I was engaged to a man that was also engaged to anothr woman. H eventually broke off our marriage only to turn around and perform a quick civil marriage ceremony with her. My ex-fiance continued "dating" me after his marriage to her. Now that I have discoverd about his affair and also marriage, I feel I should go to her and tell her. I am driven by the compassion toward protecting another woman's inevitable pain. It is then up to us women to make our own individual choice as what to do next once we can see both sides of his game.. PS We were together 4+ yrs and they were together one month before they ran off to get married! I do know she made him sign a pre-nuptual agreement that has an Infidelity clause. Apparently this happened to her in her first marriage.
2006-12-08 22:32:55 · 11 answers · asked by Lisa 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I am speaking from experience. There is no point in telling her. He will lie about it and she will believe him. He obviously didn't want to be you are he would have married you. I am not trying to be hurtful, I am trying to save you the pain I am having right now. I was with him three years and in the end it didn't matter. Like you if he had wanted to be with me he would have left her along time ago. Hang in there you will meet someone that loves you and wants to be with you, you deserve so much better. Let go and start healing - the longer you wait the harder it will be.
2006-12-08 22:54:25 · answer #1 · answered by Redhead 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
First I think it is a NONEYA. NONE of your business. It sounds like you are seeking revenge more than anything else. The problem isn't yours anymore as you and he are NOT together anymore. I don't see you caring about her as you don't even know her. Move on with your life and forget him. NOW if he and this is IF he contacts you again then I'd say get in touch with this woman (his wife) and let her know EVERYTHING that went on and the fact that he has contacted you. You would at this point be a better person and be above this low life excuse.
2006-12-08 22:47:40 · answer #2 · answered by GRUMPY 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you don't find a way to let her know, you'd be keeping her in the dark and not allowing her to make up her own mind about whether she would go or stay. If she had all the facts and decided to go, by not telling her who knows how much of her life you'd waste.
2006-12-08 22:42:00 · answer #3 · answered by carokokos 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would comfront her in person if possible with proof (pics), maybe confront them together. If you don't have pictures then just confront them.
That would be more effective then on the phone.
I would definitely want to tell her though.
2006-12-08 23:33:05 · answer #4 · answered by LC 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'd stay out of it & let it go. Let her find out on her own if he confesses to her. There's marriages out there w/infidelities & that's their business. As long as your not contributing by helping someone cheat (giving alibis, etc.- if a person is they should stop.) or cheating with a married person -if a person is they should stop. I'd say don't concern yourself. {hug}
We can better ourselves & let others better themselves on their time, too. :)
Some say you should call her up & some say she might not believe you. What if she does (believe) but forgives her husband. If you were looking for revenge, that might upset you more. Try to move on like he has....
Kathy Lee Gifford & her hubby... Remember how her DH cheated on her & he was being supposively set up? They got it on tape to hurt Kathy Lee. I believe that LADY who jumped his bones to try & destroy someone else's life will eventually have ILL WILL come back to bite her in her behind. They say what goes around comes around. Alot of us can admit to seeing that there seems to be some sort of truth to that. I don't know why there are people out there that are soo obsessed with "ill will." They truely can't find anything else out there that's more worthwhile? Or is it some sort of spare time fun they can't live without?
You say you are driven with compassion for this woman? Does that mean you have had a change of heart? (cuz you didn't feel that way while you were sleeping with her husband for however long.) It's very commendable that/if you've had a change of heart. Please do not be vindictive towards the man. Just because you had a change of heart & virutes before he did, doesn't mean he has to start when you do. You were allowed to stop on your own time, too. We must forgive others their sins so that ours may be forgiven. You are guilty of it, too. He didn't force you to keep dating him after he got married. Why do you say he continued dating you instead of you continued dating him after you knew he belonged to some other woman -w/o empathy for her. I'm trying to say this in a loving way. I am Christian & the Lord's Word tells me to bring back the erroring one. I just want to help you be peaceful with others & forgive others so that you may be forgiven. I hope you have asked God into your heart & have confessed things such as these and asked Him to forgive. And thank Him for Christ's atonement on the cross so that you may go boldly to Him in prayer & do this. Peace, Blessings & Love thru Christ! {hug}
I believe people sometimes need bluntness to help them see things in a different light. Like, sometimes peole think certain things are cool, but then if they're talked about or given an ugly stigma or mental picture they may see them differently. A different example would be that there's alot of people caught up in habitual lieing -think it's cool & clever to be making stuff up, etc. They get encouraged by others because others laugh or make them feel cool for it. When, if they had people dissing it & putting it in the unattractive light it is, maybe it could help encourage others in the right way & not the wrong way. Kinda off your subject, well, maybe not, cause I bet there was lieing involved to carry on an affair, huh? Thanks for posting this question as it may help others, too!
*Remember that godly sorrow which produces repentance leads to salvation! God cares most about the prospering of our souls. :)
2006-12-08 22:37:20 · answer #5 · answered by Nocine 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well first thing to do, if you haven't already, is to dump the loser. Then contact the other lady and inform her of what he has been doing. You will save her a lot of future pain, and it will be easier to get through it at an early stage for her. This clown needs to be exposed for what he is doing to you ladies.
2006-12-09 01:27:02 · answer #6 · answered by jerrycarr99029 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Just stop seeing him. He is married now. Let him live his life and you live yours. Telling his current wife will only cause everyone problems, stress etc.
2006-12-08 23:54:54 · answer #7 · answered by d b 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have no guarantee that she will believe you and he will make himself out to be the victim. Forget telling her anything, you have a life to live and can live it well without him in it.
2006-12-08 23:37:52 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't do it. Just wash your hands of him and be glad you didn't marry him. If you tell this women you will be intentionally hurting her and that is not compassion toward her.
2006-12-08 22:35:47 · answer #9 · answered by Buttons 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I, yes would go to her. A matter of fact, I'd be sitting there when he came home.
IF we can't be human beings to our own sex, why should we let the oppisit sex use us, belittle us and play games?
YES go to her. He doesn't deserve either of you and just think...........you may make a new friend in her.
2006-12-08 22:36:52 · answer #10 · answered by peggin_beast 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋