I moved 1200 miles 4 yrs ago to be with my boyfriend. We went through tough times, he lost his job and ended up moving back home with his parents. I continued to stay here, but I lost my job a couple of months ago, and he and I have continued to see each other. I have been seeking work, unfortunately the area I am in there's not a lot of jobs availiable, and I am deep in debt. I just started drawing unemployment and my family has helped me out greatly, but it's not thier job to bail me out, and I want to get back on my feet. My parents feel I should sell what belongings I have and come home. My boyfriend feels that I should weather this bad luck out and if I go home, it would mean not only the end of our relationship, but he feels that if I truly loved him I would stay. I do love him very much, and my family dislikes the guy. He refuses to move out of state with me. My heart is torn, as I don't want to leave but I am faced with little choice. How should I handle it and tell him?
2006-12-09 02:41:58 · 33 answers · asked by kimber 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I just don't want him to hate me the rest of his life. We do have a history, some bad and lot's of good, I just don't see a way out. It's either I become homeless or start a new life. This is so hard, especially this time of year. I don't know what to say to him. I have 20 days to get my stuff together, so it's not a long time for me to dwell on this, as I need to take action now. I just don't want him to hate me, and think I don't love him...I do. But is love enough?
2006-12-09 02:52:42 · update #1
Move home! You have NOTHING there, least of all a supportive boyfriend! Besides all that, if he loved you, he would have married you before now!(4 years?) Go home(where the support IS!) Good Luck!!
2006-12-09 02:47:03 · answer #1 · answered by olderbutwiser 7 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Kimber, You errored twice. This is part of life to error, so don't think I'm bashing you. We learn from our mistakes, or others mistakes. First mistake was to let things get so bad you are this deep in debt. But, you have been given some VERY wise council! From your parents! Sell everything you can and move back home. This is not a declaration that you are a failure! It just means you failed. Next step start again! This time try school. Nursing is hot right now, too many jobs, not enough people, plus BIG $'s. Student loans are easily available for these jobs! Just thank your parents and start again. Second error, you stayed with your boyfriend. Love is great, but, so is responsibility! He won't move back with you, then YOU move! If he really loves you then he will come-a-running! If not, believe me there are allot of young Doctors out there looking for cute nurses to be around! ;) All the errors you have made can be turned around. All of them! But, to hope that your b/f will assist, nope. He was smart enough to go home. Show equal intelligence and do the same. No one thinks poorly of you. You tried! That shows something about you! I'm proud of what you've tried! Just learn from your mistakes. Good Luck! I have a feeling you are much tougher than your b/f thinks you are. Go out and start again. This time succeed!
2006-12-09 03:12:05 · answer #2 · answered by delux_version 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I'm sorry about the tough times. Your boyfriend sounds like a selfish person, when his time got rough he went home to his parents but you can not do the same? Since you moved so far just to be with him, move back home and let him make the move this time. If he does not follow you is because the relationship was not good from day one and the best thing that can happen to you is to cut it off. If he truly loved you, he would have helped you when you hit rock bottom. But he didn't, and now he is putting pressure on you. I believe is time for you to put your foot down and think about yourself and your own welfare, is obvious he is not doing it, so you need to do it for yourself. Try to get any job, save as much as you can...sell your belongings and go home. Once there and with your family's help, get back on your feet and forget about the loser that ran to his mommy when you needed him the most. Think, it's not fair that in the name of "love" you are the only one that has to sacrifice. What about him? - Good luck to you. Sunny
2006-12-09 02:49:49 · answer #3 · answered by ~*~Sunny~*~ 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Hi honestly in my opinion if he really cares he would let you lead your own life and help you find work he had no job right and moved back home why doesn't he want you to do the same instead of you sinking deeper in debt one thing your parents will always be there for you but would he that's the question you need to ask your self how far will he go to try to help you I would say follow what your heart is telling you maybe you have to move or maybe something will give and you will find a job don't give up there's something out there for you but if you need your parents help take it there's always a way to pay them back when you get back on your feet so I would say follow your heart stay or go its only up to you and you never know whats around the corner waiting for you good luck and I wish you the best!!!
2006-12-09 02:53:41 · answer #4 · answered by ? 2 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Love isn't enough. This isn't a song, poem or a movie; this is real life. Pay your share of the debt, go home, get a plan and make it happen. It is actually quite simple, it just isn't easy. Sitting around for the next twenty days and waiting to be forced into a decision is the way that someone who 'lets life happen to them' as opposed to someone who takes action. Don't be a victim and take some control. You can always find ways to stay with your boyfriend if that's so important, but I'd bet that once you move out, he'd move on and that shows his character...selfish and unable to see the big picture of your future relationship.
2006-12-09 03:14:45 · answer #5 · answered by C_n_Dman 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
OK well what I think you should do is move back in with your parents for a while and get job to support yourself. For the boyfriend I think you should just call that relationship off because if he truly loved you he would let you guys move back into your parents house. I think that you should worry more about yourself then him right now. I think it is time for you to take a stand and see whta really matters because if he truly love you he would come with you so you guys have money to support yourself. So this is just my advice ditch the boyfriend i had one like that and was in the same position as you are and I am only a year out of High School and in College now. Just like god says follow you heart and do whats right for you. Their are plenty of fish in the sea and when you get back on your feet again maybe you will be out their dating again. You don't have to take my advice if you don't want to. If you have anymore questions that you would like to ask me e-mail as soon as possible.
2006-12-09 02:58:54 · answer #6 · answered by nonestopchick 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
He's playing games with you. "if you really love me you'll do what I want you to do" is not only rude and disrespectful, but it's manipulative and almost abusive. He might just be ignorant though. You could try the same game back, "if you love me you'll move out of state with me" and see if he's just terrible with relationships or trying to control you and isolate you from your family.
If he won't move, and you feel your family is your priorty, then leave. There will be other men. Find a man who has the same prioties in life that you do before taking it so seriously. Tell him that it's quite obvious that you two are not 'meant' for eachother. That you have a need to be with your family and not miles away in an awful city with an selfish and controling boyfriend. Not only that, but that you deserve to have it that way.
2006-12-09 02:50:24 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Water is thicker than blood...that's what I always think.Whatever happens to you, who is always there for you?It seems that your family loves you very much, to the point that they had let you move very far from them in the first place so that you can be with your bf.But they can also see that you're not living a stable life(the wish of every parent)and they want you to be safe.Your bf should have considered the fact that you've sacrificed a lot for him.why can't he sacrifice for you as well?isn't that what love is suppose to be?if living back with your parents can at least give you a better life before you get back on your own feet, then he should understand that.
relationship comes and goes, but family is family.
does he have a solution to the situation you both are facing?what can he offer for you?
2006-12-09 03:08:20 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
The same question can be approached to him. If he really loved you he would have stayed with you. At the present moment your in a bind and he is totally free of any bind your the one that is in debt at the moment what is he offering you.
Maybe it might be a good thing to reflect upon. If he is giving you ultimatums now what will come later. Your the only one that can see through this facade and at the same time, your left with the bills.
Why didn't he weather it out and stick with you instead of moving back home with his family. Go with your gut instinct. Go with your feelings. and do what you feel is the most advantageous to you.
If he really loves you then he will move out of state, and not make you stay where its not economically wise to remain.
I hope you remember to take care of YOU through all of this
I feel for you
Good luck
2006-12-09 02:47:55 · answer #9 · answered by Spirit_Rain_3-SunShineAries 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Face it head on! Your boyfriend is in a no lose situation. He moved back home, he is comfortable and secure. What type of love is this from him to you? Apparently you are the one that has to be the one to constantly give. He is a taker. Your parents are correct, move back home. Why go into major debt over a person that is obviously non supportive of you in any fashion. If he says if you go home that shows you do not love him and its over, consider this a lesson and move on quickly! I can see from his ways here why your family may not like this person. Think about this carefully as this is a one sided love
2006-12-09 02:54:34 · answer #10 · answered by chattylady47150 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I know it will hurt, but you will get over it. I would leave, you have to put yourself first, after all isn't he with his family? he is being unfair to you, if he loved you he would get a good job somewhere, and come and get you when he is stable. But he is living with his parents and expects you to weather this out?? Im sorry i am a little old fashioned when it comes to that, i still think the man should be the provider, i think women should have a job don't get me wrong, but the man still makes more money than a woman, proven fact. I hope things work out for you.
2006-12-09 02:51:13 · answer #11 · answered by sweetemtation_123 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋