should i give him more time to open up?

Question

The last 3 months my husband has not had sex with me and a kiss is nothing more than a peck. He has been stressed, gaining weight, has diabetes, and working a lot of hours. I have asked him to tell me what's going on becuase he is making me feel unwanted and he says he's not ready to talk yet. should I give him more time, it's been 2 weeks, or tell him he talks or I walk? to be noted, we have had a very unstable marriage with several talks of divorce in the 2 yrs we've been together

he has been seeing a counselor for a few months (his parents are paying) and we can't afford marriage thearapy. He did cheat on me three days b4 proposing and has told many lies but we had a seriuos out and out and he swears he is no longer lying and I believe him I just can't get him to open up and let me know why he is not aroused by me anymoer, I've even lost weight and started takeing better care of myself

Answer 1

If he can't talk to you about it then why stay married with a rocky realtionship to begin with you can't be left in the dark with information that could effect you to... good luck

Answer 2

Sounds like something else is going on. I'm trying to spare your feelings. Do you think he's really working the long hours? Or do you think he's up to something with someone? Or maybe it truly is the stress of work. Are you in some type of financial issues that you are not aware of? You said your marriage has been unstable but, I don't know why. Do you not get along or has there been some dishonesty? Is it possible that you've done something that he found out about? You both need to sit down and talk. A marriage is based on communication. It sounds like you have none. If you truly want to save your marriage, sit down and get everything out in the open. Forgive one another and make a vow to keep the communication lines open. Marriage is work. You both have to work at it. 2yrs isn't much time. Figure it out together--Please.

Answer 3

A diabetic with high sugars will not be feeling well or acting right either. If he is not checking his sugars and taking care of it then he should be. That may be a big part of the problem. I would suggest that you become a part of his "medical team". Go to his medical appointments and ask questions. Also begin to research diabetes and I mean everything there is to know about it! Become the EXPERT! Don't quit if you really care about him. I have been a diabetic since 1966 and I am an expert. My wife has always been a part of my medical team and she is very knowledgable about it. When my sugars run high for any length of time she can tell! My breath has a terrible sweet smell and I am very sick at my stomach. I hope that this helps. Have a great weekend and a wonderful holiday!
Eds

Answer 4

Oh hon, I'm so sorry to hear that you guys are having problems. Does he have someone he can talk to? Friend? Counsellor?

Have you maybe thought about/open to marriage counselling?
Don't give up! have faith! It's a hard time of year, but communication is key

I wish you both the very best

Answer 5

This is really a tough one! If you still love him, hang in there. Suggest professional help. If he's willing to get marriage counseling , he's interested in keeping the relationship. If not, there's not a lot of hope. He's holding something he feels powerless to deal with inside, and it seems to be taking him downhill fast.

I remember a book 'Lethal Lovers and Poisonous People", and it proved to me that some people can be so bad for you that they can cause YOU to get sick or die.

If he's got his heart set on going through an iceberg, there no reason for you to go down with the ship. But if he wants to work on it, and the relationship is repairable, you just might thank yourself later for going the extra mile.

Answer 6

I wouldn't be at all surprise if he has a problem he's trying to deal with but finding it difficult. Don't be surprised if he starts accusing or blaming you for something. Watch out he is not deceiving you already by trying to convince you that he is being faithful. Does he go on the internet at all? Or perhaps an old flame came into the picture?

Answer 7

I think he'd be being unfair to you, making you wait any longer to address your concerns. You came forward with your feelings, you gave him a fair amount of time to "get ready" - he owes you the scoop on his feelings.

Maybe if you put it to him in terms of your concern for him, rather than in terms of him not meeting your needs, he'd be more willing to talk. I mean, you might as well remind him that you are prepared for the worst case - since you've already discussed breaking up - and he should never be afraid to tell you how he feels. Just make sure there really isn't anything for him to be afraid of, about your possible reaction - be ready to handle anything, when you go to ask again.

Answer 8

If you really honestly cared about this guy then you would not need to give him an ultimatum as your love should withstand any hard times. Given divorce is on the cards then bite the bullet and rid yourself of the heartache. Be warned, though this may be what he is presenting he wants, it may send him further into his depressive state. Be careful not to feel guilty when it gets really bad for him.

Answer 9

If he's under a lot of stress, try leaving him alone for a couple of hours a day. Maybe he'll brighten up a little.

Answer 10

I was with a husband that wouldn't let me know what was going on he had diabetes unstable all that I LEFT