I am a disabled person and have been since 18. I am 40 now. I have various problems that when added together create times when I am just not well enough to function as a "normal" person. I even gave up my social security to go to work when I met my husband because I wanted us to have more. Well now I am going downhill very fast and I do believe I will need to go back on pension. I am afraid to discuss this with him for fear he will resent me even more. I hate feeling inadequate, any thoughts on how to handle this situation? I want to make it better not worse but am afraid if I don't slow down right now I will be in big trouble.
2006-12-08 17:53:33 · 12 answers · asked by Christina S 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I would have a long talk with your husband if I were you. Surely he will be understanding. You can't help the fact that you are ill. I commend you for going to work to give your family more , but what happens when you get too far down the hill and can't stop? Your health should come first. I pay taxes for a reason and you're the reason. Take the pension and perserve your health.
2006-12-08 18:07:20 · answer #1 · answered by jeff b 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you were on disability when you met your husband and he is aware that you were on disability for a long time, he should be open to the discussion that you dread having with him. Only you know how your ultimate health is being affected by your change in lifestyle by going to work. If he trusts you to make the decision to try going back to work, he should know that there is always a possibility that you can't continue, physically. If your health is in danger, you must do what is best for your future. Your future is his future as well. Deteriorating health is going to affect both of you. Do what you know is right, if you wait and get worse before going back on disability when you know you should --- you could wind up in worse physical condition and back on disability having gained nothing in the long run. If your health is going down, stop it as soon as possible. If you have the option of getting back on disability, do so as soon as possible. This situation is what disability was designed for. Your disability is still going to be a form of contributing to the household income, so you have no reason to feel like your not doing your part. You should not feel inadequate. You may be the only one feeling that you would be "inadequate" so do not underestimate this man. He loved you before when you were on pension, why would he love you less when you are forced to go back to that status from circumstances that are beyond your control?
2006-12-08 18:26:17 · answer #2 · answered by raven dismukes 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't know what your problems are but my wife has some medical issues herself. I knew about some of them before we got married but, frankly, I didn't appreciate exactly what they would mean. Since then a few additional things have cropped up. I admit it is difficult sometimes. There are some "normal" things that we don't engage in very often and sometimes, frankly, it drives me nuts.
I have had trouble working out with her and understanding of my situation and her situation and what we can do about it. I often think that she could be doing more but, I suppose, she occasionally thinks that I could be asking for less.
So - I don't really have an answer to your question except to say that I understand and that you need to talk talk talk about it.
Good luck,
a
2006-12-08 18:25:24 · answer #3 · answered by Alan 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is p*ssed at you for being disabled?
Geezus H. Tapdancing Christ - what attracted you to this f*cking loser in the first place?
Duct tape him into a wheelchair, douse him in kerosene, throw a match on him and push him over a cliff. That's the Sopranos version of "fireworks".
That or sit him down and say "I want to tell you something that scares me a bit. I am going downhill fast and I have to stop working and I am scared I will lose you." Like that. Then *listen* to his side and away the conversation goes.
2006-12-08 18:23:12 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
He must know about your disability, right? If so, this shouldn't be a surprise or a problem for him. Just sit down with him and let him know how you are feeling. He will be more concerned for your health than your money. If he isn't, kick his *** to the curb and make him pay you alimony. Take care of you first.
2006-12-08 18:51:02 · answer #5 · answered by Leslie 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Have you discussed any of this with your husband? Why are you assuming these things? You've been together for 22 years, and you THINK he resents you? What's a 'normal' person?
I'm much older and for the past 4 years I havent had a normal WELL day. It's HELL, so I understand your issue. Please dont assume anything that another may be feeling. And PLEASE do what's necessary to protect your health and body!
2006-12-08 18:03:57 · answer #6 · answered by iyamacog 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I suffered from panic assaults that made me sense bodily ill, from time to time they made me sense as though i replaced into dropping my marbles or that I had a severe fever, an ulcer, or a coronary heart attack. from time to time they could take place while i replaced into tormented by the flu, and those have been the worst by using fact they actually could make the flu look as though some uncommon fatal plague and difficulty me plenty i could land up going to the wellbeing facility, just to discover my tension replaced into taking part in an costly trick on me. Later in existence, i found out the source of my tension replaced right into a tiny coronary heart murmur. I now use a yoga respiratory technique to regulate my panic assaults and my racing coronary heart. i'm finally freed from murmur prompted tension and taking area in plenty extra beneficial wellbeing and funds.
2016-12-30 04:24:16 · answer #7 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You must talk to him about your feelings of apprehension and inadequacy, that will make it better, not worse, Feelings can change. Your quality of life now depends on honesty and clear the air with him, then you will have better feelings, better life, talk to him, I think it is your insecurity that is tricking you into believing he will resent you. He stands with you. He knows about you, I'm sure he loves you. Open communication is the key, Stay love-based, not fear-based.
2006-12-08 18:31:57 · answer #8 · answered by atantatlantis 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to take care of you! If your husband truley loves you he will be there for you through thick and thin. My epilepsy gets in my way alot but every time I have a seizure my husband is right there by my side even if it means him having to leave work to come get me. Don't let yourself get worse out of fear of losing your husbands respect. Do what you need to do.
2006-12-08 18:03:40 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he loves you, you have nothing to worry about. If you can not work and be healthy then don't. You are together but this is your life and your health. He needs to love you for you, not wether you can work or not. Your health comes first, if not, you not being there wont do anyone any good. Life is too short. Take care of yourself. Period.
2006-12-08 17:58:53 · answer #10 · answered by sportypenny 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋