Do you feel a sense of 'solidarity' in the gay 'community'?Are we preoccupied with sex?What are 'gay' values?

Question

*What 'binds' you to the gay scene? Friendship? Sex? Clubbing? wanting a 'boyfriend'?

*Have you met and stayed in contact with other gay men, made friends, despite there being no sexual attraction?

*How many of your current friends have you slept with when you first met them?

*How many of your 'flings' are you still in contact with and are you close to them today?

Answer 1

To me 'gay' solidarity is something of a myth, because it has to be more than sexuality that binds us together. Just because you and I are attracted to the same sex, doesn't mean that we are automatically friends. The idea of gay solidarity comes from those who feel persecuted or oppressed and feel that they need to gain some support from those around them in order to validate who they are.
The gay 'scene' for me was pure novelity I 'hit' the London scene when I was 15 and found I had this strange 'power' over men (not to appear too conceited) where my friend (who admitedly was much cuter than I) and I would go out and if we both 'fancied' the same guy we would place bets on who could pull first and invariably I won. On the scene I found a certain level of acceptance and found and met people who ordinarily I would never have mixed with. However like any novelity it soon wears off. You get cynical, I get bored easily by people and seeing similar patterns of behaviour repeating themselves in different places. "Same crap different place" kind of syndrome. I now find the scene as something I can take or leave.
As for sleeping with friends it has happened and invariably does! However I am a traveller at heat and not many follow when I feel it's time to move on, bar one, my current partner of over 9 years. I'm not loose or without morals, just very straight forward with people. If it's just sex I want that's all I ask for. I never imply committment or make anyone feel any different!

One of my flings will always be in heart as we played (unintentionally) a very stupid game of Russian roulette where we both 'scored' with brothers one of whom turned out to to be HIV positive and my 'fling' turned out to be the one with the loaded gun (so to speak) So I guess he became more than a fling for me as I realised how close to signing my own death warrant I had been and I kept close to him throughout the subsequent years of illness he went through.
There are many others some of whom have fallen by the wayside (thankfully) some of whom I wish I had kept in touch with, and two of whom I will always be friends with!

Answer 2

Hello. I would say that the binding goes back to birds of a feather flock together. We naturally want to be where " our kind" is to have a common ground. It doesn't work well placing an Eskimo in the desert so to say. I had hosted the largest " gay" parties in the NW Pennsylvania region for 6 years. We gathered in a small northwest town, which ironically is conservative. We started off with 12 than grew to 100 over the years. People traveled from all across the state. We became 1. We became friends and I don't recall sleeping with everyone or anyone, other than my partner of the time, after an all nighter. We didn't engage in 3somes or swapsies because it deteriorates a relationship. There are a few guys that I have slept with and still remain friends. I would say not including, dating and former lovers, I slept with a count of less than 2 hands. I still keep in contact with flings too. It is more important to have good acquaintances and friends than 30 Min's or whatever of pleasure. I hope I supplied valuable input

Answer 3

Any persecuted minority feels some sense of solidarity except for outriders who sell themselves to the majority in exchange for a modicum of false acceptance.

Gay males are no more preoccupied with sex than all males -- perhaps less so. Gay males HAVE more sex in most cases than straight males, but they are no more interested, it is simply more available.

That varies, as it does for every group not founded in an ideology but in some other immutable trait.

We are not particularly part of the "gay scene." We only go dancing three or four times a year. We do give some money to groups like the Pride Agenda and I have been involved in vigils for Ayaz Marhoni and Mahmoud Asgari, a young male/male couple (16 and 18 at the time of death) put to death by the government of Iran. Iran initially asserted they were killing the boys (and had tortured them 18 months at the time of death) because they were homosexual. Much of the world was quite upset by this, so they changed the reason for the murders twice -- the first time to the use of alcohol, and when that didn't work -- to a charge of rape, for which they never produced a victim, or the name of a victim. - but nevertheless effectively silenced the media.

Yes, I have met and stayed in contact with other gay men -- though most of our friends are straight we and I have close gay friends as well. I have no sexual attraction at all to any of our gay friends except two, and one of those only marginally.

I presume your next question refers back to the same gay friends you were talking about in the prior paragraph. If so -- none -- for that matter, I've not slept with any of them sexually, at all.

If you are defining "flings" in the "classic" sense, then I've never had a "fling" in my life, although I've had sex since a late 13 or early 14 (I don't remember which) its always been with close friends, or the four lovers I've had over the years -- the most recent one of which is still my partner, and probably will be for the rest of my life, we've been together for 15 years as of Jan. 2, 2006. So, here, since there are no flings, the answer is either 0% or 100% depending on how you count a zero therefore.

Which brings me to my question. What are you after? Your questions have been focused and direct -- not just this question, but all questions. I am forced to the conclusion that you are either very cynical, trolling for ammunition, or, just possibly, attempting to do some bizarre, and obviously tainted, since your pool is tainted, study.

Regards,

Reynolds Jones
[e-mail]
http://www.rebuff.org

Answer 4

* Do you feel a sense of 'solidarity' in the gay 'community'?
Yes I do.

* Are we preoccupied with sex?
No more then straight people are.

* What are 'gay' values?
I would say being open minded, accepting, and willing to learn. Obviously not everyone is this, but a value is an ideal.

* What 'binds' you to the gay scene? Friendship? Sex? Clubbing? wanting a 'boyfriend'?
Definately friendship. I only go to clubs, bars, parades, protests, etc with friends or to meet new friends.

*Have you met and stayed in contact with other gay men, made friends, despite there being no sexual attraction?
Yes, I have plenty of gay and lesbian friends whom I'm not sexually attracted to. In fact, I would say I'm not attracted to an overwhelming majority of my friends.

*How many of your current friends have you slept with when you first met them?
2. And one is my girlfriend so I'm not sure if that counts.

*How many of your 'flings' are you still in contact with and are you close to them today?
None. But then again, a lot of my "flings" have been straight girls and threesomes I hooked up with online in my old town, so I just don't cross paths with them much.

Answer 5

What binds me to the Gay scene is that these are my people. They are like me and probably went throught the same ISH I went through, or maybe even went through something like it.
I have met and stayed in contact with other gay men with whom I shared a friendship and no sexual attraction. I have maybe 3 current friends I still talk to that I had some sexual encounters with. I fell out with most of my abusive Flings, and wish not to talk to them ever if possible.

Answer 6

yes.i do feel that some not all are proccupied with sex which sucks.i don't think there are any gay values because in my experience it's been all about sex.i mean there is more to life then getting laid an being at the club all the time.well,it would be nice having a boyfriend,but what really binds me is the fact that i've never really had any gay friends that i actually,knew that were more then just aquaintences.

Answer 7

Isn't everone these days preoccupied with sex? I hardly doubt that being preoccupied with sex is specific to homosexuals. Is there any difference with sleeping with someone whom you first met whether you are gay or hetero? I am not gay but I would certainly appreciate if the gay population would stop thinking that they are really any different than any other people, gay or not. Why can't people just accept that there really is no difference. People are people, sex is sex, morals are morals. Just be yourself and stop worrying about sexual preference. Good Lord it is the 21st Century.

Answer 8

It somewhat appears like you've fallen for the conception that "that" stereotype of a gay human being is what a gay human being is meant to be. each and anybody is their personal human being. you've you ever're tastes and each and each and anybody else has their tastes. affirming that the outline you gave is what all gay adult males are meant to gown and act like is amazingly narrow. What about the gay adult males in Dallas Texas or Utah? Are they meant to adhere to the stereotype you suggested above or follow the country Western gay guy stereotype because they stay in that area? you slot on your human being tastes, don’t fall for the fake hype. the those who emulate some trend style will discover out somewhat right away that their outfits are out of want in a pair months. Then this is decrease back to spending more advantageous money. I advise, in case you do bypass out to bars or gay activities, commence chatting with distinct diverse human beings. you'll discover that, even although each and anybody is diverse you'll meet adult males similar adequate for your tastes and sweetness. ,

Answer 9

your question is going to get deleted. but there seems to be alot of sex