2 years ago i had a still born baby boy at 7months,looking for advise from similar situation or caring people?

Question

my partner & I trying to conceive for 8 yrs we finally received the best news i was preganent we were so happy,all check ups fine,At 16 weeks one night i was sitting on my bed doing a jigsaw puzzle & my waters suddenly broke,i screamed my partner ran in & called 000 delaying their instructions we waited for the ambulance stay calm & hope for the best,i was taken to our local hospital transfered from there to a more advanced hospital where i spent 2 months with the doctors not evening knowing what was going to happen as my waters had broke but i was not dilalating & had blood spotting,so was not allowed to go home.6 months now & was tranfered again to a hospital that has correct facilites for pre-mature babys.3 weeks at that hospital(3 months in hospital now)was injected with a steriod 2hrs later i had a breached dry birth,(stillborn) cervix cut no pain releife,scars now, every day i ask myself questions why my waters broke/was it the steriod given? will i ever stop wondering & hurting

Answer 1

http://www.justmommies.com had a excelent bereavent board. There is alot of caring understand woman who can answer your questions and give a shoulder. I am sorry about your loss.

Answer 2

I had a stillborn daughter almost 6 years ago I was 35 weeks pregnant I too tried to get pregnant for a long time about 7 years to be exact there didn't seem to be any complications except I was so sick all the time I will always remember the night she died she was kicking and moving like I had never seen before at that time I thought she was just very active I didn't know she was struggling and then my stomach jerked real hard I knew it was strange but I didn't know my baby was dead til the next day I gave birth to her and she was so precious they said there was a knot in the cord I accepted that now again almost 6 years later a doctor studied my medical history and said I have a blood disease that causes my blood to clot and that was the true reason my daughter died and It can happen again I'm having to take heparin 2 shots a day with my pregnancy now I never thought it could happen again things are going to get better but you'll always remember and always have regrets unfortunatley I always thought if I didn't lay on my side before she died if I stayed sitting up she'd be here you'll remember the day off and on you might even dream about it I dreamed once I was having babies and everytime I had one the baby was dead and the dr would say well this one's dead let's see if the next one is you'll eventually be ok but it will always stay with you. I go to my daughter's grave every sunday and bring her flowers because that's all I can do for her

Answer 3

Sadly sometimes roses are plucked too young without being given a chance to grow. I am very sorry for your loss but you must understand that nothing was your fault, nor was it the fault of the doctors. I am sure they knew what they were doing in trying to help the baby. The fact is infections and death can result to your water breaking, including the fact it's more likely for there to be a bowel movement in utero. For your water to break, there had to be a tear in the bag of waters--it isn't likely that a steroid caused that. Although the scar of losing a baby will never completely heal, and from time to time you'll find it will break and bleed once again, you will overcome this. I also lost a baby this April. I would rather it have been the 9 weeks I was pregnant rather than to find out my baby was too weak to exist outside of the womb whenever he/she was born. That's the fact of it--the child wasn't strong enough because he/she didn't develop properly. There could have been something small that was overlooked during the exams. Even if you have endometriosis, which is something you may want to get tested for, it's not your fault that you were born like that. As complex and wonderful as babies are, sometimes things can go wrong.

Answer 4

Honestly, you will never stop wondering or hurting. I did not go through a similar situation but my aunt did. She went full term and was even 2 weeks overdue, and when she was induced, labor was fine, no problem at all. When the baby was delivered he was still born. Since then, anyone in the family that has given birth to a little boy was not to name their child Anthony for that was the name of her little boy. 2 Years later she was pregnant again. This time it was the same, 2 weeks overdue, no complications, and when David was born, his lungs werent fully developed, but luckily this time, they were able to save this little boy. She still to this day hurts and thinks about it. I know first hand that Steroids would not cause anything but strength for an unborn child. Last year I went into preterm labor with my first little boy and they gave me 2 shots of steroids because they were having a hard time stopping the contractions, but eventually they did, and when I delivered, he came out strong enough to hold his own head up by 2 days old. You were probably dehydrated, that does cause contractions and your water to break. Sorry if this doesnt help you much, but I tried

Answer 5

I am sorry to hear of your loss.

It is heartbreaking and tragic to lose a child at any age or stage of pregnancy. I lost a son who was six years and 10 months old. That was 18 years ago and it still hurts. I still long to hold him again. I still miss him very much.

Grief is a process that goes on and when you get through the initial stages of grief there is still this piece of you that hurts and always will.

Grief involves stages of disbelief, anger, frustration, questioning, sadness, lonliness, isolation, fear, and many other emotions. Grief gets in the way of life but is in itself a part of life. One day you get to the point when life gets in the way of grief, there are things to do and people to see and so the grief is set aside just a little while you get on with life. It is not unusual to even feel guilty about setting the grief to one side while you go through the motions of doing what must be done. One day you will get to the point that you can do more than just go through the motions of each day. One day the grief will take up less space in your life and you will find that you are becming okay with setting the grief aside a little more for a little longer.

It is generally accepted that the first two years of grief is the hard stage when things tend to be very intense. Then you work through some of the feelings and the intensity lessens.

For me when I lost my son I was injured in the same accident which delayed my grieving process and my daughter was injured too which meant my focus was on caring for her so my grieving process was delayed even further. It would not be too far wrong to say it was more like five or six years before the intensity lessened for me.

Asking questions is normal, every kind of question from "Why me? WHy my baby?" to "Whose fault is it?" to "Will I ever feel anything like normal again?"

If you feel that for you the feelings are still very intensse after 2 years then I would advise you to find a really good grief counsellor. One you feel comfortable with that you can talk through your thoughts and feelings. You will be amazed at how the many things you think are signs of your own special kind of madness are actually normal stages o grief and what you are experienceing are normal responses to an abnormal situation. I don't say abnormal in a negative sense but more that losing a child is Not how the story goes when you think about being a parent or when you set out to be a parent it is Not the norm to lose a child *(norm of course meaning the generally accepted ideals of a perfect situation which of course very few people ever have.)*

Sadly many thousands of people have lost infants and children and so there are many thousands of people who can relate to the feelings and experiences you are having. Do reach out.

The SIDS (Sudden Infant Death Syndrome) organisation here in Australia has a lot of information about the loss of a baby and I think they also offer some guidance and counselling. There assistance is not limited to the parents of infants who have died of SIDS but rather is available to anyone who has lost an infant.

Hang in there....

Answer 6

You are not wrong for that rule... When I had my son in 2007, I made sure everyone washed their hands, and even had hand sanitizer close just in case... I was the same way, over protective, but germs make anyone sick so dont worry... And it is a silly reason to break up, but he should understand and not think it is a funny rule... I am being induced next friday with baby #2, and you can bet I will be doing the same thing again with washing hands rule... Good luck and congrats~!!!

Answer 7

I'm sorry to hear that yes you will get over it as time goes by sometimes that happens no can really tell why sometimes
try again give your mind time to heel everything will be alright when you have a baby youll see
good luck

Answer 8

my daughter. lost a baby at birth, I wish she was here to talk to you. I hope I never lose a child before I go. I feel for you but I can no way understand what you are going through. because it has never happened to me. join a group or maybe a nice person here will be able to talk to you about having the same thing happen to them. good luck

Answer 9

it will stop hurting and it wasnt your fault or thiers. sometimes things dont go right. there may have been sometihng wrong with the baby and its was your bodies way of stopping it getting worse.dont blame your self. if you want to have kids just give it ago dont be afraid. things will go good. just remember that what ever goes wrong is for the best. just keep looking ahead.hope everything is good for you. lots of luck

Answer 10

I am so sorry for your loss. I had my stillborn son 71 days ago. My heart is with you. If you want to talk, please feel free to email me..
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Again, I am so sorry.