My husband says that he will take a lie detector. How many fools say that and fail? He doesn't have a cel, or credit cards I don't know about. He had in the past flirted with women on the net, looked at porn, I feel betrayed by that. He has locked me out of his pc because everytime he says that he has stopped and when he says " if you don't believe me look" when I do I always find more, then he denies it and doesn't understand how it gets there. I think that he has some kind of relationship with this woman at work that I saw grab him. He denies that anything is going on . I want to confront her but the job they have is in many businesses I don't know where she lives her last name or ph. number I can talk to her when she comes to our house to see my husband about "a work issue" If I am home she avoids me but the time I realize she is there she leaves. Talked to his boss about this but he & my HB has made it a community running joke about my insecure craziness. What do I do?
2006-12-08 17:08:32 · 25 answers · asked by momtilludrop 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
If he has "flirted with women online and is interested in PORN" then he has the problem NOT YOU! You could spend money on a private eye to shadow him and build a case. If the material is found then you decide what to do. Don't let anyone else tell you what to do. I would begin by studying the Bible with someone from a nearby church and make sure that your husband is also a part of the study. If he will do that then he probably is faithful. You should never be made fun of by your spouse no matter how you feel. That should be a private matter between you and your husband. Have a great holiday.
Eds
2006-12-08 17:18:10 · answer #1 · answered by Eds 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you are attacking too soon. You are either insecure because of what you have seen your husband do and that could lead him to do some crazy things including what you are fearing most. Lady, let me tell you something from a man's point of view. A man will not leave his home with an intention of cheating on his wife. It all starts with mistrust, little arguments about trust and so on, then the man in frustration says what the heck!
Now hold on...I did not say that is right it is wrong as wrong can be. But I am letting you know this so you can know where you are gong wrong. I'll give you a hint, men (most of 'em) are poor liars. If he gives you that confidence "if you think I am lying go ahead and check...you are probably already cheated. Now I said probably. If you guys have gone ahead and discussed this w/the boss, then you will not get anything from that angle. Men cover each other even total strangers when it comes to cheating.
If the work mate is not comfortable with you and this is not your imagination, then that should be another signal. There are other simple behaviors that change when a man is cheating. He becomes suddenly very caring when he comes late...he is willing to dive into a conversation and sometime he is just content seating in the couch...
He goes for trips that are always work related and they were not there before, he dresses overly smart on odd days...
Open your eyes lady...I have let the cat off the bag, you will thank me for this.
Don't confront them if you confirm that he is cheating, you will only embarrass yourself. Be modes regardless of how hurtful you me be feeling, then with all confidence that is within you communicate your decision with him. It's not worth a fight because you have already lost the first round, so don't waste your energy, those who do end being hurt even more...
2006-12-09 01:30:06 · answer #2 · answered by Trinity 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
DON'T deal with anyone but your husband. He is the one you are married to. Don't go after the woman and stop talking to his boss. This is only going to make matters worse and as you said you come out looking like the bad one because now they have a running joke about your "insecure craziness". Looking at porn is a normal thing for men and women when it's done in moderation. If his porn viewing is becoming excessive or an addiction then that's an issue. As far as him flirting with other women on the internet, if you have proof of this and you see this as cheating and betrayal, yet he continues to engage in these activities, then you need work on the marriage to put a stop to it, or make a decision to leave. He is going to continue to do what you allow him to get away with. I suggest seeking the help of a family or marriage therapist. If he won't go, then you should go alone. I hope everything works out.
2006-12-09 01:20:29 · answer #3 · answered by ? 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you think he's having an affair, you are probably right. The woman your hubby works with is dangerous. If he isn't having an affair with her already. Confronting the woman, asking his boss, friends etc. will get you no where, they will say you are imagining it, nothings going on etc. THEY ARE HIS FRIENDS!!! There should be NO reason for her to come by your house at all. There is nothing that can't wait till the next day as far as work issues are concerned. and fax machines, emails, etc could be used. She is finding excuses to see him.
some of the signs he is having an affair are, working late hours, and weekends, business trips, dressing better or different, showering as soon as he comes home if he didn't before. Your sex life could increase or stop. He gets irritated with you and is critical about whatever you say or do. He can't account for money.
Trust your feelings. Confronting him accusing him do no good, he will just deny everything and turn the blame around to you. Lie detectors are useless, and you have to pay to have them done.
My ex cheated on me. Kept telling me I was crazy, inventing things etc. driving him away because I didn't trust him.
you can try a couple of things to see if he is lying.
1) drive to his work and back, check what the mileage and time is. then when he comes home at night get a mileage reading from his car before he goes to work then when he comes home that night see how many miles he drove. Be sure to ask if he went anywhere after work, if he says no and there are more miles he is lying.
2) If he says he has to work late then drive to his work and see if his car is there.
3)check his drawers pockets etc. for receipts, numbers etc.
4)get call display for your phone.
5)Get the womans full name and address, try asking your husbands boss for it. tell him you are planning a small party and since she works so closely with your husband you'd like to invite her. Tell him it's a surprise party for your husband and ask him not to say anything.
6)drive by her house and see what kind of car she drives.
7) If your husband says he will be late or has to go out for awhile, drive by her house, if they aren't there, check the parking lots of any hotels or motels close to their work.
I know this might be considered spying on him. But you NEED to know for sure. whatever you do don't confront HER! if they are having an affair she will tell him and he will take her side and only be angry with you.
The real problem starts if you find out he is cheating. What are you going to do if he is???
2006-12-09 02:30:45 · answer #4 · answered by ? 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to offload your feelings and emotions to an independent person or counsellor. How about you get a job and work on changing your own routine - meet girlfriends for coffee, get involved with helping at an aged people's home. Count your blessings. Ask your husband out on a date. Have fun together. Find out what's really on his mind. Better still. Send your TV and computer on an extended holiday and you two have an extended session in the bedroom.
2006-12-09 01:36:18 · answer #5 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Divorce him and move on. You are convince that there is an affair going on, whether there is one or not. And that will stick with you throughout your relationship.
Oh, guys think about sex every 3 seconds in one form or another. Yes, even married men need new material from time to time. Nothing personal.
If he's using your insecurity as an office joke, then he has no concern for you personal feelings. Leave him.
2006-12-09 01:17:14 · answer #6 · answered by Odindmar 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Why confront her?The man you should be confronting is sitting right there with you.Why would you feel secure in the relationship?When he lies to you/ keeps you in the dark about the things.He chooses to do.You say he denies anything is going on between him and this woman.Kind like he denies knowing.How porn/other women get on his pc?If nothing is going on between the two of them.Why does he not give you her name/phone# etc..If he has nothing to hide.Because I am sure he knows it.The woman comes to your home.It sounds like your 6 sense is trying to tell you something.
2006-12-09 02:21:47 · answer #7 · answered by noga 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My husband also locked me out of his computer because I kept finding porn when he said he had quit looking at it. He also cheated on me three days before proposing to me. I had a gut instinct that told me what I knew was true but I refused to listen because he just wasn't the type to do that. i wish I had because he did do it and even though we are still together our marriage is a mess and I don't trust him. Trust your instincts, it's a power we women have and it's usually dead on.
2006-12-09 01:32:50 · answer #8 · answered by dreamer2606 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
She comes to your home!?! Ummm my husband has never had any work associates come to the house for a work-related matter. That stuff needs to be kept at work. And you saw her grab him!?! He is obviously trying to hide things from you by locking you out of his computer. I would hate to say he is cheating but it doesn't look good...
2006-12-09 01:16:27 · answer #9 · answered by syntagma 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you continue to think about this, this means you want to torture yourself rather than answer to what he is doing.
You should go through law and it could have either results, make him walk on the straight way or finish the relations which is questioned all the time.
Go for a lawyer.
2006-12-09 01:57:10 · answer #10 · answered by Asad 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋