Is it classified as being unfaithful if I were to be talking to a female on the other side of the worl via email, if my partner did not know about it?
Well she discovered that I have been chatting (innocently enough) with someone, and now i feel awful..as rightly i should for not being open and honest. But i really didn't feel like i was doing anything wrong.
2006-12-08 21:36:45 · 27 answers · asked by Cy 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
i should say that, in response to some queries.
a)the person in question is in america
b)she does know about my family
c)there has not been anything other than banter, and a friendly conversation
d)i guess i should have told my wife, but sometimes, i felt the need to talk to a friend.
2006-12-08 21:48:29 · update #1
I would have no problem with that whatsoever if my finace told me about it. I have male online friends and they even have seen pictures of me and my fiance. My fiance knows about them and even has said hello online. I WOULD have a problem if he did it and tried to hide it from me even if it was innocent because I would wonder what else he would hide. I also would have a problem with it if the person he was talking to had an interest in him.....or if he was spending all his time talking to the online friend and ignoring me.
It is simple...you should have told her. If she has not had any other reason in the past to mistrust you then she would not have a right to be bothered by it.
2006-12-09 10:21:13 · answer #1 · answered by xovenusxo 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Being unfaithful or cheating doesn;t always mean having sex cyber or otherwise with someone else.. There is emotional cheating...
You stated you felt awful because you were not open and honest with your wife... Then immediately try to spin it into but I don;t feel I did anything wrong... You can't have it both ways..
Yes you should have been open and honest with your wife from the beginning, because you felt the compulsion to hide your chatting you were emotionally cheating even if nothing happened... I think you already realize this and you are looking for a way to spin it differently...
What the other woman knew or didn't know is irrelevant what your wife knew and didn't know is all that matters and your wife didn't know about your chatting...
Yes you should have told your wife instead of hiding your actions... While you say nothing happened something did happen you hid something from your wife, you hid it for a reason, and you have now been caught... Fess up to it, your wife feels she has been cheated on not because of something that was said but because you were secretive about it...
2006-12-08 21:59:50 · answer #2 · answered by Diane (PFLAG) 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
There is no W3C 'infidelity' classification. HOYEVER.
The answer is within you - were you flirting or chatting? Chatting, having other friends, having corners of your life that are not thrown open to your partner or shared is a healthy part of a relationship - you can end up feeling that no part of your life belongs exclusively to you if you 'share' everything with an inquisitive partner. Some partners use knowledge as control and want to know everything about your life. But your love relationship is not the only one in your life - I have friends I want to see on my own, and activities I do without my partner (mainly climbing).
But if you are flirting (properly - a little flirting is a good thing) and keeping the chat secret because you thought it might become something more, your heart will tell you it was wrong. So, don't be browbeaten into giving up all your privacy - but you must be completely honest with yourself about what you were up to.
2006-12-08 21:46:39 · answer #3 · answered by Daniel J 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Depends how close you and your wife are. In your case I would sayno. A few years ago I had a girlfriend. I told her I was joining Friends re united to try and contact old school friends. She flew into a rage saying that too many people found other women by doing that. Fair enough I said but I went to an all male school. That did not appease her. We split up just after that. Four years later I am still on the site but have made no contact with anyone yet.
2006-12-08 21:40:37 · answer #4 · answered by Closed Down 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your wife is probably upset because you find it maybe easier to chat with someone else than her. You should consider your wife as a friend too. If you're feeling guilty maybe the chatting your having with this other person is not as innocent as you make it out to be. Of course, you are entitled to have friends and if you love your wife, she shouldn't feel threatened by it. Your wife is probably asking herself why you felt you had to keep this friendship a secret!
2006-12-09 11:04:19 · answer #5 · answered by Stef 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If your wife kept a secret e-mail friend of the opposite sex in another country from you and you found out how would you feel? If that would be alright with you, then you need to communicate the boudaries and privaleges you both expect in your marriage. Remember deciet rarely helps, because when found out it makes matters worse. I believe if you are to have a female frind anywhere, that person needs to also be your wifes friend too.
2006-12-08 22:58:25 · answer #6 · answered by MeToo 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
not doing anything wrong if it was just innocent chat babe.
I would not have a problem with it unless my husband spent all his spare time talking to the girl. Nothing wrong with having friends of the opposite sex.
Healthy I think.
Next time tell your partner tho so there are no misunderstandings!!
2006-12-08 21:40:30 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why should you even feel that you've been unfaithful. Friendship and honest open conversation should not be limited only to your spouse or a friend of the same sex. It sounds like you've been made to feel that you've done something wrong.
2006-12-09 13:07:33 · answer #8 · answered by janel1844 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If your online chats have truly been as innocent as you tell us, then there is no problem. What you haven't told us is whether you've told your online friend that you are in a relationship. If you have told her, then you shouldn't have a problem proving your "innocence" by inviting your partner to observe one of your online chats with your cyberpal.
2006-12-08 21:45:45 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
yes I'd be extremely hurt at theat too
any intimacy be it verbal or pysical is cheating in my book
your wife/partner should be number 1 and you should avoid any meaningful relationship with another woman
if you think sahe'll go for it why dont you introduce your wife to your online friend and chat together or else just stop it's not fair and demeans your wife
it makes her feel you need someone else
2006-12-08 21:48:16 · answer #10 · answered by That 70's Show Gal 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋