my husband and me been married for 15 years. we have had
some real bad rough marriage. we go out i can not drink because of my liver, then he drinks and gets so drunk. Then we fight because we ran into the girl he made out with 9 months ago, she was there and he looked at her i got mad and told him not tobut yet he still wants to go where she goes why and now he wants a divorce then he calls me bad names. I GUESS SHE HAS THE LAST LAUGH NOW. I CAN NOT STAND IT NO MORE EVERTHING IS FALLING APART. WE TRIED TO WORK IT OUT BUT I DO NOT THINK IT IS GOING TO, I LOVE HIM BUT DOES HE LOVE ME OR WHAT?
2006-12-08 20:57:32 · 27 answers · asked by may s 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
i suggest you give each other space first. a trial separation if you would call it that. try not to think about how he feels about it, or how the other girl would look at it. focus more on how you would feel if you and him are divorced - whether you love him enough to hold on to what you had or whether it's time for you to let go.
good luck!
2006-12-08 21:15:44 · answer #1 · answered by Bubuchachum 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Actually he probably has grown tired of you and now instead of loving you he has taken up a love affair with alcohol. This marriage cannot be repaired, not through any fault of yours, but because he just doesn't want it to. So don't be mistaken. You will end up having the "last laugh" as there is nothing funny about being involved with a drunken alcoholic sot. That girl he cheated on you with will end up laughing out the other side of her face. The sooner you get the divorce the sooner you can get on with your life. Be sure to sue for any entitlements that may be your due. 15 years is a long stretch to invest in a marriage, so he owes you for the pain and suffering you have endured because of him. You are going to be so much happier being out from under this philandering abusive monster. In the end you will be able to live a sober decent existence unshackled by trying to love someone who is incapable of love and neither appreciates you nor deserves you.
2006-12-09 05:35:20 · answer #2 · answered by quantumview 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You husband continues to say and do the things he does because you allow it..
As long as you are willing to lay down and play the part of the doormat don't be surprised if you get walked on...
You need to decide if you want to continue in the fashion you have been or not once thats decided you need to take actions...
Ask yourself some really tough questions..
Are you being treated in the manner you should be? (A good way to judge this is would you be happy if someone treated your daughter they way you are being treated)
Do his words and actions show love? (From what you described they do not)
Are you really in love with him or afraid of the unknown? (My guess would be afraid of the unknown)
You already said you can't stand it anymore you have answered your own question now you need to formulate a plan of action to extract yourself from the situation.. It will be hard and there will be rough patches but can it be any worse than marriage to a man who does not respect your feelings, you body and your marriage? I say you would be better off getting out and finding true happiness instead of settling for and empty marriage any longer..
2006-12-09 05:21:59 · answer #3 · answered by Diane (PFLAG) 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He may still Love you in some way but he definately doesn't respect you anymore. He sounds like he feels his feels are worth more than yours. It wa shim that betrayed you so why should you be punished for it? I sure you have enough just by finding out what he had done. I'm really sorry and its not the best time of year to say this but i think you desevre to be somewhere that you can be loved again for you without the mental abuse. You sound like a lovely caring woman who just wants to be loved. I know its been a huge portion of your life that you have spent with him but why put yourself through another 15 years which look like they could potentially make you very unhapy. Just be strong and follow your heart. Happy Xmas
2006-12-09 05:06:36 · answer #4 · answered by PottZ79 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If your marriage is salvagable, work on it. It takes two people to make any relationship work. You can't do it all on your own and he can't do it on his own. There has to be a mutual ground between the two of you. If you really want to try to keep things together, I'd suggest counselling for the two of you.
If your husband cannot understand and show sympathy towards you not having a healthy liver and insists on taking you to places where he can get drunk, I'd question his true motivations. Is he looking out for your best interest or his own? I believe you know the answer.
2006-12-09 05:03:12 · answer #5 · answered by Wisdom Guru 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First and for most don't care what ppl thinks and talk about you. U don't have to live up to anyone expectations.
Talk to your husband and if he really loves you, he would seek help and go counseling with you. Otherwise there is really no point prolonging this relationship. In takes 2 to revive any relationship of marriage. If you put in the effort, he must also do the same.
Good luck and take care.
2006-12-09 05:10:38 · answer #6 · answered by Rosy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Doesnt sound like he loves you or respects you. You have been married for 15 years. What is he doing making out with other woman "9 months ago". I have been married for 15 years and we also have our arguments. If my husband had to make out with another woman because we were arguing, that would be the end of the relationship. If he has no respect for you, then have respect for yourself, by not tolerating his behaviour. My motto is, if they get away with it in the beginning, then they will continue. hope you sort it out. Be more ascertive with him.
2006-12-09 05:14:14 · answer #7 · answered by Vonnie S 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think the best thing here for both of you kids to do is to see a marriage councillor. Get everything out in the open. Work it out of your system, It sounds like a lot of poison has accumulated over the years talking can be the best medicine sometimes.
Best advice anyone can give you.
2006-12-09 05:05:10 · answer #8 · answered by george 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm sure you had a though time with him and you felt so burn and tired. It takes time to heal the wounds that your marriage has cause you, I'm pretty sure that you know what has to be done, in order to gain your self respect and self love. But first give yourself and him some time and space to think about everything, so that both of you won't have any regrets for your future action.
2006-12-09 05:21:46 · answer #9 · answered by *Pretty Pink* 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He sounds like bad news to me. I'm not quite sure why you didn't give him the flick when he "made out" with someone else nine months ago. I think you should walk now and make a new life for yourself, before he takes you down with him.
2006-12-09 05:05:29 · answer #10 · answered by W 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋