We have been married for 9 years, and we have sex on a regular basis of 2-3 times a week, he is a doctor and has a busy workday I am a stay at home mom of 2 girls, 8 and 5.I hardly ever orgasm this year i actually counted how many times and this year I have had only 2 !My husband gets angry and defensive if I tell him I haven't so for the past 4 years I have been faking it and masturbating to pleasure myself, the strange thing is I ALWAYS orgasm when I masturbate, I enjoy masturbation more than sex with my husband...What is wrong with me?
2006-12-08 18:39:38 · 29 answers · asked by DZ 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
My husband is very traditional he comes from a strict upbringing he has never given me oral sex although he expects me to perform it on him...and he would never agree to using "toys"
2006-12-08 18:44:42 · update #1
If you know what satisfies you then you need to TELL HIM. No matter how long you have been married, he is not a mind reader. If you don't know what satisfies you, then you both need to do some more exploration to get there! Let him know what you like, what turns you on and what it takes for you to orgasm. Start out by telling him what you do when you masturbate and let him try it. Realize that communication is the most important part of a healthy sex life!!
2006-12-08 18:44:47 · answer #1 · answered by ? 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You poor dear. It sounds like he is very frigid and not willing to experiment. By the way, you should NEVER fake an orgasm! No matter how upset he gets for not giving you one. You are only encouraging him to keep doing the wrong moves not to mention that if you told him the truth that you've been faking it for four years it would really hurt his feelings. I mean ouch, what an ego crusher!
Why don't you try getting more aggressive in telling him what you need to get you "there". With that said, do it in a way that will spare his feelings. When he is stimulating you, tell him something like, "that feels really good but it would feel even better if you did_______," and so on. How about masturbating in front of him and showing him exactly how you like it done? If he's observant then he should remember at least some of the moves, not to mention how much of a turn on it would be for him to watch you.
I would also try to get him to open up to the idea of toys. Most men are a little intimidated by them but if you let him know in a way that would feel more at ease he might open up a little. Tell him that you think it would be a fun and pleasureable experience for the both of you and maybe start with a toy or two that the two of you can use together like a co** ring or a small vibe to stimulate both your clitoris and his testicles. (Sorry if I'm too graphic!)
I would also try to get him to perform oral on you. You cannot force him but in fairness if you have been giving it to him then you deserve to recieve once in a while. If he is worried about the taste/smell etc. then you can shower before, remember to trim the hedges a little and if he is still grossed out then maybe use a dental dam.
2006-12-09 12:54:26 · answer #2 · answered by On the upside 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
first of all there is nothing wrong with u. it happens to women all the time. it's probably because the sex is the same. maybe if u pretend to be someone else or pretend he is someone else. try thinking about something that turns u on and think about it over and over in your head. if u don't get a good feeling from him pretend u do. plus he shouldn't get mad at u and defensive because u wont have an orgasm and the only time u do is when u masturbate at least u told him. all he has to do is step his game up. in this case try watching something that u can learn sex tricks from he does not have to know. good luck.
2006-12-09 02:59:12 · answer #3 · answered by nates_baby 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he is not open to any sort of help from you, then the problem lies with your husband. He has an archaic form of sex with you. He needs to wake up and join the 21st century where women get as much pleasure out of sex as men. YOU are in tune with your body, HE is not. I am not quite sure how to go about changing his attitude in this respect. As always however, the solution lies in communication. He gets angry when you don't reach an O, but have you bothered to tell him what it is that *cough* gets you off? Does he not care? Or do you just not direct him and hope that the orgasm fairy will come along and whisper your secrets in his ear? If he is open to suggestions and direction, then HELP HIM. If he is not open, then that is the stuff that divorce is made of. Give me more details and I'd be glad to help. Sex is the coolest. ;-)
Ouch, with those additional details, I don't know what to tell you except that you probably should have seen this coming from the get-go.
2006-12-09 02:47:16 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
What you need to do is talk to your husband about your sex life, dont be confrontational because no man likes to be told his bad in bed.
Talk to him about your feelings and what you would like sexually and get him to do the exact same thing. Its better for both parties to know exactly what the other feels about such an important subject.
You also need to figure out reasons as to why your not being brought to climax, is it because your not turned on? sex goes to long/short? not enough foreplay? sex is routine? Ask yourself all these questions and you may find a solution to your problem.
Try spicing up your sex lives with something completely different, kinky even... push the boundaries and step out of your comfort zone, there is nothing wrong with experimenting.
All else fails, do some research, read books on sexual development, internet, ask friends... do whatever you can because the last thing you or your husband will want is for sex to be boring or routine.
2006-12-09 02:51:00 · answer #5 · answered by cheekee_bum 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
i don't think it would ever happen to me or ever did, but if my wife would fake her orgasm i would want her telling me so we can work on it. but it wouldn't happen to me. anyways about you, maybe you need to speak up with your husband maybe he is not getting your signals that its all the same and no fun. maybe you're not giving him any signals. and if you two have been married for 9 years you two should know eachother in bed by now. how you both are. don't hide it from him because he will NEVER change he will think he is doing everything right. talk to him tell him you want something new to exciten your sex life tell him you want him to be different in bed. you guys should talk about it, if he doesn't get your signals after 9 years then you should speak up and tell him what he should do to make you orgasm. it might be embarrasing to him to hear from you that he has been doing it wrong for the past 9 years but its the only way because if you don't you should just stop having sex because it leads you nowhere.
2006-12-09 02:46:27 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Nothing, it's just one of those things that women have a hard time having an orgasm during sex. Suggest some more foreplay to get you going, or even incorporate toys into your routine. I know they helped my lovelife tremendously. They can be very exciting for your husband as well. My BF loves them.
2006-12-09 02:44:02 · answer #7 · answered by ? 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
don't fake it. How can he possibly know you aren't satisfied if you dint tell him. Masturbate during sex with him if it helps you get off. Plus it will show him what you need to have an orgasm. He is getting defensive because you are telling him what is wrong without showing him what you want!
2006-12-09 02:47:27 · answer #8 · answered by Dee 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It could simply be the angle of attack. Now for this, you have to be very aware of what's going on down there. Oh, forget it. Anger, exhaustion, familiarity...it's all taking its toll. maybe lack of hormones. Not enough exercise. not enough romance. Pick a problem out of the hat. he has bad breath or he falls asleep immediately afterwards. Try having a flaming arguement that brings your marriage to the brink of destruction, then make out with hot make-up sex. (Perhaps this is too risky) Try different locations, try seeing him as if you were seeing him with new eyes
2006-12-09 02:44:16 · answer #9 · answered by Shinigami 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well 1st...if your husband won't give you oral sex....to do his *duties*...then he certainly wouldn't be getting any oral either...
as far as sex goes....if you want to orgasm while having sex with him, and you can accomplish this while masturbating by yourself...then do it while having sex with him as well...if he can actually SEE what it's like to have sex with an orgasmic woman he may see how much more pleasureable it is...
otherwise he's being very selfish....to not ensure..he's satisfying you.....
2006-12-09 11:42:11 · answer #10 · answered by Ziara 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋