I accidentally came across a note my wife was writing to herself about me. In that note she mentions 'I am confused. I don't want to stay and also I can't leave my kids (2 kids ages 5 and 2). Am I being unfair not to give this marriage a second chance. But he hurt me so much, I tried to make him appreciate me, but he did not. I am not sure if he loves me any more, he does not respect me and does not love me, no he loved me before but not now. And me, I love him for the kids but are not romantically in love with him. That love died....Is it wrong that i have found love elsewhere?"
I have just seen this note 2 hours ago and I just don't know what to do? Can you please advise
NB: We are currently travelling, are in a hotel and I just feel like screaming but I want to keep my mind straight. Please only serious answers. Email me also if your response is too long.
Thanks friends.
2006-12-09 02:29:07 · 16 answers · asked by jamesbond 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Ask her about it... That's all you can do.
2006-12-09 02:31:44 · answer #1 · answered by BORED AT WORK 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to first take a walk and clear your head. Now is not the time to go into this with her. If you tell her that you found the note she may be offended that you read something that was private to her. She may accuse you of being nosey, and someone reading your journal can be humiliating.
When you decide to talk to her, dont act angry. Calmly ask her is she is happy in the relationship, and what she would like to be different. Tell her what you would want the relationship to be. You could ask her for things that you could do to make her happy. Tell her you appreciate her and respect her. She may have just been having a bad day when she wrote the letter, and felt better after getting it on paper and off her mind. You cant be sure she wrote it hoping you would find it or not, so I would avoid telling her you found it at all.
Please don't scream and blame her. She can't help how she feels, but you can make her feel better by appreciating her and respecting her more. If she loved you once, she can again. Make her see you still love her. It is easy to fall out of love if you feel they don't love you anymore.
Good luck, I hope it works out.
2006-12-09 02:41:37 · answer #2 · answered by summertime 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Be open and honest, that really, really, is the best policy. Tell her you found the note by accident and let her know your bewildered and shocked etc. that you honestly didn't realize your relationship was in such a rut. Let her know that she can come to you with any problem so that you can try and resolve it. Be supportive not negative. The results will be so much better and where your traveling your away from everything maybe it's a good time to find out whats going on. You sound like you are using your wise mind and trying to keep calm. God bless you, not many men would. Good Luck :)
2006-12-09 02:53:22 · answer #3 · answered by lil_ms_flip67 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honestly, let her know you read the note. Tell her how you feel and that you think open communcation is better than her "journal." Let her know that you do appreciate her and that you are terribly sorry for the way you treated her. Let her know that you are willing to do anything to keep the marriage together. Be understanding, that is what your wife wants and needs. It is wrong that she "found love elsewhere," but you need to understand that she thinks you don't love her anymore. Try to rekindle the flame you two once had. If you cannot get over that she found someone else to appreciate her the way she wants you to appreciate her, then I suggest a seperation and shared custody of the kids. i am terribly sorry that you are going through this.
2006-12-09 02:39:41 · answer #4 · answered by KJ97Y100 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you were meant to find that note! She wants YOU to bring it up. This gives her an out saying You were at fault, You started this and You are the reason for her cheating. I would act like nothing was found. Nothing has happened, and no matter if you wake up in the morning with it glued to your head, don't show it's been recognized. When you get back home, get a lawyer and start divorce proceedings! Let her get THAT note! Listen, YOU didn't cheat, YOU didn't purposely DO anything to hurt her. You may be guilty of letting the love go cold in your relationship, but the one who discovers this is responsible to bring it up, not go cheating! Your marriage is over! Do not think that it's time to start picking up the pieces. The divorce will be ugly. She cheated on you! This alone should be enough to fuel your retribution! Get the house, kids, and everything else. Kick her cheating buns out! Note: If you allow the kids to go with her, you are letting your kids know that this behavior is acceptable! I was in your shoes. I got custody of my children and she paid me child support. She doesn't go one day without regrets. It's been over 20 years and she still regrets it!
2006-12-09 02:47:02 · answer #5 · answered by delux_version 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well we answering this do not have the entire situation. Apparently you have hurt her in the past which from what I read killed the romantic love for you, the in love part. It is unfair of her to stay with you just for the children, as well unfair to herself and unfair to you. You are the one aware of what led her to this point and how you hurt her. Screaming at her now would not enhance anything. This would be the time to sit down adult to adult and put all your emotional cards on the table. Suggest counseling as a unit; there are techniques counselors have to rebuild the once upon a time love. But if it is gone and she is finished there is nothing anyone will be able to do. At which point, and I am sorry for you, this is something you are going to have to learn from, never do in the future and end this chapter of your life. Move on to lifes new journey. Pain of heart break is horrid, know this first hand. I am sorry because you both are hurting. Stay calm and attempt a one on one conversation with her. Remember if you snooped around to find this letter, she is going to as well be mad that you invaded her space. If she left it where you could stumble on it, maybe this was her way of letting you know instead of telling you face to face. My friend, good luck!
2006-12-09 02:45:16 · answer #6 · answered by chattylady47150 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
a number of those solutions are somewhat harsh, hasn't this guy have been given sufficient on his plate? How far stepped forward is her Alzheimers? Is she in a house or residing with you? you have made a vow to her yet regrettably vows get broken each and all the time, does not make it precise although and that i do no longer think of its something you may settle on on per this bloody website! Did you ever talk something like this going on? have been you married a protracted time? Did you ever cheat on her? How might you experience if the jobs have been reversed? Does she have lucid moments? that's in basic terms too enormous a controversy for a call like that to be made genuinely. i'm hoping you will locate it in you to do the the terrific option factor for the two certainly one of you. God bless
2016-10-14 08:16:37 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
that sucks. Is there any truth in her statement taht you do not appreciate her? May not metion the note but take her out and talk to her about how your feeling about your marriage and her and make sure that she knows how much you love her and cherish her and that you want to work on not taking each other advantage anymore. Hope that helps some. Also may try some counseling.
2006-12-09 02:32:53 · answer #8 · answered by T C 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Look at yourself and consider what you've done. Maybe its true???
Well if it is, its not too late to try again. Pull her back to you...dont loose the fight. Start sexing up again, and buy her gifts and win her heart back.
You would feel hurt about the note, but would it be best to immediately make her run away? Or make her give you a second chance?
2006-12-09 02:38:22 · answer #9 · answered by rhea 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you have to keep a cool mind and try to work it. She is depressed that's why she is doing this. Do you see how guilty she is feeling? She feels like you don't love her anymore, that's why she feels trapped. Show her how much you love her, sit down and talk to her. She needs to know how much you care. We girls like to be told that we are appreciated. Talk to her and let her talk to you. It will work out. Tell her calmly that you found the note and you want to make it work because you do love her. I don't think she is actually in love with someone else. We girl try to find someone else to express our own frustration, nothing else.
Best of luck to you.
2006-12-09 03:27:39 · answer #10 · answered by Black 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't ever stay in a relationship for the kids, I did that and the children are the ones that always ending up getting hurt. My ex-husband put his recreational activities before me and the kids. He doesn't do anything for them I work part-time and take care of them myself. I am much happier without my husband, I realized I could take care of myself, I got stronger day by day. If you choose to leave, you will find strength in your children and family that you never new exited. But remember the children are the innocent ones........Not you or him always put them first.......
2006-12-09 03:04:31 · answer #11 · answered by */-Puss-n-Boots-/* 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋