is my man a "lemon" or have i just been watching to much tv?

Question

I allways hear these great ways men have proposed to thier gfs.My bf of 4yrs were talking about buying a house and moving in together.He said "well if we are going to live together i want us to be married so will you marry me" and that was it.I said yes and he said good we will go tomorrow and pick out your ring.No asking my dad,i called my mom but he did not call anyone in his family,there was no going out to diner to celebrate nothing.1yr later im planning the wedding and he wants to keep it as cheap as possible with as few people as we can.I have never been married before,he has and has a 8yr old son with his ex.His divorce(or i should say ex) put him 20k in debt so this is the reason he wants to keep in cheap.I know he has done all this before but this is my first time and i just fell shorted.I fell like he just wants to get it over with and be able to claim married on his taxes again.I do know he put more time planing his 1st marrage.I don't expect a 30k wedding just some interest

Answer 1

Why of course you should dump him, because nothing says I love you like a big fancy schmancy over the top goofball wedding proposal. What did you want - he bakes a cake and then as you eat the cake -- with champagne he fermented himself -- aboard a hot air balloon, a skydiver whisks by and drops a note to you telling you to look down and when the balloon lands softly atop a grassy meadow a string quartet is playing Pachelbel's Canon and a horse-drawn carriage pulls up with your parents in it and he's already asked them to be there with flowers in their hair and a female magician shows up, swallows a handful of gold flakes and sh*ts out a lump of gold and he pulls out a fire and an anvil and hand-hammers you a ring and engraves "To the only woman I'll ever ever do this stunt for" on the inside and then the servants clear away the dishes so he can give you a foot rub and look at wallpaper swatches and bedroom sets from Pottery Barn with you as he feeds you Godiva truffles and then says, "Darling, your mom and dad approve - Dad, thanks for the talk - and I have thought it over for quite some time and I want you to know that since your amazing p*ssy, er, LOVE has changed my life forever, turning me from a schlump into one HELL of a great guy, that I realized as I thought deeply about you again today during my Quiet Think About You Time, that I cannot continue to draw oxygen any longer unless you are by my side, telling me not to wear those socks with that belt, saying "not tonight I'm tired", "I don't give bj's now that I'm a wife", and "no, your friends can't come over for poker this weekend, we're going to Williams-Sonoma for that cooking class I told you about last month", so my precious tender darling princess, will you do me this one last favor and make me the happiest man alive by granting me your hand in marriage?"
And when you say yes (notice all you have to do is say yes - nothing poetic or romantic or intelligent or creative or requiring effort or any of those other things you are demanding of him) - he sets off fireworks he made himself in Italy and flew back here to the states as the plane he built flies by carrying a banner reading - "I don't know how good I've got it with this woman" as the crowd that has gathered erupts in spontaneous applause?

Geezus - he wants to buy a house with you and marry you. He's sh*tloads in debt and you are whining about cash? Have your parents put forth all the cash for the wedding - that's tradition, especially since it is your first wedding! Sheesh!

Okay it's sarcastic, but stop expecting him to read your mind. Tell him for the wedding, look. I want a nice wedding. My parents are footing the bill. Here's what I want - a romantic limo ride and some doves and a nice cake. Or whatever. And then if he isn't excited, go, look they are paying so let's enjoy it a bit and get excited and it's important to me that you have fun and we enjoy this.
Enough with the "oh you didn't read my mind so i am going to pout" crapola. And if you want a guy to read your mind, this isn't the guy - so don't get married and torture him forever. Seriously.

Answer 2

He has to look at the bigger picture. Yes it is his second marriage but it is YOUR FIRST. Just because he couldn't pick'em the first time around doesn't mean that you shouldn't have the kind of wedding you want. Maybe you could talk to your parents (since traditionally the girls parents pay for the wedding) into helping you guys out so you will have the kind of wedding you want.

BTW the first time my hubby proposed to me was in college and he wanted to use a ring that he had already gave me 2 month in advance. ( I chalked it up to him being drunk) After we had our first kid I told him that I want a real proposal, still didn't get it. Although now that he is sober and actually thinking clear he wants to get remarried and have another wedding etc. Men ...

Answer 3

First you may take a place in a stable dictionary! and 2d i could say he needs some thing. or he can use it as a throw lower back! it relatively is once you 2 get right into a combat and now you won't manage to declare hes on no account executed something for you because of the fact he made you a sandwich or on your words a sammichhhhhhhhh!

Answer 4

I wouldn't call him a lemon but it's understandable that he doesn't want a big wedding. For your sake he should give in to it. 2nd marriages usually aren't made into a big deal. Not because your not worth it but it has always been tradition for 2nd marriages to be low key. If you think he's just not into it don't do it. Follow your gut feeling. I felt like my husband was marrying me because he needed someone to pay his bills and have his children and when we got divorced I still felt that way. Had I followed my instincts I wouldn't have gone through w/ it.

Answer 5

i am sure that is why he wants to keep it cheap. because she has set him back so far. he's not a lemon...just simple man....simple plan! and that plan includes you so don't feel bad about it. i realize it is your first time at getting married but you all will be even deeper in debt if you go all out for the wedding.

Answer 6

i wouldn't say he is a lemon just a realist... im sorry that your first wedding won't be as you would have liked but thats the disadvantages of not being a first wife

Answer 7

lemon.