Should my husband and I move in for a few days with my parents after our 1st baby is born?

Question

We just fixed up our nursery and our home, and were looking forward to settling baby in with us. However, our Lamaze teacher is advising that I will need help for several days after the birth, so moving in with my Mom and Dad may be a good solution. They'll be excited and helpful, but I also expect them to be a bit too controlling.....

Answer 1

Better for you to be in YOUR own home (you might have stitches, want to fart in your own toilet, shower in your own bathroom, etc).
Have them stay with you instead!

Good Luck with your new addition!

Answer 2

Hi! As a mother of three, I can say that having help in the first week or so can be invaluable. The KIND of help you receive can make the difference between a beautiful period of recovering from childbirth and getting to know your new baby and an exhausting, resentment building week with in-laws or other family members.

Let me ask you this. Does the prospect of spending a week living with your mom and dad make you feel warm and secure or stimulate feelings of anxiety and doubt? What KIND of help are you expecting them to give? Holding the baby all day while you do other things? Or doing things for YOU so that you can rest and bond with your baby?

Is staying with them going to make you wish you were at home, settling your new baby into the nursery you've worked so hard to prepare? I'm not trying to dissuade you from staying with them, just suggesting that it may be better if one of them came to stay with you instead.

Also, how does your husband feel about staying with your parents? Is it possible for him to take some time off work to help you? Can your mother stay with you for a few days while you learn the routine with your baby? It sounds like you have support, it just needs to occur where it will be best for you, your husband and your new baby.

the fact that you expect your parents to be a bit too controlling is a good sign you should settle in at home, and if your mother and father won't come to you, inquire at the hospital about community services, call a local church for a mothers helper, or call friends to bring in a meal or come do laundry for a couple of hours. After I had my twins, I was amazed at how many people jumped at the chance to wash my dishes!

Good luck to you!

Answer 3

If your looking for help have it in your own home. I suggest getting a plan together with your spouse as how you will handle feedings, diaper changes, bottle washing, laundry and did I mention bottle washing?

You will feel very tired and drained in the beginning. Depending on how your feeding the baby, alternating with your spouse can be great for both your sanity and sleep. My wife pumped only, and we took turns with the feeding and diaper changes. It's something I'm glad I was able to do. The hospital was strongly discouraging this and were very pushy about breast feeding only. Saying things like "you'll be doing double the work" (which is a bunch of BS)

Do what works for you. We were happy to give our daughter breast milk in a bottle. It took some time to get going but was great.

How this relates to your question .... you will need to think about what help you will want. It's not all that bad and in the beginning they just eat, sleep and dirty diapers round the clock. If you can schedule it for example every 3 hours and alternate you'll get through it with a smile and a beautiful child to be thankful for. The help could be more aggravating than helpful if your a control freak.

Good luck with the new addition!

Answer 4

yes, you will need and want help in the beginning, but do you really want to move in with your parents? you will be much more relaxed at your own home, and your parents can come over to help. if they live too far to come every day, they could spend the nights there for a little while. having them around really will benefit you, as long as you dont get stressed about it. if your parents are getting too controlling for you, have your husband give them some nice suggestions for what they could do differently. your parents are not going to try to control or be in the way (although they may end up that way a little - enter husband), they genuinely want to make things easier for you and the baby.

it could be a great situation, but i would stay at your own home for sure. good luck!

Answer 5

You are all to right. You are mom and unless you want to share that, do not move in for a few days. If mom wants to help have her come over and have her help around the house (meals, laundry etc) while you are taking on the role of mom! You need to make the bond with your baby, not her. If this is your 1st, you will want to experience the ups and downs of all of it! I know it is hard getting up every 1-3 hrs, but trust me, IT WILL PASS. You want you and your baby to have a rutine from day one. If you move around and change things in a few days you will not be as happy! Just speaking from experience. I had "mom" with me with the first child. We just had our 2nd in September and I am so glad we shared the experience at home. Good luck! Congrats!

Answer 6

I am pregnant with my first biological child, so i don't know exactly what it will be like once the baby is born.....BUT i adopted twin sons. When i was traveling home with the first one (one had to stay in the hospital a few weeks) it was a 3 day drive. I was just fine with the baby, i was comfortable with how i fed him ect...when i got home to my mothers, which is where i was staying due to my husband being in iraq....my mom made me NERVOUS!!!!!! She corrected almost everything i did, and some of her "suggestions" made the baby cry or upset. Being my first children i wanted to make sure i did everything right, and i ended up being confused once i reached moms house! It took me awhile to realize i was doing just fine, and the baby and i were happy once we learned how to deal with grandma!!! When brother came home from the hospital grandma tried it again, but i knew to just smile....if you think your parents will be controlling its a tough call. If you can deal with it, i say take the help!!! It was nice when i was tired and grandma would sit with the baby!!! Good luck!!! Congrats and merry christmas :-)

Answer 7

Do they live close by? My daughter is having a baby due in 6 weeks and I will go over to her house when her husband is at work. I believe she is better at her home as she can establish a routine. I will leave as soon as my son-in-law gets home because I believe he also has to be independant and rely on themselves. I'm helping until she is rested and getting around properly. I don't want to butt in too much as I didn't want that either. I believe this will work out great for all concerned. I will help and give my opinion when they ask me how or what to do. Best of Luck with you new little one.

Answer 8

I wouldn't recommend it. It would be hard to pack up EVERYTHING a newborn needs and take it to your parents. Besides, it feels so good to be in your own home where you are comfortable. If your parents want to help, that's great! But have them either stay with you or come over for a few hours everyday to lend a hand. If you feel like they are starting to be too controlling, maybe suggest that they take a break for themselves so you can have a little alone time with your new family.

Answer 9

True, help will be needed in the first couple of weeks for you and your husband to adjust to the new member and for you to regain your strength after having the baby. Though it is best that you stay at your place, you would be more comfortable being in your own bed, which would make things better all around. I am sure your parents will be around to visit, just ask them to help out while they are there. You will need someone to care for the little one for you to shower or nap, having someone around to help prepare meals and such, because not everyone heals in a couple of days.Though I would limit the number of people who visit too, babies are very susceptible to cold and flu, especially in the first few weeks of life. This is why I believe it would be better for you to stay at your house, having your parents stay for a few days would not be so bad would it, being as though it is to your advantage?

Answer 10

I am a PROUD new grandma to a beautiful 5 day old little girl.

My daughter and my SIL both live with us.

I took a week vacation, and I help when she asks for it. That mostly consists of burping Mariah so my daughter can go to the bathroom and tend to her business.

I don't go into their room much, I bring my daughter breakfast in bed in the morning. I let her bounce things off of me, such as do you think she's too warm, too cold.

If I happen to be in the room during diaper changes, I throw the daiper out.. .stuff like that.

I'm cooking and cleaning, and just loving my family.

I respect my daughter and her husband as mommy and daddy, and they are GREAT parents.

My HELP...is to take care of MY daughter... not theirs.

Good Luck !!

But you should be HOME... whereever HOME is.

Answer 11

I have had two children and never had help after their births. But if you are concerned, have your husband stay home from work for the first few days. Or have your mom come help you while your husband is at work.