2006-12-08 22:51:13 · 10 answers · asked by tunachunks199 1 in Social Science ➔ Psychology
Because you aren't setting any boundaries. Case in point: I worked as a PA for a CEO. He hired a man who was "nice" and sociable but quite lazy. He came to work after his interview and had the arrogance to go up to the CEO's personal assistant (me) and claim how "oh, you'll be seeing me again" "I think the jobs in the bag", etc.....The next week, the guy shows up and tries to sweet talk me into doing a stack of typing (he obviously doesn't know what a PA does!). I asked him, point blank and put him on the spot; "Don't you have a computer". He was really vague and made his excuses and left my desk.
Later, I took my CEO into an empty room and asked: "What are the boundaries as far as this new guy is concerned?" He said: That is interesting that he would ask you to do some typing since he doesn't start the job for another month!
Well, after I made it clear that this new guy is going to have to pull his finger out and actually work, he hasn't bothered me and knows better than to approach me unless it's in a sensible, reasonable manner.
There are ways of putting bullies in their place. Don't get drawn into a "tennis match" with them going back and forth. Just get on with your work and the people who matter will see that.
Usually when a person is bullied, it is because they are strong in their field but don't have the confidence in their abilities. Weaker people pick up on that and instead of learning from a more capable person, they try to bring them down to their pathetic level.
Remember that you only live once and there are so many jobs out there. You just have to believe in yourself and others won't even attempt to tear you down.
2006-12-09 04:59:43 · answer #1 · answered by KD 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Could it be that you bend over backwards to get along with others? If so, that's a big part of the problem right there. Yes, you have to be civil in the workplace, but you don't have to make everyone think you like them. Not saying you are, but just a thought.
Also, I'd be willing to bet that you are a hard worker - one of those who sees something that isn't right, knows how to make it right and takes ownership of the problem. If that's the case, there's nothing wrong with you, it's the fact that others see this in you. They take it for granted and that's just wrong.
Here's what you do the next time you feel like you're being bullied, or buttons are being pushed. Say you see something that needs to be taken care of, but you either intentionally don't do it, or just haven't gotten to it yet and a coworker tells you to get it done. Why not simply say I'm busy at the moment - I realize I usually do take care of things like that, but why don't you do it today. Or tell them sure - why not help me get this done real quick? If they tell you they don't get paid to do that, you can tell them it's in everyone's job description to make a place as safe / clean / work efficient as possible. Let them know in a polite way that you are done with their crap. It may take a while to break them of it, but don't back down. As long as you aren't being nasty about anything, what can they do?
Good luck... don't take it anymore, if you have children, stop and ask yourself if they would want to see you take that crap. Remember, children inevitably pick up our traits, so if you're a pushover, they will be too - if you are strong willed and a leader, you may have the next president on your hands!!!
2006-12-09 07:17:34 · answer #2 · answered by Nicole 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
When you are at work there is always the thought that if you do just the slightest thing out of line, be it intentional or not, you could get fired. You might not be consciously thinking this but somewhere in you subconscious it's lingering. Where as out side the work place your limits are wider and the chances of any repercussions are less so it gives you a considerable more freedom to defend yourself. Also at work you are surrounded by co-workers as to a social situation it would be friends whom you probably feel are more likely to stand behind you.
2006-12-09 06:56:47 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
This sometimes happen to me. We are all completely aware of what are duties are but at times there is always someone who thinks that there way is better and that can show signs of insecurity in that person . We can control what happens in our home most of the time. Just stay calm. I confronted a person the other day about the same thing and she didn't even realize that she was bulling me.Now my work place is a happy place.
2006-12-09 07:14:24 · answer #4 · answered by All yours 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You allow yourself to be.
Simple.
The problem you may have is that you may view work in a subservient way. Insomuch as you know your place and will do whatever is asked of you so as not to rock the boat. And upset your bosses.
You can still do this without appearing to be a 'walkover', because that is exactly how others view you, if they know they can get away with it.
You need to learn how to walk proud and feel good about your own efforts and stand up to these people.
No is a very powerful word. Start learning how to use it.
2006-12-09 07:04:03 · answer #5 · answered by Moorglademover 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It's because you're in a hierachy in work, there are people in positions of authority over you that they wouldn't be in outside work.
This means that people can abuse their power over you and, if you don't do what they say, they can bully you, knowing that their bosses will most likely back them up as they are "superior" to you.
Most companies don't want to know if you report bullying as they don't really care about their workers. They just want them to shut up and do what they're getting paid for.
2006-12-09 06:58:50 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Perhaps you are too acommodating, causing people to take advantage. Or perhaps you come across as weak and vulnerable.You need some assertiveness training, to learn to set limits and make them stick. I'm not talking about being agressive and confrontational; assertiveness training helps build your self-confidence and teaches you how to handle situations like this.
2006-12-09 07:11:48 · answer #7 · answered by anna 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i think maybe we have to work with some abusive folk through no fault or choice of our own, but we can choose who we associate with out of work.
2006-12-09 06:59:10 · answer #8 · answered by swot 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
If your work is good then you will never get bullied.
2006-12-09 06:59:52 · answer #9 · answered by Emmanuel H 3 · 0⤊ 3⤋
not married then?
2006-12-09 06:54:28 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 3⤋