What do you honestly think of this poem I just wrote?

Question

I sit…n I linger…linger for the day I'll rouse…not ever knowing…wanting to breath…wanting to live, feel, see….see what's in front of me. Not noticing what's further on of me….needing…wanting for more then what is absent….I obtain, bestow, distribute & speculate what will it convey? What will ensue…I know but with in the instant I seem to not care? I sense why? What's the motive? I conjecture we'll in no way truly know until it's the end….n all your thoughts n all of your dilemma will just fade away….forgot n mislaid… then what? What then we'll we be? What it may be…is what terrifies me….sometimes I think…do I want to identify it? Or would I rather live this wintry world of pit…This day n point…I do not know…but what I demonstrate is what I am….how I am…how I feel….I am valid….I don't know how to be anything else…but why is it that I don't feel well passable…why do I do the things I do….So various unreciprocated questions….I will remain n I will struggle….until the day comes…were I am gone….with what I necessitate…n what I am….till the day comes….I am…this….why….I disgust to marvel…That's just life….I regret so much….If I could go back I would…Each era I deliberate to myself…Alone…I try to envision how I would be today…if I had changed my imprudent conduct…then I open up my eyes…n see what is left…of this soul of mine….

Answer 1

If I were looking for a monologue for an audition this peice might be a condsideration. Because it has the potential to show a wide array of talent. Have you heard of the Artist Way it is a great book for those developing thier artistic selves. It teaches one qaulity that you may need right off the bat ...To protect your inner artist from critism until you are certian about your craft.
It's normal to wonder weather or not we have a gift, but by putting ourselves out thier too soon it may shut us down from creating further due to the impact of negative responses. You will know after reading and working this book when you work is done. Needing the feedback soo soon might scare you into not continuing to work on it. Your question indicates that you just wrote the poem, So now, let it sit, and come back and work it some more I think it is is beautiful. Vulrenable, yet universally abstract enough for a reader to relate. You are in the process of creating poetry! How exciting. Keep working it and lets see where it takes you! I really like where you are going with it. Oncore.

Answer 2

Since I've taken and taught a few creative writing courses in my years as an instructor, I am going to offer the PPS method. That is to say Praise, Problems, Solutions. I believe this will help you with some feedback.

This poem is a decent first draft and it really does convey your feelings and need to assert yourself in the world. It shows a longing to overcome obstacles and struggles and it gives the reader insight into your feelings on life. There is a longing, a dissatisfaction, and a loss that you feel. Yet, like your feelings, the words are struggling to express themselves at times.

I would suggest that you work on this more and rely less on a theasaurus to find the right words. You lose the reader and your feelings with some word choices, such as "rouse. . .obtain, bestow, distribute, speculate..conjecture... " The inclusion of these words makes the poem stilted. Do these words really convey how you feel or did you choose them for the sound?

The free form verse is a nice style to use. However, your use of the ellipses [. . .] and the failure to break it into an easier read sends some away from reading the poem.

While you do like to use the modern approach to grammar and style with your use of "N" as a replacement for "in", for some readers it detracts from the serious tone. If you are going to use those sorts of replacements then use it for to-as 2-etc.

Above all, poetry is always a work in progress. It's never really finished. Look at what you wrote and write it again and again and again. Creative writers like you are always creating wonderful works and sharing them. Keep up the good work, revise, research other sorts of poetic genres.

There are fantastic sites on the web that offer free courses and communication with creative writers and give forum discussions to where you can share your work and improve your craft. Your best bet is to ask there. Just look for poetry forums or creative writing forums and sign up. You'll find many people who have different writing styles, who can help you too.

Answer 3

I love it.I believe all poems are good no matter how cheesy they may sound to you or to others because it tells people just how you felt at that very moment. I think depressing,angry,or sad poems are the best because people can relate to it better.Plus, writing poems are a better way of getting it off your chest,as appose to acting out on your negative feelings.

Answer 4

Thank you for trying to entertain us with the profound thoughts of your mind. Keep working on it and maybe try and take some of it and make two or three poems out of it. Take a topic and expound upon it. otherwise I like your thoughts

Answer 5

Pretty deep. But, needs some feeling into it. It feels like your just saying the poem to me without caring and no feeling. In fact, and no offense, I don't like it much. But, it doesn't mean that u can't fix it.

Answer 6

Much of a jumble of a poem to me. Self searching and reminiscing could be laid more poetically.
I'll give you points for introspection; move forward.

Answer 7

Looks more like ramblings of a person who has lost all hope and ambition. It sounds more like prose rather than poetry. Good effort though but do not indulge in self-pity. good luck!

Answer 8

I can't keep my attention trained on it. It is rather boring to me.


It is obvious from the poem that you are a female. I am sure you can write good poetry if you set your mind to it. But this one wasn't it.

Answer 9

truthfully, it's hard to read. n is not a word. you also have some poor word choices, the wrong were/where is places. it's vague enough to be confusing. I like what you are trying to say though.

Answer 10

I could not read your poem all the way. It is to self-involved, try writing about others and you will be fine.