The person who you are engaged too the other guys (2) you dated before you met that person . My bf of a year and half gave me the perfect ring and proposal but i dont think i am in love with him. When i think back on my last two relationships the guys i dated they new me well my likes and dislikes vise versa. I felt like i could talk to them about anything and i felt something there for them i cant explain.But i dont feel that way about the guy i am engaged too.Is it wrong to be comparing?
2006-12-09 04:06:09 · 26 answers · asked by Carla K 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
The reason i said yes was because it seemed the natural progression of things the way thing were going in the relationship.He is 26 going on 27 and i am 20 and still in college.He is set up well finacially and a good catch.
2006-12-09 04:16:46 · update #1
you can compare now, or after you marry
if you wait till after you will be bitter toward him!
2006-12-09 04:12:54 · answer #1 · answered by Anarchy99 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Did you accept the marriage proposal and are now having second thoughts. What you are looking for perhaps is not what this person has to offer you. Getting engaged may not the answer. right now it seems like there is a dilemma with deciding if you want to marry him or not. Being in love means so much in a relationship. Maybe you don't want to hurt him and that is why you accepted. You know what you want in a relationship and at this time its not what you want. Don't get into something that you don't really want.
Do you and he talk about many things. Have you been open with him to allow him to know what your likes and dislikes are.
is he attentive to what you are wanting.
If you don't love him, don't allow this to go on this way.
Compare is not a wise choice either for every person has their own personality and individuality as well. There must have been something special about him that allowed you to stay with him for a year. there is an attraction to be with each other.
Communcate, your feelings to him In a marriage partner you want a very best friend that you can confide in all your inner most feelings. Remember being married to someone is most times and hopefully a life long partnership. Be open and discuss what you are feeling.
I hope it works for you. take time to get to know one another better. he may just be the person for you after all.
Does he listen when you talk most importantly
2006-12-09 04:12:57 · answer #2 · answered by Spirit_Rain_3-SunShineAries 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You cannot look at this from a financial point of view. If you do not love him, do not marry him. Plain and simple.
The rock may be gorgeous and his income may be enticing, but what about your feelings?
I think you have already answered your own question by asking it in the first place. If you are comparing him to other guys, it is natural, but it is not natural to be engaged to a guy that doesn't at least meet the same standards.
If you are back stepping to a guy that you don't know well, and can't talk to, then I think you are making a mistake. If you are going to marry someone, that person has to be the one person in your life you can tell anything and everything to. You are investing your life into another's hands, so to speak. Better make sure those hands are the ones you trust to hold onto.
Good luck
2006-12-09 04:22:46 · answer #3 · answered by bux_martinfan 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
first of all, what made him think that you would marry him? Possibly that you led him to believe you WERE in love with him so you could get an engagement ring????
Yes, it's unfair to him that you don't find him to be the right person for you. you need to go find someone who is more like those other guys before you ruin this poor man's life. Give back the ring and let him marry a woman who wants him for the RIGHT reasons.
2006-12-09 04:19:22 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's not exactly fair to compare two completely different people, but I think what you're noticing is that you aren't clicking with your boyfriend as well as you have liked, and are comparing the experiences --not so much the people themselves.
In any case, this is pretty important and should be some food for thought on deciding if you actually want to go through with an engagement.
2006-12-09 04:09:57 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your asking the wrong question, don't worry about comparing, worry about the fact you are not in love with your fiance, you know your not you know what love feels like, do the right thing for both of you before its too late and five years from now you are in the middle of a divorce with two small children, marriage is hard enough when you do love the other person
2006-12-09 04:10:29 · answer #6 · answered by scout1567 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Every guy that you have a relationship is going to have things that you like and dislike about them. There is a reason that you aren't with them anymore. Compare that with the man that you are engaged to. At the same time... you should be able to be open and definitly in love with the man that you are engaged to. If your not, you shouldn't go through with it. If you don't feel like you are being loved and you don't feel like you love him... how do you exdpect to make a marriage last?
2006-12-09 04:09:53 · answer #7 · answered by Amy_S 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Life is one big comparison, but YOU are the only one who can decide if its right or not. Putting it out here for a bunch of people who don't know you or your BF is not going to solve the issue.
Take some time, go off by yourself, no phones, no cell phones and sort this mess out. He maybe the perfect one because the two of you have growing to do, and then again, he may not be. Like I said, only YOU can make this decision.
2006-12-09 04:09:27 · answer #8 · answered by George C 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Dont get into a dipper relationship if you not in love..Be honest and do what you heart tells you,but think why you are not with the other and end up with this guy.Remember that the comunication is a strong base in a relationship.And no..i dont think comparing is wrong as long he doesnt know youre doing it....anyways you have to compare to buy enything in live why not to find love... :)
2006-12-09 04:14:30 · answer #9 · answered by Imalay 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
From the sounds of it, you are not ready to be engaged. I think you need to take some time off, and work on yourself. You need to to not be comparing each person to the one's before. If that is what you are doing, than it probably isn't "true" love. Why don't you just take some time for you - and work on loving yourself. Good luck.
2006-12-09 04:10:23 · answer #10 · answered by Stasi 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No! not with the good things! The whole point of dating is so we learn what we do and don't like! THe big red flag here is that you don't think your in love with him. If you have that doubt generally you shouldn't be in the relationship! Better earlier than later. Also remember that no relationship is perfect.
2006-12-09 04:09:17 · answer #11 · answered by sunnied001 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋