arguing like crazy. He says that its all my fault because I am constantly accusing him of cheating. He says that he is not and that he is tired of my accusations. He says that it has gottn to the point that he does not want to be around me at all. He just wants to come home and be left alone. He tells me he loves me all of the time. He says that even if I stop accusing him that it will take a while until he gets out of being mad at me and for things to get back to normal. What should I do? I have ruined our relationship with my insecurites..how can I fix our marriage?
2006-12-09 04:24:37 · 33 answers · asked by DDee 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Also I have a nine year old daughter from a previous relationship and she loves him like a real dad and he loves her. I dont want to ruin this for her. How can I make sure that he wil stay with us?
2006-12-09 04:27:06 · update #1
If you are so insecure that you know you are unfairly accusing your brand new husband of cheating and are ruining your marriage, but can't stop it -- then you need therapy. Pronto.
Your insecurities are not your husband's problem unless he had a hand in creating them originally by cheating on you. If that's the case, then you probably shouldn't have married him.
Make your husband a promise that you are going to get therapy and follow through on that promise. In the meantime, make every possible effort to think before opening your mouth. Count to ten, grab a pillow, count to one hundred, whatever technique works for you. Just stop opening your mouth so that your insecurities come out. Self discipline and therapy are the only way you're going to cure yourself of this problem.
If you don't get therapy you will not only lose this husband, you will probably lose any man you might initially attract. That kind of insane jealousy is really a good way to repel people.
Good luck.
2006-12-09 04:31:39 · answer #1 · answered by Karen L 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Getting married does something to couples. Especially women. I don't know why. We start to feel that men have to be perfect gentlemen and good fathers, decent men. I am not saying its your fault. Men change too. They start feeling the pressure and tied down. I think everyone just gets scared. Maybe you should relax more. Try to remember the things that you felt before you got married. Don't forget that you are your own person. Find things that make you happy so you can take some of the pressure off of him. If he is cheating you will know. Don't stress out so much worrying about it. The first couple of years are hard on a marriage.
Its good that he loves your little girl but don't forget, she is your daughter first. If things don't work out between you two its better that she doesnt see an unhappy couple fighting all of the time.
Focus on yourself and your little girl. Good luck.
2006-12-09 04:40:01 · answer #2 · answered by cutencurley_05 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A woman's intuition is *almost* always right. If you truely believe he is cheating on you, there is no reason to stay in the marriage. If you have no proof and he isn't giving you a reason for you to think these things, quit accusing him and try to move on. Have a serious talk with him and explain how sorry you areand how his actions make you think he is cheating..... until then try to get along. Don't be too pushy, he is his own person and he can make his own decisions. It will take time for his heart to heal from all the accusations.
2006-12-09 05:06:09 · answer #3 · answered by lilmonkeefoofoo 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow....
Ok, where to begin?
Ummmm... first question; Do you accuse him of infidelity? If so, why?
- Does he go places or do things for hours without telling you?
- Does he stay away from home overnight without letting you know?
- Does he come home late at night without calling and letting you know that he'll be home late, and where he'll be, and how you can contact him?
- What changed from when you were dating, until now? If the problems were there during dating, why did you wait so long to address it?
- Has he withdrawn from you emotionally, physically?
In other words.... what has he done to contribute to your sense of insecurities?
If you say nothing... then you need to ask yourself....
- Why am I so insecure about him?
- Is the problem really him, or me?
- What can I do to change my way of thinking? What behaviors can he exhibit to help me?
Most of all, communication.. COMMUNICATION, is the #1 key to help solve this issue. One month of marriage is not a long time, and yes, there is an adjustment period. BUT, if you can't effectively communicate how you feel.. 1 month will seem like an eternity.
Get help, open the lines of communication, and most of all, learn to trust when trust is warranted.
2006-12-09 04:36:19 · answer #4 · answered by rollng_thundr 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like this marriage was a bad idea. You are simply not ready.
You need to get some couples counseling to figure out your insecurities and help you both deal with them. You need a plan for dealing with it when you feel insecure and he gets defensive.
These problems have been around as long as you've been together, I suspect. This is nothing new. He wouldn't be sick of it after only one month of marriage. In other words this will not get back to normal. Your relationship has no normal to get back to. You need to break new ground here and find new ways of thinking, acting, and responding.
Work as hard at getting help as you do at trying to nail him on your suspicions and you might have a chance. Personally, I give you a 3 in 10 chance..... 0 in 10 if you don't get outside help
good luck!
2006-12-09 04:34:27 · answer #5 · answered by lmcbuilder 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Try and stop being so insecure honey, i know it is hard but if he says he loves you then be happy for yourself and your daughter.
Now back off of him after you go to him and say i am sorry for the mean and hurtful things i have been saying to you. Tell him you are going to work on yourself and your insecurity about him finding someone else which he will if YOU DO NOT BACK OFF.
Now leave him to himself, clean house, cook nice meals, tell him when he comes home from work HI how was your day. I missed you, I made this for dinner hope your hungry. And maybe YOU need of couple of sessions with a counselor on marriage, or someone to talk to open and honestly.
2006-12-09 04:45:47 · answer #6 · answered by picture 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First thing you need to understand is that the first year of marriage is the hardest.You dont have the feeling that he is cheating for no reason , there is more to it. If you really think it is just your own insecurities then you need to look deep inside yourself and find what it is that needs to be fixed and focus on that. Men dont like to be put on the spot about cheating. Whether he did it or not doesnt matter at this point. You need to get yourself together then focus on the marriage.
2006-12-09 04:35:47 · answer #7 · answered by jeepgirley 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Stop being insecure. If you have no real solid reason to think he is cheating, give him a little faith and trust and stop accusing. He married you didnt he? Just apologize for the accusations, tell him you'll work on it, and give him a week or so to get over it. You guys will be fine.
IF however, you have a very good reason to think he is cheating, and I mean like proof, sit him down, explain why your concerned, give him a chance to admit it, and if he can give honest valid reasons why he isnt cheating, and you accept it, just explain to him your fear and ask him to help you get over it.
Communication will go along way in this situation. And he will get over it sooner than you think. Your marriage isnt broken, it just hit a speed bump, its okay.
2006-12-09 04:30:09 · answer #8 · answered by sweetie_baby 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I believe u guys should force each other to talk and come up with a plan that is good for both of u. U guys should stay in ur own space for some time and get back on the relationship when u fell better. I hope everything becomes alright.
2006-12-09 04:29:40 · answer #9 · answered by Dark Invader 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well it could be several things newly weds usually argue a lot and in most cases that is common there a lot of things you find out about each other living together vs living separate not if you accuse him of cheating well you may very well maybe suspicious....right ask him to take a polygraph test....and if he passes that lie detector let that teach you something and never again accuse him get counseling for both you guys now if he were to fail....sorry i guess you will then know what to do
2006-12-09 05:28:04 · answer #10 · answered by starlight♥ 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋