
2016-09-03 09:35:07 · answer #2 · answered by bachinski 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are so wrong. That is his child too. I know he's not yours, but you knew has a son. His first priority is his son. He made him and now he needs him and he's not there for him, just because you won't let him. If his mom has given up, who else does he have? It is your bf's responsibility, not if he wants to. I think he should leave you and put his son first. You don't just give up on your kids when they have serious problems. Shame on all three of you. Now all you've done is made things worse because your bf is going to resent you for your decision. This boy did not get this way by himself.
2006-12-09 05:33:47 · answer #3 · answered by mamabear 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
This is your BF son, by all means this in your BF priority. If I were him, I would leave you. Your boyfriend needs to stop blaming you and find a place to live that he can take care of his son.
2006-12-09 05:45:56 · answer #4 · answered by Jinny E 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
you are right in every way. especially since you own the house . you dont need anything like that going on in your life. it will also come between you and your boyfriend.. you have a right to say what goes on in your own home. good luck to you. hope everything turns out ok for you.
2006-12-09 05:31:16 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋