Am I wrong?

Question

I'm not happy in my house. At all. I'm 14 and the oldest of two. My mom is so strict. She won't let me wear makeup everyday, only once or twice a week because she doesn' want me to get raped. And when she does, she always critisised it. I can't have a boyfriend until God knows when. I haven't seen a PG-13 moive. My dad wouldn't let me see Mrs. Doubtfire because he was afraid that I would become gay. There is always chores. My mom always complains that I don't fold the laundrey right, or I don't do this or enough of that. I'm not lazy. I do help. But after school, all I want to do is sit on my butt and do nothing for a few minutes.

I really cannot stand this anymore. I'm not happy. And then my mom keeps asking me if I'm depressed. Well. I wonder why.

Are my parents being too strict or is it just me?

Answer 1

talk to them. i agree that they are strict. but sit down and tell them how you feel. they will appriciate that you want to talk to hem. i am 13 i cant wear makeup at all, no bfs till 16, i just got my ears pierced on my 13th bday. trust me i know how you feel. just talk to them. tell em how you feel. i hope it works. i feel your pain. good luck!! :)

Answer 2

I understand that you're frustrated. Honestly, I do. But the thing is, your parents have the incredible responsibility of getting you ready for life in the real world when you're an adult. First of all, you should consider yourself lucky that they care.

I don't think wearing make up will get you raped, but you're only 14, hun...you don't NEED to wear make up everyday. And ok, I certainly can't say I understand the logic behind Mrs. Doubtfire making you gay. You're either gay or you aren't, a movie won't make you either way.

You want them to treat more like a grown up, right? So behave like one. Call a family meeting . Tell them you don't mind helping with the chores, but you'd appreciate a half hour or whatever after school to just unwind. Set up a chart with the chores you need to do on it. And remember TALK to them...don't shriek. Talk calmly and rationally.

Like I said, I know you're frustrated, but things could be worse. At least you have parents that care. A lot of people don't. And you know, when I was 14, I had just found out that my mom had brain cancer.

Good luck to you.

Answer 3

I think they might be a bit strict in regards to the movies and chores, and I'm not big on the whole religion thing (but to each his own). I do agree with them on the make-up rule (not b/c you'll get raped), but you don't need to wear any make up at your age. Natural beauty is the best! I'm sure you look fine with out make up. I didn't wear make-up until I was 20 years old, and only on special occassions. Seriously, don't start wearing make up everyday...you'll thank me for it later!

You sound like a reasonable person...talk to your parents about some of the rules that you feel are unfair. Don't do it when you're angry with them. Schedule a "meeting" with them and let them know how you feel, and why they should not be worried. Make a compromise...like you won't wear make-up until you turn 16 if they let you watch PG-13 movies with your friends.

Answer 4

I know that at 14 it is really hard to understand, but your parents are doing the best they know how. If they didn't love you so much, you would be able to do whatever you and and run wild. They are trying to show you that life as an adult is NOT EASY!!! Right now, you have all of these thoughts going through you that you can't understand. Please try to remember that your parents were 14 once, and they remember it like it was YESTERDAY! I promise you that they do, even though you can't see that right now. One day you will thank them for how they are now. They only want what is right for you.

I was raised quite the same way you are. I am now 29 and a mother of my own. I am happily married, college educated, with a wonderful life. It is HARD being a teen! But you need structure in your life. With out it, who knows where you might end up.

I'm sure this is not what you anted to hear, but it's what you NEED to hear. They LOVE you!

Answer 5

I know you won't believe this -- but your mom and dad actually love you. It would be much easier for them to let you do whatever you want but they're concerned about your welfare and they want what's best for you. Again, you probably don't want to hear that, but you have to face it. THEY LOVE YOU!

But I do understand how parents can get. I was one, and I see what's going on with my own grandchildren. Parents are so busy and have so much on their minds. Sometimes they just don't realize there's a problem until you sit down with them and talk with them. So my suggestion is this:

In a polite way, tell them you have something you want to discuss and arrange a time when everyone can sit down peacefully and talk. Tell them -- calmly -- that after school you would just like a few minutes to gather your thoughts and rest a bit. Explain your reasons. Afterwards you could talk about your concerns with the laundry and ask why it's so important that it be folded correctly. But CALMLY. I'm certain they have a good reason. Ask them if you might be allowed to wear just lipstick of a pale color. I realize you feel ready for it all; the lipstick and mascara and what-not. And you may have girlfriends who are already wearing it. But your parents have the right to make this restriction. Don't fight them. Before long they'll see they're dealing with a young adult and not a child. IF you can talk with them CALMLY.

Just remember, they may not agree with you all the time and you may not agree with them. Life is give and take -- but when you learn to talk with them CALMLY, they'll begin to realize you're growing up and you can take on your share of responsibility.

Parents such as yours will appreciate your input as long as you give it respectfully.

Answer 6

Strict in the sense that you're far less free than your peers, creating a huge rift between what's considered normal in their lives, and the normal you live with.

Does it mean you're being harmed, or otherwise being stripped of the ability to grow into a perfectly functional member of society? No.

It sounds like your parents have a hard time communicating, and teaching you how to do the same, and to me thats the biggest wrong done against you. If they cannot communicate to you that they want you to try harder and to do your best, but instead put you down for what you do do, theyre creating a lack of confidence in you, and only harming themselves in the end.

I grew up in a rediculously strict home, I wasnt allowed to wear makeup, we couldnt afford real clothes (try fitting into middle or highschool wearing TWO pair of jeans all year, from walmart, and an handful of hand-me-down shirts from garage sales), I wasnt allowed to be in any after school activities, especially sports (mom said it wasnt lady like and i'd end up in trouble), I was nevera llowed to go to a school dance, not even my prom. I couldnt go anywhere with friends unless their parents were with us, and never in groups of kids, just one friend maybe two (we might get raped, or do something stupid), we couldnt listen to the radio, and we didnt have television. i raised my brothers, i had to be home for them every day after school, i cooked I cleaned... At the time It was hell, i really thought she was off her rocker.

It was so hard being so different from everyone else. but now that i look back on it, i had forgotten about all the good things. Like how i did miss out on the heartaches, the peer pressure, the trying to be the best, l was more mature than anyone else i knew, which made it easy for me to gfraduate early (at 16), Ive always been one step ahead.

And now that iam grown, i can make my own chioces.

It sucks growing up in such a strict house, but you really will survive it.

Answer 7

Annie, my 15 year old feels the same way you do. She is alowed to wear makeup only for special occasions, she can not date until she is 16 and we must meet her dates before she can go out with them, we monitor her TV because much of what is on is not fit for her to see, I also complain about how my daughter does her chores because I expect her to do them the way she ahs been taught to do them. You ae not alone my dear girl, my duaghter knows exactly how you feel, but all in all, she also knows we love her and wea re trying to prepare her for the day when she is on her own. Give mom and dad a hug today for caring enough about you to try to raise you in the right way. A lot of parents are too busy or too tired to care.

Answer 8

Although it may seem impossible for you to do this, with the way your parents are, you need to talk to them. Tell them you're responsible enough and they should trust their abilities as parents to know you'll make the right decision. Perhaps something happened to your mother that makes her think that way. Was she ever raped? I have to address that immediately. Regardless of how you look or act, you do not put yourself at risk of being raped. Women that are raped ARE victims and what happened to them was beyond their control. Some people can see a woman dressed plainly and want to hurt her; some people can see a woman dressed as skimpy as she pleases and only give her a passing glance. As for boyfriends, I agree you're too young for a date but a group date should be fine. It seems as you really have no one to turn to because your father seems very strict too. Watching a movie will not make you gay. You're going to be attracted to whatever you like regardless. For example, some women like buff guys, some like tall and skinny guys. They don't choose to like them that way, it's just the way the women feel. Same goes for homosexuals. Considering a lot of them live a horrible life because of their dating preferences, I don't think anyone would ever choose to be like that. You fall for whoever you fall for; love truly is blind. I think sometimes parents forget how hard their parents were when they were young. That's a bad downfall. You should talk to them and tell them they should not trivialize how you feel but understand it. Tell them to give you a chance to live, even if it's something simple like going to the movies alone. Tell them you have values that are not going to be corrupted by society. Most important of all, they need to understand you're being sentenced for crimes you haven't even committed, nor had the chance to commit. If they give you a little breathing room and you do something bad, that's one thing--but as it is now they're being a bit silly. Best luck--you truly need it! :)

Answer 9

They sound like they're a bit overboard. Have you tried joining some club at school? My son used to tell me, "Dad I'm bored." I'd tell him that only boring people are bore. So if you find yourself bored at home because of your parents, be creative and stop being bored. Create your own hobby. something you'll be proud of and something that your parents will also be proud of seeing in you. Sometimes in life parents are just left behind. If we wait for others to see the light, we'll never see it ourselves. Good Luck and Be consistent.

Answer 10

your parents are trying to set good moral values for you and to help you stay out of trouble, or even worse , but they should also give you some positive reinforcements as well when you do things right. if you want more freedoms, you might sit down with your parents, and calmly like a rational adult (which i assume is how you want to be treated) explain how you feel, and listen to what they have to say, then ask them what you must do to earn their respect and to earn new freedoms, when the time is right of course, you may just be surprised at the outcome !

Answer 11

Dang u do got strict parents!!!! Well sum of the things i see dat ur mom doesn't lyke u wearin make-up and u can't have a boifriend, ya mom is just tryin to care for u. Have u ever asked ya mom y she acts the way she does, mayb somtin happened to her when she was around your age or sumtin. Ya dad he's jus ridiculous u couldn't see ms.doubtfire mandats ubsurd well 4 ya dad jus try talkin 2 him or sumtin. but i'm 16 yrs of age and mi parents got rules and restrictions on me lyke i can't talk on the fone after 9pm during the skool days or i have to be n da house @ 830pm i understand where ya mom iz cumin 4rm but ur dad is crazie!! i hope i answered ya dilemma.......