Why do you tell ugly kids they are beautiful?

Question

No seriously. You're not really building their self esteem or confidence if it's a lie. You're not doing them any favors. So, why do you do it?

By the way, I am speaking of ONLY the outside looks, not inner beauty and character traits since I know everyone has beauty inside of them. This is strictly of an appearance matter.

Answer 1

because everyone is different. because everyone has something that makes them beautiful on the outside. a look, smile, eyes, and lots of other things. we may not all be beautiful to every ones standards, but we are all beautiful in our own way. and it is only our way that makes us a shining star to every one else.

Answer 2

Many people have a belief happening. A child thinks he is smart therefore he is smart, or beautiful etc. I believe this belief is right. Its the method many people use to encourage this, that is faulty.

I don't give false compliments. It seems to me you cause damage to a person. Lying to a person does not build self esteem. I have seen people living their lives with the false confidence this builds, and its not pretty. It's not stable because it isnt real. Better to give the child lots of love and affection, praise when praise is due, let the child know he or she is loved and worthy.

When the child feels loved, you bring out the beauty, and one day you might be able to say in all honesty, you are beautiful.

Answer 3

You must have children to understand. Also beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Strengthening inner beauty is not lying to them. It would be the same as if I were teaching my child to not like someone from a diffrerent race. "I'm sorry, you're ugly." is the same as "I'm sorry, you're ____ (fill in the racial slur)". In the industry I am in I have met not-so-pretty people that became beautiful the more I TOOK THE TIME TO KNOW THEM and flip-side also met people that were gorgeous and got uglier the longer I knew them. Also if you blow all this away People Mag has an issue out THIS WEEK on 'Before they were Stars' and some of them were not so cute too. Everyone has potential. It is not anyone's right to take that away from a child.

Answer 4

Maybe because people have their own reasons. Maybe, to them, that really is what beautiful looks like. Just because you or I think a kid is ugly doesn't mean he is; some other person may think otherwise. I think that if you're going to have to tell a kid he/she's beautiful, teach them to think not only of the outside but of the inside as well. And maybe, I guess, tell them what really is physically beautiful, but teach them not to care so much, because that's not really what's important.
^_^

Answer 5

So that they can have a reality check crisis! You should really not tell ugly kids they are beautiful or they won't trust you! To what extent you will go to "please" them, or to superficially patch them up and say, "There! You aren't bad...really"? I think we need to build on their strengths (intelligence) and even if they aren't that intelligence, we need to build good thinking skills so that they will be good thinkers.

You build nothing when you tell them deceitful little "white lies". You don't build rapport (they know you're lying, and they know the truth). You don't build trust (why can't you just accept they're ugly and deal with them honestly). You don't build their self-esteem (self-esteem is hard won by their achievements, not on appearances anyway).


So why do it? Because they don't know better. They assume whatever mom/dad tells them, their kids are gonna take it as fact. In fact, kids are far more perceptive than that and begin to distrust them in teenage years, when ironically, they need parents most.

Answer 6

I think there're at least 2 or 3 reasons,

1. They're human beings like us, they deserve reasonable praises once in a while, everyone receiving them simply appreciates such kind words,
2. Psychologically speaking, every kid, ugly or beautiful, needs wise encouragement so that they feel secure and ready to be friendly to people like normal ones around them,
3. It's a gesture of kindness and good manners, in other words, there's not any harm doing so. The point is it will gradually enliven/enlighten their lives and we lose nothing for doing so.

Answer 7

ZJ CUBE, If I have to take body part by part , comparing kids , would you say the ugly kid`s hands are ugly? Or the legs? Or the heart? Or... or...or. Which PART of the ugly kid , as you say , is contributing to YOUR calling him/her ugly? Would you be able to pinpoint it? No. The imprinted images of hyped up beauties make you condemn one or the other.

If I say someone is beautiful I really mean it. May be I am seeing in them things that you donot see. May be.

Let me say this with an open mind. If , say, i am considered handsome by the likes of you and .... this evening I have an unfortunate fire accident with many of my body parts and face charred , do I become suddenly ugly? Just some external parts of the body and here I am condemned ?

When someone is saying good words to kids less endowed with good featues they are showing EMPATHY. That is a great thing.

Answer 8

Well, i believe that every human is beautiful in different ways, so its not a lie. It actually might be letting them know that beauty is not determined by physical means always, or that beauty is perspective and that physically they are beautiful if people just see them that way, there is no general scale that can determine beauty, it is always on an individuals bais.

Answer 9

we went through this with black education so they could believe in them selves it was becoming quit apparent that discrimination was stigmatizing the whole race and was our responsibility to change what could only be the right thing to do even though we were never seriously involved in racism our own life time but inherited it from the ravages of educated guilt complexes that were thrown at us if we didn't so here we are again and it is going to be the judgment of Americans to find someway to like the pygmies coming to get the jobs other Americans didn't know they were loosing so what else is new, with out money we all look ugly

Answer 10

First off I am sorry your parents lied to you so long. Its to boost their self esteem. Eventually they find out on their own they aren't that good looking but it helps to know they are loved by someone even if its a lie. Personally I don't tell any kid they are beautiful that's their parents' job.